Everyday Felix and I worked on the sidecar boat and after stripping the paint completely we painted on rust converter to stop the rust we couldn’t remove and then put on an undercoat
. When the undercoat was dry we wet sanded the whole thing - which is the shittest job of the whole process.After wet sanding, we left it to dry over night and when we returned in the morning began spraying on the black. Everything looked like it was going to be great until we came back a few hours later. We hadn’t let the undercoat dry out enough so as it continued to dry it was stretching the black coat - causing it to form many wide cracks. The sidecar looked like the mud at the bottom of a dried out pond. Quite maddening - it was quite a pretty effect, but not at all what we were trying to achieve. How did we fix it it? We just carried on painting again the next day, hoping another few cans of paint would fill in the cracks. Which they did for a while...until the undercoat stretched again cracked the black even more.
So, now Felix and Ernstl are consoling themselves by saying the new paint job isn’t for appearances but to protect from further rusting. I just feel pretty pissed off, all those hours of work and it hasn’t turned out very nicely. It may sound like we have been reasonably busy but in it has been a terribly boring week. I feel so painfully disabled here, I am so afraid of someone trying to talk to me, I don’t want to go out of the house alone, walking or to the shops or catch a bus anywhere or even see people I am acquainted with who I know speak English
. Don’t anyone dare say ‘it would have been easier if you had tried to learn German` or something along those lines because no, it wouldn’t have been - I have become such a shy, timid, social retard with such low self esteem and unreasonable hate for almost everything I don’t want to say anything - even in english - what on earth would I say? I’m stepping back further and further into shadows, I need to be back with people I trust and on my own ground in safe, familiar surroundings so I can try come back out into the light.
Thankfully we are going to Budapest on Saturday. A friend of Felix is letting us stay in her apartment in the city, there will be a week when the place is free between a change of tenants so she has offered we can stay for a few days in that time. Hopefully in a new city with plenty of new things to do a see I can distract myself from my thoughts - at least for most of the day.And so thats about it for this week, looking forward to Budapest...
So, another week in Sankt Marein has passed. And nothing has been very different from the last. I have continued my running and have had some days of great improvement and a fews shattering days where for some reason I haven’t been able to meet my standards. We went to another Beetle rally (this on was much bigger then the last) and entered a raffle to win a Beetle. Ernstl and Gitta thought we were some kind of lucky charm and would win again, but no, it seemed it was just a one off stroke of luck and good use of the internet. And the most exciting news is we have changed our flight to December. I wanted to change to November and Felix wanted to stay for the full twelve months so home for christmas seemed like a fairish compromise. I am very happy to be going home sooner, even if it is only six weeks, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now - finally.