Poland Needs Paint! Now!

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  Krakow, Poland
Thursday, September 14, 2006

We arrived in the early morning (6 am) in Crackho from the overnight
train. Contrary to our tourist book there were not throngs of grandmas
out to greet us and offer us cheap and cozy accommodations. However we
did hook up with some bubbly young people who were more than happy to
cart us off to their hostel. We got our own room but had to share the
dorm style bathrooms with some dirty backpackers who we barely saw but
heard every so often.1

The main thing to do in Crackho is to go to this major boulevard (it
begins at the castle), walk down it and then end at this giant square

01 Krak tour

.
The center of the square is occupied by a large building that looks
like a train station but is actually filled with tourists shops that
sell everything from t-shirts to nesting dolls of famous communists.2
The boulevard and the square are lined with souvenir shops,
restaurants, clothing shops and cathedrals.3

In one corner of the square is a large cathedral that I don't even
recall the interior but had a large tower. At the top of this tower on
the hour, every hour a trumpet player would play a short sound that
would end abruptly about three quarters of the way through. This was
due to legend that they were lookout men and before the warning could
be played in its entirety the guy was shot in the throat with an
arrow

Christy and Collette

. They also served as firewatchers for the city. The square was
impressive but only so-so impressive after Prague. Of course the
square teeming with tourists and Collette got to pigeon stomp and
watch the horses that would haul tourists and newlyweds around in
drawn carriages. There seemed to be a large amount of weddings
happening all of the time in the surrounding cathedrals. We constantly
saw brides taking pictures in front of some monument or church steps.
Inexplicably, we saw a group of men dressed between Dr. Seuss
characters and pimps take a picture with a bride. We assumed it was
some type of bachelor party.

At first we didn't have a very good first impression of Crackho. I was
very cranky due to an ear infection4 and so many tourists. Then on
Monday a drastic change took place

Wenlas Castle

. The streets were teeming with
parents were escorting there kids and young men in suits and young
woman dressed like high price hookers. Yes we were lucky to have
stumbled onto the first day of school. However it was a little strange
because all the day the streets were full of youth and we wondered
when they went to class. But it was a nice change and for some
unexplainable reason we all felt better about the city as if we were
actually part of a living breathing place and not fighting for space
with pushy Italian woman5 in a souvenir shop.

Another interesting thing we observed in Crackho was the ratio of good
lucking girls to what Christy commented on as average looking guys.
This meant if you were a gangly guy with somewhat bad complexion you
could have a girl who dresses like Brittany Spears and looks like
Paris Hilton but speaks a different language. This is an approximate
conversation that followed as we browsed down the boulevard:

Blaine
This is a good ratio country.

Christy
What do you mean?

Blaine
It seems that there is more better looking woman than guys.

Christy
Yes its true. If you are some average dog 6 you can get a pretty
good-looking girl.

Blaine
Well every dog has his day.

The last major tour we did in Poland that gets four tourist stars was
the salt mines. These are ancient mines that burrow and twist
underground sprinkled with an eclectic mix of internal tourist stops.
These included such stops as:
1) Salt statues of the myth behind the moving of the salt mine from
Austria to Poland. (too long to explain)
2) A spectacular underground cathedral mined by religious miners in
their free time. (I didn't know miners had free time.)
3) Underground lakes with a small ferry service. (somebody died so
they stopped it; couldn't hear very well because my right ear was
stuffed with smelly wax)
4) Replicas of horses that did much of the work in the mines. They
would take them up every two months so they wouldn't go blind.
5) Statues of famous Poles. (sorry no clue. Oh yeah, the POPE!)
6) A sample apparatus of ancient water pumps. (wow)

We were very impressed with the whole thing except for the tour guide.
Nothing personal except that the tour was completely devoid of
content. Who did they trade the salt to? No clue. How did they purify
the salt? No clue. The tour guide was full of funny quips but no
knowledge.7 Even on vacation I like to learn a little bit but not too
much.

Footnotes.
1. My dirty comment was probably completely uncalled for and they
seemed actually fairly nice.
2. Is that really a large range of stuff? In Budapest they also had
Osama Bin Laden and Star Wars nesting dolls.
3. Of course.
4. It still bothers me but I am working on it. Lots of smelly ear wax
and diminished hearing in the right ear. Got medication but have no
idea what it is. If you know something about ears an e-mail is
appreciated. Now have new stuff from Croatia. I will make sure I keep
everybody updated.
5. Just mentioning this ethnic class of travelers makes Christy agitated.
6. I thought this was a little harsh and I usually identify strongly
with this group.
7. I am sure my students feel the same.

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