Hong Kong With Chris
Trip Start
Oct 19, 2007
1
12
70
Trip End
Ongoing
Hong Kong,
China
Saturday, March 29, 2008
The "getting there" part of the trip was a little more eventful than either of us would have liked, plagued as it was by a few too many mishaps and much cardio. This is what happened...
After setting off in a disgustingly jolly mood with many smug exclamations along the lines of "Teehee, aren't we fabulous? We're going to Hong Kong where we can read real newspapers, drink wine and buy porn!" (you can work out for yourselves who was responsible for each of the items listed above... the wine is a no-brainer) we had to turn back because I'd forgotten my map (not that you can't get free tourist maps a plenty at the border, it's just that I am kind of sentimentally attached to my map...worn, creased and scruffy as it is) and Chris was troubled by one of those niggling "Oh no, what if I left my heater on and it burns down the whole building?!" paranoia thingies.
After this hiccup was sorted, we managed to get our butts into a cab and to te general vicinity of the train station. At this point we reasoned we should get some chow before entering the station (which entails lining up and going through security). After all, we wouldn't want to starve to death on the way to Shenzhen. Not that this would ever be possible...I mean you can even buy baijiu on the train if you so desired, not that any sane person would ever do this, but I get really cranky when I'm hungry, so I get quite single-minded about the importance of the eating aspect of any trip I take. Chris was happy to accompany me in the pursuit of food. We grazed on popo bing, then bought rice boxes. Food sorted, we lined up to get into the station. And that is when misfortune, chaos and all things annoying began.
The guard who checked our tickets told us we'd come a day early. Careful inspection of our tickets to Shenzhen confirmed that they were indeed for Monday night. It was Sunday. Oops. With only 20 minutes to spare before departure (keep in mind gates to the platform close 5 minutes before departure) Chris and I sprinted to the ticket office 200 m away. Picture 2 foreigners hurdling over suitcases, dumpling steamers and fruit stalls in a desperate dash for tickets, that may have given even Liu Xiang a run for his money, although was no doubt a lot less graceful. I begged the ticket seller to sell us tickets but to no avail, the computer booking system would not allow it. Officious little thing. Not enough time (the computer was actually right there wasn't enough time, but I cursed it mentally nonetheless). Further panicked enquiries revealed that the train leaving in 15 minutes was the last to Shenzhen for the night! The woman did however let slip one extremely important crumb of information. Most of the trains left scheduled to depart that night were going to Guangzhou.
The first time I ventured into China was a daytrip to Guangzhou from Hong Kong. I went there by train and got back by hovercraftCso I know for a fact the journey is possible. A sketchy plan to rescue Chris' visa run formed in my mind as I began to fire questions at the train ticket lady and then double checked with Chris who took the news that we were going to Guangzhou instead of Shenzhen remarkably well. New tickets were bought, the old were refunded. We walked back to the train station, my stomach gradually returning to its orginal position from where it had dropped (hiding in a depressed mess someplace in my converse, I suspect) during the sprint to the ticket officeB While I was not the person who booked the tickets, I confirmed them and didnet pick up the mistake when they were delivered. I had felt bitterly disappointed on my own behalf at the prospect of missing out on sauvignon blanc and a book buying bonanza which Ifd been looking forward to all week. But mostly I just felt guilty for screwing up Chris' plans. At the time I remember thinking, "Perhaps I should stick to traveling by myself, or with my Mum because I am usually graced with outrageously good travel luck. Whereas the last time I tried to travel with someone else (ie Tanya), we never even made it out of the airport!!! But then I remembered... I missed my first flight to Hong Kong (drunken alarm clock incidentC suffice it to say there was nothing the matter with the clock) and have terrible jinxes when it comes to Asia and trains iMalaysia, Thailand, Japan, Korea and now China...Ieve had train bungles in all of these countries and considering I was only in Malaysia for less than 72 hours the fact that I managed to have a train catastrophe there is actually quite impressive). In my defence, I guess I always manage to make it to my destination... just a couple of hours later than expected and a tad frazzled. This trip was no exception.
