One night in Bangkok

Trip Start Sep 08, 2011
Trip End Jan 08, 2012

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Roof View Place Bangkok
Read my review - 4/5 stars

Flag of Thailand  ,
Saturday, September 24, 2011

The best plans of mice and men are oft rent alcohol. This morning I had intended to visit the Grand Palace and the Reclining Buddha before seeing the most important event of the day; New Zealand vs France in the Rugby World Cup. Due to a hangover, though, I only did one of those things. Can you guess which one?

Yesterday was all about sightseeing. I took the express ferry (ridiculously cheap!) up and down the river and ended up in Chinatown. There I visited the Golden Buddha, the story of which seems to have come straight out of a script for Indiana Jones (dum- di-dum-dum, dum-di-daaa...) Apparently  the Golden Buddha was just a typical statue if a little bigger than your average Buddha (3 metres high), the history of which had been lost over time. However, after an accident while moving it, part of the stone had chipped to reveal gold underneath. An average Buddha? Not even close. It is 5.5 tons of solid gold. While I was looking at it, I have to admit I imagined myself as Indiana Jones, trying to work out a way to steal it!

So, during the day, I'd seen some of the sights from the river, I’d had a look around Chinatown, I’d seen the Golden Buddha, I’d even taken my first tuk-tuk ride and bought a ticket for a Muay Thai tournament on Sunday. Now bring on the night...

That meant going back to Khao San Road. However, I never actually got there. I wandered down a road just before it and stopped at the first bar (in the very loosest sense of the word – it was in on the pavement and in the street with a freezer for the drinks, a couple of picnic tables and some plastic stools, but the music was good). There I met a Kiwi and 2 Germans and it was a good night with lots of large bottles of Chang Beer. The only thing of interest is that the Kiwi is here on a dental tour. "What does that mean?" I hear you ask.

Well, it seems that there are organised tours from New Zealand to have dental work done in Bangkok. Apparently, dental work is so much cheaper here than in New Zealand that you can fly out, get your dental work done and have your holiday in Bangkok for less than the cost of the same treatment in New Zealand! As far as I understand, the dentists are not back street butchers but are actually very well-qualified. Something to think about...

Thailand and the Thai’s are great, but, so far, everyone who has called out to me in the street has been offering me something: a tuk-tuk, a taxi, 'boom boom’ (prostitutes), a suit etc. Unsurprisingly, I’ve started to get suspicious when Thais call out to me in the street. The guys I met at the bar, also had a healthy suspicion of certain types of Thais – after all, we’re staying in a tourist ghetto and are easy prey to unscrupulous. It’s no different really than undesirable elements wanting to relieve unsuspecting tourists of their belongings in Barcelona or London. So, when they talked about people regularly getting robbed after a night with a Thai woman and they took precautions against that by never taking them back to their own hotel room but instead getting a different hotel for the night. The reasoning being that if they got robbed, only the money they had on them would be stolen and not the rest of their things, like a laptop, mobile phone, ipod etc. I’ve got to say I started to feel paranoid.

So, I virtually jumped out of my chair when a random Thai woman came up to me at the bar and said to me, “I give you massage. We make love. I take care of you.” Massage? Cool. Make love? Nice. Take care of me? What the hell did that mean? Was she going to rob me, mug me, kill me? I started to panic. She sat down with us and the Kiwi accused her of being a ladyboy, which she denied, but not vehemently enough for my liking. She didn’t speak any English, but repeated her phrase. My worries went into overdrive as I remembered the conversation with the Germans.

Clearly she’d been thinking about the Kiwi’s accusation, because the next thing I know, she said, “I no ladyboy, touch my pussy,” and then grabbed my hand and shoved it on her vagina. When is a ladyboy not a ladyboy? I don't know, but not having a penis is not proof of not being one. Either way, it didn't matter, ladyboy or real woman, I just didn’t trust her. That was it! I was out of there. As I rapidly made my way back to the hostel I heard her calling after me, “George, I give you massage. We make love. I take care of you.”
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Kiran on

Well resisted - Tou Dolla

Helen and Paul on

Sounds like a narrow escape to me, besides a man has to save his energy to watch the All Blacks hammer France. Woo hoo!

tony manero on

take the buddha and run!!

Twort on

I am reminded of the 51st State when someone gets 'taken care of'. Try not to have so much Chang that you throw caution to the wind.
I went to your flat today to 'air' it, check the mail and steal/borrow the LOTRings trilogy for Beef, plus Young Frankenstein. I forgot the mail but did pinch the DVDs. I shall return another time.

georgegoode on

Thanx for looking in on the flat. "Mis dvds son tus dvds"

Christine on

Watch out for those Ladyboys in Bangkok!

georgegoode on

@The Crocodile Hunter: why you scaring me, girl? the last paragraph in particular is going to give me nightmares
"in March 2008 he shot at a 4m saltwater crocodile that was STALKING a drunken swimmer off the coast"

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