Ten things I like about Bangkok

  Bangkok, Thailand
Wednesday, May 7, 2008

It's a sweet irony that the place I vowed never to set foot in after my first time visit in 2006, is now home to me for more than a week, in anticipation of my move into China on the 9th of May. Admittedly, in 2006, I made two major mistakes. One was seeking accommodation on Khao San Road, the backpacker haven, and everything I despise about backpackerdom. Imagine more "cheap" hotels, hostels, cafes, restaurants, street sellers (selling lovely wooden croaking frogs, cheap t-shirts and cigarette lighters), tattoo & massage parlours per square metre than you could think was ever possible. The second was visiting Wat Phrae Kaew, The Temple of the Emerald Buddha, on one of the busiest days (but let's face it, it's always busy), having to dodge tour groups of fat German and Russian tourists holding their digital cameras at arms length snapping pictures of their fellow tour group members standing in front of other tourists standing in front of other tourist standing in front of (you've got the picture - and so have they) of an enormous buddhist temple complex.

This time round, I'm staying in the Silom district, less tourist dense, but with Patpong, one of Bangkok's official four red light districts, it does attract the .. ahem.. odd tourist clientele in the evening hours.

As my final salute to a city I've begun to appreciate more and more every time I've come back, here's a list of my 10 favourite things of Bangkok.

7/11

7/11's and Family Mart

You can't chuck a brick in this city without hitting at least one of the ubiquitous 7/11-stores or Family Marts which are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (which does in fact get you thinking about the name 7/11). But anyway. Off on a long bus trip? Hop into a 7/11 for some much needed supplies. Haven't got time for breakfast? Family Mart has a decent supply of food which will keep your stomach filled for the day (sandwiches at the 7/11 are a bit iffy). Running out of shaving foam, shampoo, toothpaste? The 7/11 is just around the corner. Got any Thai DVD's which you'd really want to watch (okay, I'm getting a bit silly here), but the 7/11 has a stock for you. Apparently China has a decent amount of 7/11's as well, so I'm quite pleased with that.

Bangkok 2

California Wow Experience: Silom Branch

For some, just another dreary gym with a plethora of work-out apparatuseses, but for me, one hip cool and trendy fitness centre spread out over four floors, including its very own DJ, or MC whichever you prefer, spinning his tunes on the 19th floor, as well as a juice bar selling the best smoothies I've been able to find in the whole of Bangkok. Should you be spending a week or so in Bangkok, and, like me, you're in danger of turning into a laughing Budda, there's 1500 baht (20 quid) which could be less well spent, than obtaining a week's subscription to California Wow.

Guys that make you go "boom boom"

As I mentioned before, I'm staying in Silom, close to Patpong, so on any walk, a lone foreign man (in fact, you needn't be alone, this also happened when Nanda was walking right beside me) will attract the attention of several non-descript, non-busy looking men, who will wait until you're very close before pulling out a price list of various sex shows or folders of "massage parlours". Amusingly their first words are usually "hey friend, ping-pong?" or "hey friend, massage?" or sometimes even "hey friend, boom-boom?". I've gone through two phases now. The first was to react angrily, the second was to just ignore, but the third is now proving to be far more fun: coming up with the most amusing comeback I can think of. So now I have the following dialogues:

"Hey friend, boom-boom?"
"No, I'm not allowed to have sex on Wednesdays. It's against my religion."
Quizical look...

"Hey friend, boom-boom?"
"No, my wife says it's bad for me."

"Hey friend, boom-boom?"
"Oh sure? Why not? But how much will they pay me?"

"Hey friend, ping pong?"
"No I'm sorry. My doctor has told me that I'm not allowed to play ping pong for at least the next two months."

My other ping-pong-lines would make my grandmothers blush, so I better not mention them in this blog.

Bangkok 1

Taxi-METER

Surprisingly one in every five vehicles here in Bangkok is a taxi. Painted all different kinds of colours ranging from green-yellow, bright pink, red-blue, orange, etc. but all sporting the inevitable "TAXI METER" sign on the road, this is heaven-sent for me, as a self-proclaimed tuk-tuk-hater. Don't worry, tuk-tuk drivers still menace you for a ride, but when asked for a quote will usually start at twice the rate you will be paying to sit in the comfort of an air-conditioned taxi. These tuk-tuk guys just don't get it!?!

Add to that the fact that the taxi-drivers in most cases (I'd say about 80%), don't need any urgent convincing to switch on the METER. Sometimes you'll get a jester who claims that his meter is broke and quotes a flat fee of twice the going rate, but you either just flag down the next taxi coming down the street (and believe there will be one within 5 seconds), or just laugh and say that you always pay a discount when the meter's not working. As if by magic, the meter should work again.

King Bhumibol

The King, boy do they love him

King Bhumibol is probably the most beloved and respected monarchs I've come across in all my travels, and you won't find a street corner, a shop facade, roundabout, coffee shop or hairdresser not displaying a portrait of the king.

