L.A.: Larger Than Life
Trip Start
Jan 13, 2005
1
4
23
Trip End
Apr 28, 2005
Los Angeles,
California,
United States
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Driving down the Pacific Coast Highway, I am in search of the best way to describe Los Angeles and all things California. At the intersection, I notice a young Hispanic man peddling his oranges.
"Naranjas, naranjas, amigos."
Man, I ponder, they do everything to the extreme in L.A. They are hardcore anything. They even sell oranges on the freakin' street!
I lean out the window to get this man's opinion about California.
"Hey, bud," I shout. "How would you describe L.A.?" The languid fountain that next poured from this wellspring of knowledge best articulated it and confirmed my suspicions.
"L.A.?! Man, you don't know where you at, ese! L.A. es bigger, better, and badder, man. You want oranges? We got oranges. We sell them on the freakin' street. Who does that?! You want natural disasters? What? What you get in Floreeda, ese?" taunting me. "You get one hurricane? Uno?! We get eart-quakes, floods, mudslides, tweesters, smog, and Snoop-dog. You want a governor? We got freakin' president Arnold A Swarzenneger! Mix up a declaration, hermano! This es L.A., man!"
"You want cars? We got more cars than people, man! Es la verdad! We need an extra one to bust up on the highways, comprende? And highways! You want highways?! We put highways anywhere! We don't even know where we goin', chico, and we get on the highway. Movies? We ARE movies? L.A. y movies son igualamente, si!!"
"Churches? We got big ass churches! Jesus Christo es AQUI. Starbucks? One every 20 feet! We own TWO baseball teams! We got three skylines! Everyone else only got one. We make up our own freakin' fast food places, amigo! Jack-In-The-Box, El Pollo Loco; who makes up this sh!t?? We do, ese! Where else do they use mountain-sized hair nets to hold back the mud? Where else do people get eaten by mountain lions right off their bikes? It ain't right, but its L.A."
"Gangs?! We started 'gangs'! We have more gangs than jelly-belly flavors, ese! Blue gangs, red gangs, sheeeet, teal and rainbow gangs, if-you-know-what-I-mean, amigo. We have gang-Rush day at school AND gang re-hab. 12 steps, amigo. When you see someone get beaten one-two-many times by the police es aqui, hermano. Who does that kind of sh!t, ese? Es L.A., man. L.A."
I stared mesmerized by this anomaly. "So, amigo, you want some oranges?"
