Amma's Darshan

Trip Start Sep 03, 2007

Trip End Oct 23, 2007

Loading Map

Map your own trip!

Map Options

Show trip route

Hide lines

Flag of India Kerala, India
Wednesday, October 3, 2007

     It's been a rough time at Amritapuri. I just really finally connected with Amma. I have been having minor physical ailments and emotional stuff come up. Amma turned up her heat of purification, but she is finally getting through a little.
    I was walking on the beach the other night feeling sad and disconnected. As I returned to the Ashram it was dusk and Bhajan's (music) was about to start in the main hall. I happened to notice the main temple door was open and the Kali Murti (Statue of divine mother in fierce form representing Birth, death and preservation. Her name Kali meaning "Devourer of time", everything withers away with time, except the God in you, the Love, the formless substratum of all existence, or soul in Christian terms-whatever you want to call it) was exposed with some burning lamps lit around her. Feeling compelled and drawn in.

Amma's 54th Birthday

I approached her and renamed (bowed). I sat for several minutes meditating on her and would say "How can I do anything? How am I too try to surrender? I cannot not breath a breath without the grace of God! I am helpless without your love" I went on for sometime with a few occasional tears. That was a break for me. This devotion that Amma graced me with just opened my heart. All my "So called problems/troubles" in that minute dissolved in her love and I remembered why I came here. I renamed again and hearing Amma's beautiful voice in the background from the main hall... I was drawn like a moth into the flame. I went into the main hall and renamed to Amma on stage and sat while her voice and music of her associates (musicians and Swamis) filled me with love and peace. I thought of all those I know and how we all suffer and glimpsed just a little of what Amma naturally perceives. That we all are ALL ONE. On family-one heart-One Love. This separation is illusion. But, since we're here on this earthly realm, where suffering is everywhere and quite natural, maybe that's the point of suffering, so we can have compassion for the others who suffer. Amma's says to see God in everything-accept everything as if it were just how it was supposed to be. But, at the same time fill our hearts with love and try see yourself (True Self- the eternal) in everyone, and serve others as you would yourself. Anyway, a tall order, but I know Amma knows and lives this. I am not a saint. I am often confused and suffer just like everyone else, but when I glimpse that love that truth through grace alone

Ashram from coconut stand on other side

. I can honestly say it's all perfect and everything is going to be okay. No matter who or where you are on your path, it's okay. Be easy on yourself. Love your self. I've spent years of my life chasing drugs and other pains of the world. I've worried myself to death. I have felt guilt and anguish. There are so many who live in this pain now and too a much more extreme extent. The best message I've got from Amma, friends, and saints is "Be were you are because that's exactly where the universe wants you, but yearn to love that which is love-the eternal-God-Jesus-Buddha-Whatever you want to call it, because this life is short a blink of an eye. I say don't feel guilty if you do not yearn for this. Just accepting and watching your thoughts is a way out too. You are not your thought's. This is a powerful and liberating realization. We are so much more then we could ever "think" about. This is true for everyone and everything. All One-All Now. Sorry to preach I've just been touched by Amma and she is grace itself. Love you all. Jai Ma!