The King turns out to be quite a keen photographer. Through careful inspection of the pictures of him touting a camera, I've been able to ascertain that he's a Canon user (but we'll forgive him that). At the Dusit Royal Palace there's two exhibition halls of his photographs. Two of the pictures on display really tickled me: there's one self portrait, made with a fish-eye lens, of the King - literally - blowing his own trumpet (but he also plays the saxophone and clarinet). Of the other picture, taken of the devastating effects of a flood which hit Thailand back in 82/83?), it was the caption that I especially enjoyed. It ran something like this:

"The King is very concerned with the wellbeing of his people. This picture was taken after the flood of 1982/1983. The picture is of especially high quality and insight, and when the picture was shown to the engineers who had to drain and rebuild the area, the engineers knew immediately what had to be done, because of the quality and insight of the photo. That is because the picture was so brilliant and it was the King that took it. Which is great. Did we mention already that the King takes some great snaps?". I paraphrase slightly...

No honestly, it's good to see the monarch is so widely admired and praised, and he truly is tremendously concerned for the well-being of his fellow Thais. Should he pass away, that would trigger months of mourning, and the whole country will come to an abrupt standstill. There will be no flights out or into the country, and just writing this, I'm wiping the sweat off my forehead hoping that this won't happen any time soon (or is it the air-conditioning not doing it's job?).

Central Plaza's Top Floor

In Siam, the shopping district, there's a number of well-modern shopping complexes (and I mean REAL shopping complexes), where you can buy anything (and I mean anything) you're heart desires. Only when I was with Nanda, did I venture up to the 7th floor, the Food Plaza, to find that it housed Thailand's second largest food retailer, with... hold on... I've just drooled on my laptop... a huge counter of all kinds of delicious cheeses (Emmenthal, Old Amsterdam, Red Gloucester, Mature Cheddar, Roquefort, Stilton, Venezuelan Beaver cheese (okay, the last one's knicked from the Monty Python cheese sketch)). For someone who's not even been able to set eyes on a decent piece of cheese in the last 9 months, this was heaven.

The ubiquitous coffee shops

Though I use the term in the non-Dutch term: here a coffee shop is a shop which sells... well... coffee (weird that). Drugs are frowned upon in these corners of the world, so walking into a coffee shop and ordering a freshly rolled joint is likely to be somewhat unacceptable (I think you're sent to jail for possession in Thailand, and sent to death in Malaysia). But anyway, returning to coffee.

I've got a theory which needs to be proven wrong, but I've come to realise that Buddhists can't make a decent cup of coffee (are all Americans buddhists then? I hear you ask). Hindus win handsdown in making a nice cuppa. Just running down the road of retrospect:

Sri Lanka - muddy water camouflaged as coffee
India - 3 months of delicious coffee (copy) and even more wonderful chai (sweet milky tea)
Bhutan - warmed up river water which hasn't seen a coffee bean
Nepal - lovely cheap coffee, which you can't get enough of
Laos - learnt to make coffee from the Americans, and failed miserably
Cambodia - it looks like a coffee bean, so you only need to grind it and add some water. But then again, the bean could also be something the dog.... nooo, don't go there.

But here in Bangkok, a number of different coffee shops have set up.. shop: Zana's just across the road, Black Canyon, and many others, serving up a pleasant brew. Just stick to an espresso though. Obviously there's also the obligatory and very Starbucksiesque caramel macchiato's and other types of spruced-up brews on the menu as well, but gimme just a thimble of Italian espresso anytime!

Bangkok 4

La Residence, the residence for me

Of course you can get cheaper! Just head on down to Khao San Road where you can get a wonderful room with cardboard walls, a shared bathroom, a mattress which is thinner than the remaining soles of my sandals and the comfort level of cupboard. And as soon as you set foot outside you'll be offered everything you need: wooden frogs, cutprice real raybans, wooden frogs, raybans, frogs, aarrghh.

But then again, you can also choose to pay a bit more and live in style at La Residence in Silom. Rightly noted in the Lonely Planet with the "Our Pick"-sign, I've enjoyed every minute staying at this place, with capable, welcoming and ever so friendly staff. Comfortable, clean rooms. And have I mentioned the WIFI yet? A small warning though: you won't be offered any wooden frogs here. Or cheap ray-bans..

Lumphini Park

Just down the road is a spot of green amidst the jungle of concrete and rising skyscrapers. No way near as large as Central Park in New York, but still a wonderful place to retreat from the concrete jungle and do your 2.5 km laps together with like-minded Thai and the odd foreigner. Should you arrive before 7:00 AM in the morning, you'll see the obligatory Tai Chi practitioners moving in depressing slow-motion pretending to turn a ball upside down, standing on one foot, and concentrating on their breathing... (yep, I'm not a fan, I'm sorry).
At 18:00 PM in the evening on the dot, all through the park, the Thai national anthem is played, and everybody in the park solemnly and respectfully stands still.

Lumphini Park is also home to a number of largish monitor lizards which you can see waddling around the lakes, or swimming by in true Loch-Ness-monster style.

Me & Leo

No top-10 without a beer

Running rapidly out of things to mention and inspiration for this entry, as it's probably one of the longest I've written until now, but I've always go one last trick up my sleeve. After all this typing, I've worked up quite a thirst, so time to quench it with a Leo.

Cheers!