Huntin and Skinnin Right From The Beginnin.
Trip Start Nov 20, 2006
16Trip End Apr 10, 2009
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Our time in Canada was spent trying to work and trying to kill large mammals. We managed to do some renovations including Mountain Equipment Co-Op which was a good job. Strange though how every man working there managed to mince and prance about while cranking the heat so high that picking up a wrench was enough to make me get a sweat rash.
Scenario: Jerrod and I are sitting on the floor slowly putting a kicker on a column with sweat running into our eyes. Fruitcup McGee walks up and says "Hi there boys". Jerrod twists his face into a rictus of anger and says,
"What in the sweet french fried fuck is wrong with the heat in here?"
Slippery Steven (formerly known as Fruitcup McGee) replies,
"Yeah I know right? I'm soooo chilly oh my gawd!" He then pirouetted, flicked his bangs out of his eyes, clicked his ruby slippers and dissappeared in a poof of Chanel #5. Poof. I threw a large caulking gun at him but he was already gone. I'm sure he would have liked it though. He seemed like he had some caulk experience.
Every chance we had my brother and I were off to the hills of Kananaskis to try peg that big brown bastard out there. Biggest black bear Jerrod ever did see. We also saw the biggest moose I'd ever seen or even considered. Turns out we aren't allowed to hunt out there. Coulda fooled me cause we hunted the shit outta that place. Good thing we didn't kill anything.
Certainly the highlight of the trip home was guiding some excellent Irish guys with our friend Bruce 'Old School' Devlin. He decided to call in the Gorilla Cav when he realized it would be hard for him to guide 3 guys in a territory he hadn't really been too. Bruce is a machine but hell even I would have a little bit of trouble doing that. And I'm some sort of awesome. We chased the hell out of elk all over that goddamn valley and ended up shooting the stupidest moose I've ever seen or even considered. Plus it was nice hunting in the territory we used to guide without Dave "Assclown Walks Like His Body is Following His Big Stupid Mustache Around" Schneider there to screw things up. He was our boss and can't tell his asshole from his elbow. So thanks to The Fightin Irish, Bruce, Tyler, Dad (the Don) and Jayrod for an amazing time.
Greg-Gor Sekulic, Jerrod, Mason, and I also had a bit of a try at hunting back home, turns out either we suck or the last winter killed everything before we could. It's a travesty when animals don't get to die as God intended. On the recieving end of a high velocity ballistic projectile fired from a grassy knol amidst the stink of fake deer piss, malt, hops and whatever else goes into making the nectar of the gods. Which reminds me beer in Canada kicks Aussie beers ass. Period.
Jerrod did get a whitetail deer but I think it might have been gay. I'm not sure if it was a fop or a dandy but it was giving the barrel of his gun a weird 'come hither yon phallic symbol' look and Jay-Rod-a-Saurus had a finger spasm of homophobia which successfully removed that pe-deer-ast from the scene. I just know we coulda called that deer in with show tunes instead of a doe-in-heat grunt. Anyway short story shorter Jerrod has a big gay piece of boney meat hanging in his car port. Creepy.
Luckily before heading back over to the Land of Aus I got to have a good visit with a good number of my accomplices. Kyle The Mule returned to Canada amidst a flurry of shotgunned Lucky Lagers and a good amount of hollering at each other happily trying to shout down each others travel stories. I'm affraid the already not too friendly neighbours know all too well that drunkin Kyle and Jordan get a little yelly. Oh and if you wanna hear a crazy story about the neighbours phone Jerrod so he gets embarrased. Also, thanks to the Don for picking us up from the police station at 8 in the morning. Seeing Raegan, Jerrod, Jessie-Ohhh, Kyle, Dad, Marshall, Sarah, Celina and whoever I'm forgetting all in the same place was nice. We had fun.
I'm sure I forgot to write about something terribly important but whatever I'm off to the airport. Screw this cold shit. Australia and New Zealand need a good ass kicking and my trucks been in long term parking at the airport in Broome for 2 months longer than I planned. I hope theres someone living in it. That's easier to eplain than finding someone dead in it.
Also, thanks for everything while I was home Mom! And Jerrod thanks for the hospitality, hopefully you got my stink out of the spare room. Rawk Awn. See ya in New Zealand.