Shout Out #28

Trip Start Jun 05, 2006

Trip End Ongoing

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Flag of India Rishikesh, India
Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The label reads: Dry fomentation could precede or follow application of Moov. Massage gently to facilitate penetration. Ash said to Elad, Ninie, and Sebastian, "This stuff is so good it foments before you even put it on." What's fomentation anyway? Since it precedes application I'm not even sure I want to know. I'll be sure to massage gently though." (Fomentation is an herbal treatment that could be applied.) Everybody from the class was rubbing Moov all over their sore muscles. The classes went deep. Elad in particular was getting tremendous benefits. One of his vertebrae protrudes from his back. It has been misaligned throughout his life. After three weeks in class the bump diminished drastically- at least halfway. He'd done yoga before and never experienced such a change. In the breathing exercises he was improving 4-fold on his intervals- an accomplishment only achieved with a quieted mind. He was beyond where he thought he could go.

    They talked about Krishna quite often. During class Ninie asked him how old he was. He answered, "There's no birth, no death. We are without beginning or end." At breakfast after class, Ninie mentioned him being 72.
    "He's not 72", Sebastian answered.
    "I thought he was. That guy in town said he was 72."
    "He's not", Elad answered. "We asked and he told us he wasn't 72."
    Krishna had two things he wouldn't say: his age and why he wore fuzzy gloves during class. Ash worked out a general idea of his age based on some other facts he shared during the classes. "He mentioned that his brother was 75 when he re-emerged from his exile and that he has lived in Rishikesh for 17 years. That makes his brother 93 now. Krishna's the youngest of his siblings so he would have to be twenty years younger than his brother for it to be true that he's 72. It's possible, but I think he's even older."
    The topic shifted to his gloves. Krishna had just bought a replacement pair and Ninie was curious about whether he kept all his old gloves.
    Laughing, Elad said, "Yeah, I bet he's got them all numbered."
    "He said in class he wouldn't throw them away because they'd done good service."
    A new girl started going to the classes. She was from British Columbia but moved to Quebec to work for Cirque du Soleil as a costume designer. Some of the exercises in class were done with the help of a partner. 'Elad's back exercise' was one such exercise and Canada- Krishna's name for Zoe- was Ash's partner

. After helping with the back stretches the partner then does some massaging. Krishna stepped in to correct Ash's technique. "Massage not like flower...(whimpering for emphasis) eeahh, eeahh, eeahh. Next time Canada you'll get Indian style."
    The message of the day involved name-calling and being offended. "If you take offense at being called a dog it means you are doubting whether you are a dog or not. Also, before you finger someone else you must finger yourself."
    Ash's leg was still injured. His hamstring had been pulled for a week now. In all the other stretches he was fine. The leg stretches were the ones to get him. Krishna encouraged him to work out the problems. "Give me another week." He knew Ash was thinking of leaving.

    Because the days in Rishikesh were becoming similar and it was almost the end of his trip, he thought of going to Darjeeling or even getting some days in Bhutan- a country looking to measure the GDH, Gross Domestic Happiness. A few days later he bought a train ticket to Kolkata, where he could catch another train to the north. He didn't feel like staying another week. The pilgrimage season made arranging tickets very difficult. Plans had to be made ahead of time so he couldn't just hop on like he preferred

. The train ticket didn't get used.

Zoe, Marlena, Julio, Guy (Gee), Sylvan (Syl-VAH), and Ash were all sitting at the table. English was spoken for Ash's sake. Marlena, Guy, and Sylvan are all French. Julio is Spanish but did a stint in Paris. Zoe learned French in Quebec. Ash is from America where only girls studied French in high school. Julio lived in a touristy part of Spain. During his youth he saw loads of people swing through town with a lot of money and free time. His desire to travel came from watching the freedom of people on the move. Guy is an old man with a socially provided income. In India he loves 5-rupee chai but expects 5-euro service. Ash loved his rationale about certain things. "I am an unimportant man. My existence is not important to this world. Why pretend?" (Now where's my god-dammed tea!). Marlena is a teacher in Paris who uses her summers for travel. Sylvan is a hard man to describe. He studied kinesiology and calls himself a healer. He also trained to be a circus clown. The topic he spoke most passionately about though, was the flute. He spoke philosophically about his flute, and how he loves his flute like he loves a woman...without need for seduction. "When I play I'm fully immersed. There is no Syl-VAH anymore; only music."
Ash took much inspiration from his words

