5am in the morning I was up and after a severely heavy breakfast of 2slices of bread, chicken breast and mashed potatoes, I was off to start on the great ocean road and a lot of eating for the day.
Just to put it forward, I ate chicken breast, mashed potatoes, 4 slices of bread, 100g of ham, a apricot bar, a bag of dried apples, another bag of ham, orange juice, gurana and riboros iced tea and 1.5l of water. That is considered alot since i've been barely eating the past few days. I think my body is trying to make up for lost food time.
The great ocean road drive was amazing. endless winding roads of scenic drive. Several thoughts came and went. But mostly I wondered how the world war 1 veterans felt toiling and building the roads amongst so much beauty. I wont imagine they feel uplifted and encouraged, instead I imagine they would have felt jaded and poignant pains. Of toiling in the presence of so much beauty, something like a sad mockery.
And as we drove along for the hours, the beauty of the place seems to set in and people started yawning, and I wondered, can you ever get used or sick of so much beauty and sadly the answer would be yes. Its only human nature.
I had the pleasure of walking through the otway rainforest (although it wasnt raining, so its just a forest :) ). With 120million years of history and life came and gone, as much as it just seemed like a walk through paved roads in the forest, I felt in a way a sense of sad honour to be able to walk through so much greatness. And for once, I sincerely felt upset that I was accelerating the death of trees with my consumerism. Yet again I wonder if I will change my ways, probably, I will try harder to reduce my paper waste and daily life's electricity usage but I wonder to what extents I will continue feeling inspired. Many trees seemed newly planted and the place not as old as you would imagine, but the dirt and moss beneath your feet lays testimon to the years of life and decay, years that makes your existance seems truly negligible. The remaining pockets of the forest was small to me, not like the endlessness I always imagined, it comes to an end. Maybe one day we wouldnt even have our rainforests anymore, just replanted trees and reforestation pockets.
On a slightly brighter note, at our last stop, I had a dip in the waters of the ocean. in the enclaves of the sandstone cliffs. Impulse and attraction of the clear waters and my need to feel alive drove me to jump in. I dropped my things and pants and immersed myself in all 10degrees of life. Didnt get to stay long though, just a few minutes in real time, but it was enough, the rewards of feeling alive is beyond the measures of time. ended up being the only soggy idiot. but you seldom regret the things you have done, its the things you dont do that torments you. I hate the feeling of should have and could have. And I hope I never live with those feelings again. although I know in some areas I still will. Areas where rationality and level headedness must rule your life. Sometimes I really wish we could skip all that and just live the way we feel and let impulse and great feelings of irrationality spice up your life but then consequences acts as gravity and there you are back with feet planted on the ground. You can try to jump as high as you can and for a moment, you will be high, but the very next, you'll be back.
3hours drive back in darkness and the darker it is the more thoughts you tend to have. and so i spent it with headphones and admiration of the landscape, in contemplation.
I'm not sure why but beauty always leaves me feeling dark and melancholic. While on the reverse, I always seek light in darkness. Maybe I'm never meant to feel the elations of pure lightness. and yet then, maybe I'm also never meant to feel the abyss of darkness and the absence of light. In that way, I wonder if I'm lucky, to live with such balance, or mediocrity of emotions.
And so in another observation of life. The posing couple where the guy is the typical picture of a fatter man with gold chain and an expensive prosumer camera in hand and his partner the prettily dressed attractive female who flicks her hair while he photographs her everywhere. But they dont hold hands or trade affections. And then there was another couple who barely shares or talk or goes anywhere together and when she's tired, she lays on her folded jacket and he lays his head on the chair in front. They dont lie on each another. And another couple, who shares smiles here and there, the lady is pregnant. But he doesnt hold her hand. And the old couple who's spent more than half their life together and he cares in silent observation while she chatters on. He goes forward to explore while she simply hangs back to wait. So many years on. He doesnt hold her hand.
I know love is expressed in more ways than holding hands like paying your bills and ensuring there's food on the table and washing the dishes, maybe even buying jewellery and golf cubs and flowers. But what says I love you more than the simple act of holding your hand, the act of saying I'm here, I'm by your side and always in all ways, I'm real. The very first thing we do when we're falling in love is hold hands. When I fall in love, he has to hold my hand, whether i'm 20 or 50 or 70, he has to hold my hand and give me simple kisses openly. And with that thought, I cant wait to fast forward my life. To retirement with star gazing and quiet enjoyment of each other's presence. I know firstly he has to come along, but just for awhile, let this romantic sadly dream. :)
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