Kashi Viswanath

     Om Namah Shivaya,

Boat men on river at sunrise

    Things have gotten really intense for me here. I don't know where to begin.

It all most seems words are useless. The energy here is so intense. Death is emanate everywhere, poverty and sickness abound. I have been humbled to say the least at how I live my life. This is the first place I have connected with Mother India with immense compassion and to be honest-fear. The story is not to be told publicly. I feel like I have shaken the hand of death here. Truly I have died. Although I still have a physical form-I will never be the same. Being here is Tapas. It is perhaps the hardest sadhana I have ever done. This is the only place I have been compelled to give beggars money. Here is all I can say:

Building next to Mnikarnika

   As I exited the guest house last evening I walked towards the Ganga river and took a turn to pass Manikarika Ghat. A young Indian man came up to me and asked if I wanted to meet his Gurudev who worked at the burning ghat. I usually do not follow strangers as of fear of being ripped off and such. However, this time I was compelled to accompany this gentle man. I followed him up the ancient staircase next to Manikarika. Just before we reached the top floor we passed a very old lady crippled and on riddled with disease. She asked nothing of me, as most beggars do, and I passed by her. We came to the top of this building and I had a chance to Pier down onto the cremation fires, which burn 24 hours a day 7 day's a week-all the time. There were bodies being burned and many awaiting to be burned {It is said that to be burned here is liberation from the cycle of birth and death and Indians will come here just to die.  The boy introduced me too his Guru who was extremely friendly. He introduced himself and told me he worked there. His eyes were a glowing Grey and his teeth mangled with bright blood red stains on his gums. I showed him a picture of Amma and Neem Karoli. I told him that Amma was Kali and he said yes in acknowledgment. Then he said he knew of Neem Karoli Baba and asked about Ram Dass and the book Be Here Now. I said yes, I know of it it was my first spiritual book. He then told me he knew Ram Dass and said that he had come to see him before some time back. I was very immersed in this man's energy. He offered me a place to meditate in front of the fires. I was at that point starting to get edgy and sat only a minute. When I got up he stopped me and asked where I was going. I told him "It was too Smokey and I had to go". He asked me "If I knew who he was", and I said "No". He told me he sold Silk and supplied most of Banaras. Then asked me if I wanted to look at the silks, and I said "I have to go". He then told me in a rather wrathful and descriptive way of how people drag there bodies here to be burned and of the suffering. I was speechless. He said "You make donation". The words came out of my mouth "Yes". Then a gentleman in the distance came and said "Follow me". I said  "No" but  he said  "You make donation now" Um..."Okay", I said and we climbed to the same staircase where the same old dying lady was and I bowed my head to her in humility, and she blessed me (imagine that). I handed her two hundred rupees, which by Indian standards is a lot, but to Americans only five dollars. I then walked away from the seen overpowered with a strong energy. I felt like I touched death as I walked through the alleys of Banaras. I saw an Underground Hanuman murti where two Indians chanted Sita Ram. I took off my shoes and entered kneeling before Hanuman I chanted the Hanuman Chalisa as loud as I could. With the rupees I donated and the Chalisa I sang I felt I had just bought my life back. Who was that man? Who was the old lady? Was he just some Indian who worked at the burning ghat? Was she just some dying lady? Not to me. I can't put in too words the intensity. It is said Shiva hides as a sadhu in Banaras. Could it be he is who I encountered? All I know its that afterwords I sat in the hotel and died. I felt the pain of the whole world, all the agony, all the suffering- it coursed through my body and I owned it for a brief period. What is my purpose? Death is immanent to us all. This life is a blink of an eye. We know not when we will go. It is a reality. Here in Banaras that reality is exposed for all to see. Here you can reflect on the inevitable, the lose of this physical form. Is that who you are? A mere body of flesh that can disintegrate at any second? That's not a very big thing-not a promising thought. After being here I am humbled. You must touch death to realize it is the source of all fear. The good news is that we don't die, at least nothing that's important dies. The ego-the false "I" dies and we live eternally. Suffering is said to be illusion here, but the question remains "Is it illusion in your experience?". I have found here to lay my head low before a power much greater than I, for at any second I could die. If I don't want to grow in the name of peace and love, what is the point of wasting this precious human birth? Money, fortune, and fame all go when we leave. We can take nothing with us. I have always said such words, but after being here I have seen with my eye's the truth of it.

MahaKali

    That night I took a boat ride and swam in the Ganges. I washed away my darkness in her waters. The fellows on the boat were astonished that I jumped in. I felt I had no choice. I love you all. May we all "Be here Now" Om Namah Shivaya. Jai Sita Ram!

Manikarika Ghat

Sunrise on Sri Ganges river