Aeroplane travel
Trip Start
Jul 24, 2008
1
21
22
Trip End
Ongoing
Seminyak,
Bali,
Indonesia
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
How are all of you?? Have to say my trip home was just amazing thanks to most of you lot and the lazy buggers who can't be bothered to log in to read this gibberish! Figured it was probably time to update you all on how the bits of the trip 'not UK based' went... Can not be bothered to drivel on about 'UK based' activities, (especially since if I complained as much about what went on at home as I did away some of you would probably deck me) sorry.
The flight home was a nightmare as was to be expected when shoving a not so small Welshman into a miniscule cubic space, tantalisingly close to the right size and dimensions for his body, but in fact meeting neither the correct length, breadth, depth or height required. A sort of a battle ensued to fit my corpse like form into the zed-like, foetal resembling, shape needed to pass the brief twenty four period of my life.
However one shouldn't grumble especially when they provide such amazing inflight entertainment... Options such as 'local TV' and 'Hits from the 40s' were swiftly bypassed and a soothing lyllaby of modern digital drama/comedy/romance wafted me into that zen like state experienced so often by people around the world... A bit like being unconscious only your conscious to enjoy the numbing of your mind. As I drifted into and out of this semi-conscious, screen-absorbed, state, I occasionally noticed things around me, (though the mind numbing technique had dampened curiosity to critically low levels, along with creative thought and inspiration levels that were flat-lining) such as the Balinese guy sitting next to me. I first met Made, (pronounced Mad-eh) at the fiscal counter, where he was very confused and confided in me that he had never left Bali before... too which I added to confusion by confiding that neither had I... I helped him to work out the forms at the fiscal desk and confirmed the staggering amount he was required to pay in order to leave Indonesia, (IRP 1'000'000! Think that's bad? It went up this year to IRP 2'500'000!! Do not worry, my many impending visitors, that is only for people who are resident in the country... without it they don't let you back in!!). You can imagine, dear friend, how delighted I was to discover that Made was sitting next to me on my flight. Wide eyed and 'Beanesque' in his exploration of his zed-like area. He appeared to understand nothing, ranging from the chair controls and a/c options right through to the inflight entertainment and headphones. During one of the moments I managed to struggle free of the digital void and surface caught him punching various buttons and pausing to watch the results in a very methodical, scientific way. He eventually abandoned these bizarre experiments, having failed to even switch on his monitor and surreptitiously watched my screen with all the tact and discretion you would expect from my descriptions thus far. I did not know how to tell him that he had been hitting the light and a/c options and the entertainment was controlled by the remote control box wired into his arm rest... Repeated insertion and removal eventual gave him the message but a second round of experiments failed to get him further than the intro screen and so I spent the rest of the flight trying to make entertainment choices I felt would travel well when viewed sideways and without sound.
Meals were also an impressive array of, well, nutrients is the closest word I can come up with... It's technically inaccurate and fails to convey my true meaning, but will have to do for want of an actually relevant phrase. Again Made found it hard to understand what the hell they were and a copycat routine began where I would unwrap a roll, Made unwraps his roll. I use half my butter packet to moisten the bone dry, fibres labelled as mini, country, cottage, style bread, Made uses half his butter to moisten. Was like comedy mime only without the hilarity that so often accompanies those bastions of silent comedy.
A highlight of the tip for me was the announcement that the plane was approaching Singapore and would be landing shortly would we please fasten all seatbelts, etc. As well as shaking me out of my semi-hypnotic daze it left me wondering where on my itinery Singapore had been mentioned... I was booked onto flights from Bali to Doha, (for refuelling) and Doha to London... For those of you who don't know, Singapore is not really on the way from Bali to Doha... and Singapore is just a few hours from Bali... I wish I could have captured on film my response to this announcement, it could not have been more British reserve. A jerk of the head as realisation that something unexpected and potentially disastrous has happened... Followed instantly by the kick in, panic protection, mechanism to act normally and pretend that everything is fine. The sideways glances at other passengers to check if they are reacting... The hurried checking of 'inflight data' for any kind of info... No help there although it was comforting to see that we were travelling at 'random speed' per hour and were at 'high enough to kill you before you even hit the ground' height. I decide my best option is to keep my head down and follow everyone else whilst making ready to run for freedom should I detect the possibility of being detained in a Singaporian jail... My usual mix of total, passive, acceptance and hysterical over-reaction neatly bundled into a tense ball of outwardly calm energy. I would like to thank Qatar airlines for this unscheduled, unexplained and to all intents and purposes, unnecessary stop as I believe the adrenaline it pumped into my system, (not least because the take off and landing are my least favourite parts of engaging in an activity so unnatural and essentially life threatening!) and quite possible saved me impending deep vein thrombosis.
Needless to say I managed to survive the trip and enjoy just shy of three weeks of UK sanity, where the roads are drivable, animals and plants rarely attempt to kill you, electricity is dependable and what you are eating has few exciting surprises to thrill and extensively damage your body for months to come. Then I did it all again to get back to a country so blindingly hot that without wearing sunglasses the inside of your eyes burn. This time when I landed I felt like I was returning home... Scary or what?
When I returned I was gutted to learn that I had missed Adi's teeth filing ceremony... That's right a ceremony where his teeth would be filed so they form a straight line... For some this is a symbolic momentary pull on a file across your teeth, for some a fairly major operation, performed in public with no pain killers and for an extended period of time. It is, however, endured for the very important reason of controlling the bad words and thoughts that might escape otherwise... It is a ceremony that is supposed to be performed before you get married, very wise timing I feel. Adi assures me he's not planning to get married and it was more to share the costs with other families all at once, but when I look at his mum I wonder if marriage isn't closer than he might suppose?
Inabit butts and buttesses,
Ixxx