. Initially it was an inspired rant of mental name calling...mostly flute loop and douche-bag. Then he realized he had to finger himself if he was going to finger someone else. "Do I want to be a douche-bag to? No. There's no reason to be negative. He's just excited about learning the Indian flute." Throughout the breakfast he waged this mental battle about Sylvan. "Douche-bag! Wait, there's no need to be negative. I'll just listen to him play or I can turn my attention elsewhere." "What, a, clown! Wait, well...he is actually a clown, but there's no need to judge. Not everybody can balance a flute on their nose." It was a good test. Ultimately he thought Sylvan was just funny. When they decided to take a trip to the waterfalls Ash was simultaneously glad Sylvan was staying behind and that he could shake his hand without feeling negative about him.
By late afternoon the group dwindled to Julio, Zoe, and Ash. They stopped in for dinner and Julio raced off to class as soon as he finished. Zoe and Ash didn't have the motivation. Especially after eating. They decided to take a swim in the Ganga instead. Lorena, a Spanish girl from class was at the same spot. She had just learned how to 'run to the stiff'. The previous day she ferociously paddled across the river, struggling throughout the swim. By the time she reached the opposite shore she had washed far downstream. She realized that she swam how she was living- chaotic and ungrounded. On the second attempt she relaxed and paddled casually- making it across with the ease of a cow tumbling downhill.

Ash hadn't seen Elaine (the Taiwanese woman who came to India to learn about teaching yoga) much since he started going to Krishna's class. In the morning she was waiting by Krishna's sign. He was planning on leaving soon and she wanted to say goodbye properly

. After class she took him to breakfast and they took some pictures together. His decision to stay came that night and he was ultimately able to spend more time with her.

    "Krishna, why do you wear white?' Ninie was giving him a hard time.
"Because it takes more work! Work is worship."
Ash and Zoe had just arrived. "Hey Architect, who do you like more, me or Canada?"
    "I like Canada more, Krishna."
    Turning to the class, "Did you guys hear that? Architect just said he doesn't like me." Turning back to Ash, "I love you, do you love me?"
    "Yes Krishna, I love you too."
    With humor, "Then why are you leaving? I said to give me a week."
    "I'm not sure I'll actually go. The situation has changed since I bought the ticket." When he bought the ticket he was getting anxious to move on.   The days were starting to feel repetitive. Now his leg was healing, his body felt like it was awakening, and he was curious about Zoe.

    Maintaining a quiet life can be difficult. Part of the reason Ash booked the ticket was that Rishikesh is really quiet. Part of the reason he stayed was that Rishikesh is really quiet. Much can change in a few days. The circumstances are of little importance. The crucial distinction rests in one's relationship with those circumstances. Rishikesh is quiet, Ash isn't accustomed to long durations of stillness...he buys a ticket across the country, a 30-hour ride to one of the craziest cities in the country.   Rishikesh is quiet, yoga goes deeper, Zoe arrives...Ash decides to stay.   The circumstances changed and the changes shaped his decision to stay, but the distinction rests in his relationship with those circumstances. Be with the quiet or make some noise?

    Outside of class, they spent the majority of three days together. A line of tension was building in his thoughts. The daily yoga and meditation was acting against his prior habits; silence vs. noise. Both arenas brought choices about how to relate to the situations at hand. Where does Zoe fit and do I want to go there? It took 3 days for him to decide.
    They shared several dinners, talked much, talked little, met one another's friends, and went to yoga...little about Zoe or Ash changed in those 3 days. Their relationships to one another- to the situation- are what changed

. Of all people, Sylvan helped Ash decide which direction he wanted to go.
The debate began when Sylvan spoke about certain Asian traits with a hint of negativity. He was trying to express thoughts about the differences between eastern and western cultures- heart versus head, many versus individual, and the nature of love and detachment. Some of his points came out more negatively than Zoe wanted to hear. Because his thoughts were in contrast to hers, she was offended. Because she was offended she became offensive...on the attack. Based on Sylvan's speculation about whether monks contribute much to society she voiced a somewhat romanticized version of Asian countries being more loving and graceful. Ash had thought quite a bit about the subject. Both Sylvan and Zoe were getting at the heart of something he'd written a few months earlier. Essentially, they were both hitting on valid thoughts but they both added some invalid thoughts too. He was able to bridge the gap a little.
The incident made him fully aware of something he didn't want to deal with in Zoe. As a result of some uncertainty about life or who she is, she took certain differences of opinion as personal attacks. Seeing her response to Sylvan he knew he wasn't going any farther with her. She was looking for someone to capture or worship or both. All three were exceptionally noisy propositions. The decision was clear: be with the quiet. Accommodating another person's confusion wasn't worth the loss of solitude. His own confusions were enough to deal with. For the first time in his life, he knew his relationship with silence was worth more than his relationship with someone else.
That's when Krishna started whispering about the benefits of celibacy. When he first brought up the idea in talks outside of class, Ash thought little of it

. Even when Krishna just suggested heightened standards- "Maybe once a month and only with a good girl with positive energy"- it didn't make any sense to him. Then Krishna pointed out his shaky legs during some of the exercises and commented on it being the result of smoking and promiscuity. In time Ash started to understand Krishna's perspective. Yogis practice celibacy as a means for maintaining strong energy. More energy = deeper practice (in all the limbs of yoga) = more silence = more energy. It's an upward spiral. When he saw the wisdom behind the idea he finally understood. Hadn't he just made a similar decision with Zoe? Knowing and living are two different things though. The level of clarity required to maintain celibacy is vast. It's not something he could fully practice but he got a taste of the freedom that comes with the removal of desire. The benefits of removing only one desire are tremendous. Life without any desire, for anything- food, comfort, acceptance, sex,etc.- would truly be incredible. All misery is tied to a desire by either satisfaction or avoidance.

