Reflections..

  Singapore, Singapore
Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Some reflecting to do.

Something in me definately wonders/worries about whether or not I should have spammed almost everyone I know, but like I always tell myself, If I dont ask, I dont get.

Its my first solo trip overseas and no doubt I am excited as hell. I've backpacked/travelled to different places but always I had a companion. This time round, it will be a test of how comfortable I am with myself. whether or not I will get lonely, how easily I can chat people up. I'm still in the process of forming my own self identity and this growing up for me is about becoming what I want to be, and so this becomes another way of stepping out of my comfort zone and doing what I really want to do. I've always been a critical and paranoid person, so every decision I take, I push aside all the what-if scenerios and devise methods to cope with them. And one of my main worries in life would be rape and its an issue I've always been very concerned about, whether on a personal level or it as a weapon of terror. Putting aside the "who will want to rape you?" line of thought, going alone as a 5'2" asian girl whose punches doesnt pack a punch (though i've been practicing!) isnt exactly the wises of decisions. But I could choose to follow convention and stay at home or I could choose to think and forsee the potential barriers and go out and live my life. I have to place a constant reminders to myself not to allow my nature to stop me from living, so as usual, I'll do what I want and have to do.

2007 has been a particularly difficult year for me. In fact, it is the worst so far. Its not that I've had many years, I'm only 20, but unfortunate events occur and they all chose to happen earlier this year. I'm not sure how I got through the first half of this year but I guess I did it since I'm here now at the second half. 2007 is the year I'm doing all my growing up. Accepting that almost everything that happens is a result of your own actions, both in a positive and negative light.

The trip would be time for me to reflect on my own actions, the resulting consequences and dealing with them. My soul really needed this trip and the moment I planned this, everything lighted up again. I'm a fidgity soul and I need change and excitment, but that too I must know only to pursue the right ones.

September onwards of 2007 has proven to be great and I can only see brighter days and years ahead. I just need to remember to take things into my own hands, and leave the uncontrollable to the hands of the divine. One thing I noticed alot of us can do would be to not simply lament that your siblings or parents are so and so but to instead take steps to love and respect your family and you'll get love in return.

I want to snorkle and sky dive cairns, hang around in townsville's magnetic island, give my hammock something to do, go to melbourne, stay around and enjoy the vibe, maybe the great ocean road. go to sydney see the habour at night, explore the streets, go to blue mountains, do some trekking, but most of all, I need to give the myself a break and prepare myself for a great life ahead.

Wheat biscuits, i dont quite like wheat biscuits.
If i'm lucky I might get cheese biscuits. :)
And i will be lucky.

sy!

And this if for sy, my buyer of the 11th stick. :)
Special thanks to the shy first 10. :]