Mixed feelings....Happy & Sad

Trip Start Oct 15, 2007
Trip End Jul 22, 2008

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Saturday, December 29, 2007

Dear you,

First and most importantly I would like to wish you the best year ever as I feel it will be mine also. Filled with happiness, hugs and laughs! That 2008 will be amazing, full of surprises, contentment and care for others. With love and light.

What have I been up to in the last month....sorry not been to much on the internet lately, waaaaaaayyyyy behind on emailing, but will make it up to you all soon.
But as they say 'better late then never'! Many things have happened, no surprise to most of you I guess ;-)

It has been a period of mixed emotions for me, big time!
Feeling happy and sad at the same time if can be.

Working time in the chocolate shop is over, not only this year, but forever.
I was looking forward to working with my dad again, having quality time together, especially after being abroad for almost a year again. However this year has been the most stressed year ever with too much work to handle. This hardly left any room for quality time, tension and feelings of tiredness instead. My feelings of joy were overshadowed by this. Also the decision is final that my brother will take over the shop in a few years time, beginning on a 40% basis from the start of 2008. This means that I will no longer need to help out the way I have been doing for the last 10 years or so.
It makes me feel sad that this 'helping my parents out in the shop' time is over, but at the same time happy that it is. From now on I no longer feel the pressure of responsibility to be there for my dad, as he could not have done it alone. Feel completely free to see what I want to do next year, without having to reserve the oktober-december period as |I have been doing for so long. Knowing that whereever I am (Holland or abroad) I don't need to be in the shop. No longer a social stop of a few months, maybe even celebrate Sinterklaas for the first time! As I will have time to buy presents, make a 'surprise' or poem.
It's a big change for me, but it feels s right.

Another big thing has happened in my life and it struck me like lightning!
I feel I met the love of my life. Unexpected in every way.
In my old hometown Drunen, at my old hangout Utopia of all places.
Who needs to travel the world ;-))))
We know eachother for a few weeks only, but sometimes you just knw. Impossible to explain by words, feelings do the talking here.
But as the title says also here mixed feelings of happy & sad. The mind and the heart do not talk the same language at the moment. As my mind has some doubts about if we want to travel the same path in life. He has hit a crossroad in his life and depending on his decision which road he wants to take, we will travel the same direction...I can only wait and take the time to figure out what the important things are I want to do/keep doing and which things I would gladly 'give up' for him. After a tough 5 year relationship he needs to find himself again, soulsearching. This cannot be done with me, I know. With crying hearts, we decided to break it off for now. So when we meet again, it will be a 200% choice for eachother and possibly a lifetime together...2008 will be my year and hopefully it will be with him at some point!

Happy and sad in one more way as I moved to Amsterdam this week!
Sad to leave my brother's house for the last time, already missing the laughs and talks with A and my brother. Happy to be back in Amsterdam again, as it really feels like my city. I love city live and the fact that anything can happen if you make it happen. For now anyway.
Finally able to unpack my things again and have my own space. Hoping I am allowed to stay at this place for some time, anti-squad again ;-)

Oh yeh, one last thing: I have a new job: Reed Elsevier will be my new employer for the coming 6 months...more about this in 2008!

Big Hug,

p.s. sorry no photos this time....
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