"Hello South Africa!" Krishna greeted a new woman in class. Marlena corrected him, saying the woman was French. Krishna was having a hard time reconciling the notion of there being a black French woman. "You are not from France originally?"
"No

. Congo."
    "Where is that?"
    "Central Africa."
    "Ahh, the center of the Earth."
    Ash made his decision to stay and it was already paying off. His leg had almost healed and his body was becoming much more flexible. Before class he always sat and talked with Krishna and Peter. Peter's an Austrian man who's been splitting his time between Europe and India for 10 years. He'd been practicing with Krishna for 6 months. As with most people who said little, his words held more weight. The pre-class discussions are where Krishna spoke a little more openly about some of his ideals, i.e. celibacy, and Peter added his thoughts. Those are the kind of discussions Ash wanted to hear. The easily accepted ideas- the ones shared in class- aren't the ideas that break through barriers.
    After class Peter walked into town with Ash and Zoe. He typically went his own way on motorcycle but tonight he was on foot. Peter brought a contemplative perspective to the walk. "Why are you here Zoe? Why India?"
    "Because it feels like home."
    Nodding in agreement, "It's the same for me. I'm certain I was here in the past. I bet you were too. That's why I live here much of the year. At first I traveled around India but now I mostly come to this area. It's special to me." As a subtle reference to Krishna and some other people he had met, he added, "There are some amazing people in India." They walked a few paces in silence then he turned to Ash, "Why are you here? Why did you start doing yoga?"
    "I first started because I wanted to heal my travel-abused body

. My motives changed when I started to understand what Krishna was getting at...overcoming limitations by calming the mind and living with more awarenss- living yoga not doing it. It's hard to even say what yoga is."
    "I agree. I don't even like to talk with people about what it is. Talking about it gets farther away from what it is and I find that it empowers my ego." Peter rarely spoke with ego.

    As was custom, Elad, Ninie, Sebastian, and Ash were having the after-morning-yoga breakfast at one of the chill-out restaurants. Zoe stayed behind to talk with Krishna after class. Ninie had something she wanted to ask Ash but proceeded hesitantly. "Sooo...Ash...?"
    "Yeah?"
    "Uhh, I'm curious..."
    "I think I know what you're getting at...it's okay to ask."
    "Have you and Zoe, uhh, hooked up?'
    He hadn't heard that term in long while. It was a perfect way to ask. "No we haven't. We're not going to either."
    "I thought for sure...you guys have spent all this time together and...no? Nothing happened."
    "No. I realized it wasn't going to work for me. The funny thing is that Krishna started talking to me about celibacy, AND, I'm actually listening."
    "He talks to you about being celibate."
    "Yeah, and I'm hearing his points

. In some of the stretches my legs get shaky and he whispered to me that it comes from smoking and sex."
    "What? You smoked?"
    "I just stopped in the last month or so. I smoked a lot during this trip. Something happened though. It's hard to explain but I basically became a person who doesn't smoke before I actually stopped smoking. I don't know how anyone could just quit. It's like what Gandhi said, "You have to be the change you want to see." Somehow I became a non-smoker. It wasn't quitting- I just stopped. Now I don't even understand the psychology of wanting to inhale toxins through a filter. It really is something of an insanity. Anyhow, yeah, Krishna's been pushing on some of my biggest hang-ups. He's talking of celibacy, and at a minimum, it's helping me see through some of my old habits. Well, I've gotta go now. I want to wash my clothes before I go to a friend's place for lunch."
    "You're getting to be like Krishna...washing your clothes every day."
    "I'm going to start wearing white just because it's more work."
    "I was wondering how your shirt is staying so clean", Elad added.
    With two classes a day and a small selection of clothes, it was necessary to do laundry every day

. It became really satisfying for him too. He played music, scrubbed his clothes in the sink, and took part in no discussions with Zoe or anybody else. Rishikesh is small. After a few days the faces get familiar and the discussions all sound the same. The time alone- doing laundry in an uninviting bathroom- was a great relationship with solitude. Work really is worship if it's treated that way.

Elaine likes to cook. It took some effort but she ultimately found a hotel room with a kitchen. Ash jumped at the offer of a homemade lunch. It was far beyond anything he expected. When he arrived she had momos (Tibetan dumplings), little pizzas, soup, banana and chocolate pastries, and some mixed fruit. Everything was made from scratch- the dough was even made from whole-wheat flour. It was unbelievable. Finding whole-wheat flour couldn't have been easy either. After months of subsisting on white rice and white naan, the lunch was far beyond just a simple treat. This was an occasion. It was the best gift he'd received throughout the journey...a perfectly quiet afternoon with a beautifully quiet woman and a delicious lunch.