Our train was late. But that was good in some respects because it gave me more time to liaise with my guardian angel (aka my mum) and figure out how best to get from Guangzhou to Hong Kong. Mum is the only person I know who would ever be able to respond to a crisis such as ours with such speed and precision. She has a wealth of travel guides at her fingertips and (I suspect) all trustworthy travel websites bookmarked. Plus she loves me and so didnet tell me to wrack off when disturbed by my distressed text message late Sunday nightB Honestly, I am over 30. A motheres job really isnft ever done!
Chris and I regained our "We're (eventually) going to Hong Kong" high. We amused ourselves through the delayed departure by describing our brief adventures (hurm, misadventures is perhaps a more appropriate description, despite not yet having left Wuhan). Chris said I could write up the outcome of the botched up ticket incident by describing it slightly more colourfully as being kidnapped by gay mafia in a somethingerother of Chanel and chiffon. I think the lady who made our dinner must have slipped something in it along with the MSG because only this can explain us racing off down completely the wrong escalator to completely the wrong platform and train when the gate to the trains was finally opened. But even this turned out to be pretty spiffy because rather than making us walk up the stairs in shame, when the guards realised our mistake, they made countless other travellers, well maybe ten, wait as they reversed the direction of the escalator to allow the respected guests/ stupid ditzy moron foreigners to catch the right train. In retrospect I think they must have decided this was a safer option than the risk of letting two imbeciles loose on the stairs. Goodness knows what kind of havoc we might have caused there... Yes, it was embarrassing but it was pretty cool too. Nobody has ever reversed an escalator for me before. I was deeply moved.
We finally found our carriage, after running down the correct platform in the wrong direction. The direction thing was because the sign was wrong... I am starting to wonder if it is indeed even an advantage to be able to read Chinese characters when official type people go and write falsehoods on signs and such. As to why we were running.... I'm not sure, although I am certain it was my fault. In my defence, the Chinese all run for trains, which tends to instill a fear in one's heart that the locals know something that one is not privy to and that, therefore, one is about to have one's train knick off without one on board it. We flung ourselves, gasping for breath, into the darkened carriage where we had to use Chris' PDA to read the compartment numbers and find our bunks.
The relief of actually being on our way somewhere (although at that stage I was not entirely convinced that it was in the right direction and would not have been surprised to wake up the next day in Beijing... really, it was that kind of trip) made me do some stupid stuff. First I got my feet stuck in a handle/ towel rack thing above and slightly behind my head. I was stretching?! Next, figuring I should practice while there were no people about (our compartment was empty) I bruised myself on a bar, trying to clamber up to the top bunk. Chris of course found all this very amusing and laughed a lot at my expense. I managed to stay cheerful despite my new injuries in dodgy places, content in the knowledge that I must have lost weight otherwise there was no way my jeans could have taken the strain of the "feet caught above head while butt was shown to the universe" position I'd managed to get myself stuck in without splitting or causing me extreme pain.
After I disentangled my limbs and we finally calmed down enough to sleep, some snoring (and worse), moaning git kept us up for most of the night. We disembarked in Guangzhou, followed signs for the train to Shenzhen, got on and made it there then through customs just fine. Chris headed Russian embassywards, while I went to secure our hotel rooms.
To be continued...
In order to accomplish the two most important tasks or our to do list (ie, Russian visa and a roof over our heads) I went to claim our rooms at the infamous Chung King Mansions while Chris went to wrestle with Russian bureaucracy (unfortunately, as it turns out, not literally). When I arrived at the guest house, the guy there had no idea what I was on about with bookings and prices and what not. Without being able to consult with Chris I paid for a twin and put dibs on a single, then headed over to Wanchai. I (oops) happened to wander into Dymocks and accidentally picked up an armful of books. They cost half the price I'd expected due to a renovation sale. Fantastic. They asked if I was sure I didn't want more. I asked if it looked like I could carry anymore?! Besides I had to go meet Chris outside the Chinese Visa office (a place we were both all too familiar with... hiss boo!) They told me to consider getting him to help me carry more books. Don't think I didn't consider it. Considering what happened on our return to China I am really glad I didn't commit myself to a backpack heavier than I could carry on my own!
