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Holy Shit
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For those of you who have never experienced the joy of a 3 month old,
they are kind of like turtles or drunk people. Jake, 3 months November
25th, can not hold up his head. In fact, can not really control any
part of his very small body, save his tongue perhaps. Even then,
sometimes I wonder if he actually knows he is sticking it out all the
time. Nonetheless, there he is bobbling about with his tongue sticking
out.
Yesterday, While his mother breast fed him he decided to
take a nice crap. Being the nanny and all I received the great
privilege of dealing with this. So no problem... Jake finishes eating
and Liz hands him over to me. This is when we both realize that pooh
has squished up out of his diaper and onto his back. He has on a onesy
(for those unbaby savvy, a onesy is a little one piece shirt that
buttons at the crotch, like a leotard) this keeps the pooh contained
for the time being.
There are no diapers downstairs so I have
to take him up stairs to Liz's bedroom, where Lily (Jake's 20 month old sister) is sleeping in the
room just adjacent. The door dividing the two rooms is slightly
cracked. Once up there I lay a burp blanket on Liz's bed and commence
changing Jake. I open in His diaper and stare in horror at what lies in
store for me. "Jesus Christ" were the only words that came to mind. I
mean how can such a tiny thing that only consumes milk create such a
massive amount of shit!
I use about 20 wipes and get his front
side fairly clean... I won't even get started with the amount of
crevasses babies have. I swear he thinks this is funny because he just
smiles and coos at me the whole time. He waves his legs and arms about
trying to make an even bigger mess.
Then I proceed to remove
the poop covered onesy. The challenge in this is getting the thing off
using one hand to prop his wobbly body up, while the other pulls it
off. Of course it has to come off over his head so I have to manage to
not strangle him and not smear him with poop and of course he can't
help me. Well, this is freaking ridiculous! I mean of course I covered
him in poop. I mean when I was done he was just one big poop. It could
have been a Halloween costume.
He starts crying, probably,
because I can't lay him down and I am not sure how to maneuver this so that I get the least amount off poop on the bed as possible. So I have to hold him close to me so that he will calm down; because Lily is sleeping and I
really don't want her to wake up. I mean if I can get him to sleep
after this, hell yeah, I am taking a nap, or watching a movie, or
anything that has nothing to do with kids. So now I am covered in poop
too. I guess I understand why nannies in movies always wear aprons... I
always thought it was just a vintage classic thing... but I guess you
actually need to or be willing to sacrifice your clothes.
By
the end he gets fairly clean and into fresh clothes. Lily doesn't wake
up. Jake and I retire to the downstairs guest bedroom and with him
asleep on my chest I close my eyes and reap my joyful reward.
Latest Comments (2)
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Do you still do this? (reply)
May 22, 2008 17:56 EST by ariespy
Hey Amy!
I finally figured out how to leave a comment! And, tag, you're it! I tagged you on my blog. Go there to find out more.
http://www.hoipolloies.blogspot.com
Love!
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Cleaning Up (reply)
Dec 7, 2007 16:36 EST by pigeonpat
Amy,
It sounds like you are cleaning up over there. Hows the foot? Sounds like you are hopping busy.
I'll bet that is one of the most beautiful places in the world.
Your great-grandmother had her gall blatter taken out today. She will be recovering for the next couple of days. Everything went well. She turned 92 on the 5th of Dec., and went to the hospital for the first time s... show all
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