Hiatus

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  Canberra, Australia
Sunday, March 16, 2008

Hi everyone it's Ing! I've been on hiatus from email and blogging, kind of having some growing pains and so much has been happening and i MISS EVERYONE! i have been kind of hiding out a little, and judging by how many of you are appearing in my dreams, it's time to reconnect!

Now we're in Canberra, (the great nations's capital, and the capital of nothing much to do) with my Mum! We spent a few days in Sydney at my Aunt and Uncle's house who i haven't seen since i was 12, then took a road trip to Canberra via Goulborn, the place of my birth! and we stopped by to see the little zucchini farm that i grew up on till i was almost 4. We're visiting my Aussie family today, seeing my cousin's new little baby Hugh!

It's so good to see my Mum i can't even explain it, she is a ray of sunshine and what a comfort! especially after the growing pains of Byron Bay, more on that later.

So i'm going to be random and throw out some thoughts and happenings, and also trash Heath's reputation like he is trashing mine! just kidding, but i think some of those stories require a little more discussion so that they represent my experience of them, not just a crazy statment of things that happened.

Growing Pains.

So we found ourselves in Byron Bay, an artist and traveller and surfer community, where everyone is friendly and interesting and wants to make friends, and a place where we have the opportunity to try anything and everything we could think of. Our hostel is called the Arts Factory, and it's buzzing with activity and creativity - every day i can take a didjeridoo lesson, learn Hula dancing, firedancing, play guitar, take a "Bush Tucker" walk and learn the medicinal and nutritional and practical uses of about 20 plants, surf, paint, ride bike, or just sit and talk for hours in a hammock with so many interesting people. Or also party all day, as there are a lot of people here who just camp out in the courtyard all day long with a box of wine (called the Goon) and just booze it up. it's place we felt like staying for a while and not running around. After New Zealand, and our amazing road trip and our great exploration, we are ready for a little time to reflect personally and i definitely feel like we have slipped a little into the comfort of Us thing, and I'm not thinking for myself in a strong, decisive way. Easy to do when you travel as a couple, but critical to my happiness and to keeping our adventure fresh and positive - i have to pay attention to what i want and what is going to make me feel good and healthy and happy, and productive and useful. In a place like Byron bay, with all these choices, i am faced with the questions i'm always so good at avoiding - what do i really want to do? my usual answers are...um, i guess workout, something artistic, but i don't really know what, or i don't know, what is everyone else doing?!! i feel like i'm completely not myself, and a complete social retard when we are meeting new people and can't hold a conversation very well! it's like i skipped a very important step after NZ of keeping up on my self-reflection and journaling, and find myself completely insecure - my head is full of things like, these people have such interesting stories, and i have nothing interesting to share. and i feel like i'm so tired of telling the same story when we meet people, i'm from the States, i just quit my accounting job blah blah blah...and it's also like we're living in a hot singles scene- there are so many girls here that are single and have brought their hairdryers with them and their hair straightners and come out of the bathroom looking fabulous and hot and done up, and i am doing the au-natural thing and kind of feel dumpy and ugly, and have started focusing on how i look, instead of how i feel. RATS! I kind of thought i would just naturally get over those things now that we're traveling, but it's just like anything you have to work on - you have to do the work to change your mind, it's not just going to be quick fixed by changing location. HA! it's funny, in Fiji, i didn't feel any of the insecurity about anything, because everything was so different and unfamiliar and the focus was so different - but then we jumped back into the Western culture in NZ (althought in NZ everything culturally is very Western and familiar, but we still had the distraction of such a gorgeous natural playground and exploring that was forefront on our minds, but then we get to Australia, which is extremely similar to the States culturally, and are kind of living in a bar, and the focus is now on me and how i function in that type of environment, or more like, figuring out how to not lose myself and be swayed or changed by my environment into making myself feel bad.

That's enough of Dear Diary, and sorry if that's too much fluffing around and personal stuff for good reading, but it's what's on my mind and what's shaping my days right now!

**Read no further if you are sensitive. or related to me. or a former co-worker/boss. SERIOUSLY!

I am not a nudist:

Hmmm, naked bike ride. I'm definitely not into being naked in public, or comfortable with it, and i am definitely not a nudist. but i also think it's interesting how urgently i feel that i do not want people to judge me and classify me in any way, and how i have this feeling that i have to explain my self after Heath ratted me out to everyone i know. It really draws attantion to how much i care about what people think of me - which is WAY too much. I don't think that should weigh so heavily into what i decide to do or not do every minute of my life, but i seem to let it. I'm not sure if it's part of human nature, to want to fit in and to not be outcast, or if it's something i developed in an extreme way in how and where i grew up and lived. And i see how much it controls my actions- even when i'm out here and a complete stranger and i know no one, i still feel like i care what people think of me, and let that shape my days. and i've concluded that that is no way to go about things!!

It's funny, there's such a social hangup with nudity and showing our bodies and some of you know i'm the worst of it - showing my stomach is such a painful hangup for me. The thought of being naked and being seen is just mortifying. So Heath forgot to mention all the beautiful intentions of that ride and what it was really about, as opposed to just "hey we were naked in public, it could be on youtube." The ride was intended to draw attention to being good to the environment, and being natural, about not being so judgemental about nudity and our bodies in such a negative way. I had no intention myself of actually participating, i was just planning to be the support in case someone fell of their bike and got a bad case of road rash. hmmm.

plus i was only half naked and painted completely green, so it doesn't really count.

ok my Mother is here and i feel a little inappropriate and it's time to be lovely and proper to meet the family!

hopefully some more pictures and some good stories to come!!!