I took my books over to an outdoor cafe where (as luck/scheming would have it) it was 2 for 1 happy hour on wine and sat in the sun sipping wine and reading "Unspeak" which is, BTW a brilliant book. I ran to meet Chris. I, being by that stage slightly sozzled, (sun, wine and political bitchiness are a heady combination) was a little exuberant. So was Chris because despite being in completely the wrong city (he, being a resident of China, was supposed to get the visa in either Beijing or Shanghai, not Hong Kong), he'd managed to have a chat with the (surprisingly young and hot with a sexy accent) Mr Swanky Pants consul who had agreed to do it for him despite his geographical error. It being the visa. He was to go back the next mornings with photocopies of various things (documents) then collect his passport the next afternoon, just in time for the train back to Wuhan. We both gushed excessively for a while, then went to Mes Amis (my favorite place to drink wine in Hong Kong) where we gushed some more while inspecting the talent from our window seats. Chris disturbed me with underwear appraisals of the men walking past. After wine and snacks, we headed back to Kowloon where we consumed a veritable feast of Indian goodies that made my belly bulge quite alarmingly. I was waddling like a pregnant woman with one hand on my belly and the other supporting the small of my back. This of course led to several jokes about being with child. We dubbed the unborn baby "Baby Chicken Tikka Marsala" after the whole dish of chicken I'd consumed (Chris refused to share and told me if I wanted to try it I had to order my own, so I did...). Lugging my tummy, I tottered along for the walk as Chris went in search of porn (a favour for a Chinese friend... apparently the CCP is not particularly fond of porn of any sort, let alone the gay variety we aimed to procure). When a woman at one newsstand gave me a pitying look I realised what it must have looked like. Poor woman with child watches on helplessly while dodgy husband buys gay porn.
The next morning I awoke to find Baby Chicken Tikka had disappeared at some stage in the night. So, being ravenously hungry, we went to an Irish pub and begot Baby Bangers and Mash. What followed was more wanton book buying and then we split up, Chris for the Russian embassy and his date a la work visa with Mr Swankypants and me to Shenzhen to get our return tickets. We were to meet outside the train station at 7:30, I would leave without Chris if he was not there by 8. The train was supposed to leave at 8:43. Alas, the travel agent that told us that was an incompetent fool. I had one last glass of wine for the road and then set of in a merry mood back to China..., until, that is, I got to the ticket counter and found out the train left at 7:26!!! Baby Bangers and Mash was very nearly miscarried on the spot.
With no way of contacting Chris, all I could do was wait forlornly at the border, hoping he would make it to Shenzhen earlier than humanly possible. I waited until just after 7, exchanged the tickets at 7:15 then ran for the train (they close the gates to the platform 5 minutes before the train departs).
Despite taking a rather spectacular detour on the metro (he ended up in the New Territories which is definitely not on the way to Lowu and the border) Chris apparently turned up only about 10 minutes later and spent a long while calling out my name plaintively, refusing to believe he'd been abandoned. When he went to buy a ticket and the lady told him the train had already left, it hit him what must have happened. I got locked in a sleeper carriage with a screaming baby all the way back to Wuchang. I figured Chris had gotten the better end of the deal, but, on the way to the Shangri-la (having been deserted by the mother of his unborn pub breakfast child, he'd decided to pamper himself) he was kidnapped and taken to a really dodgy hotel where they knocked on his door several times during the night trying to lure him into paying for "Missy Massages" which, if you know Chris, you will realise would only happen over his dead (and possibly still protesting) body. The next night when he finally got on the train back to Wuhan, he too was locked in with a screaming baby. Did we piss off the train gods or what?!
