In Silence - Merging with nature
Trip Start Jul 08, 2007
143Trip End Ongoing
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This second week was a perfect follow up of my Ayahuasca week, my heart was already fully opened and I was in the perfect frame of mind to start such a silent retreat. The effects of the plant were much more subtle than the Ayahuasca ones. The first obvious one was much more vivid dreams. I immediately could remember all of my dreams in very impressive details. But it took me about 2 days to really understand its effect while awakened. At that point it became clear that once in the environment of the jungle, with extensive contemplation, reality changed into a kind of a no man's land, meaning that I was not quite sure what was real and what was not. Here is how I came about this suspended reality: After focusing for a while on a specific tree sticking out of the jungle background, it eventually appeared to be fake and out of sync with the rest of the jungle, a little like bad special effects in a movie. That being revealed, the rest of the jungle background (behind the tree) eventually merged into one repetitive pattern of a unified cycle of energy, meaning that the distinct shapes of all the trees were merged into one whole. It made me think of these 2D-3D images on which you need to focus while crossing your eyes. After a while, the 3D shape hidden in it eventually reveals itself. It appeared to me that the reality of the jungle I was observing was this exact opposite.
Why the opposite? Because what we call reality in our day to day is in 3D, compared with this image that before contemplation appears only in 2D. As in my example above, after focusing long enough on that tree, what I was observing was revealing the 2D shape of the jungle background, hence the opposite with the 2D-3D images.
So I noticed that we live in an already unfolded reality and contemplation brings us out of the picture, to a 2D level, from where we can then refocus to unfold the reality in a different way. In other words, the jungle matrix was an unfolded potential reality. We know (see my Ayahuasca article) that we understand reality based on the programming that we have collected (society, experiences) and that we know intrinsically (subconscious and past lives or what some call innate knowledge). It is possible that the jungle matrix has various sets of attractor fields (a layer of energy combining a group of similar vibration ideas and concepts) and depending on our awareness, it gives us access to the details of a certain reality. Hence each subset of energy (in this example the jungle matrix), influence our programming to allow us to distinguish reality... And so by increasing our consciousness (through our heart) we can truly grasp reality or said differently, we need to feel nature to see within it. I am trying to be as clear as possible, but this is not that easy to explain.
It is with this realisation that my Berbinzana contemplation started to make sense to me. After a while, all I could sense was my connection with nature. Then things started to happen. On the 4th day, along came a 5-6 feet coral snake. It came towards me and stood up at about 2 feet from my hammock. It was so beautiful and majestic. After I just moved slightly to better see him, it got scared and very elegantly ran off. Maybe better this way, as one bite can kill you pretty quickly. Howard the owner and one of the shamans told me he had not seen it in years. Less than an hour later, flew in a condor near my hammock. He later came back and landed near my location. I could not believe it. If you read Drunvalo Melchizedek, he always talks about condor's interaction as very significant and meaningful. I was suddenly put back in my Aw state (See Ayahuasca article) and for another hour, I remembered my altered state of consciousness of my Ayahuasca journey. Later that day, I saw monkeys jumping from trees to trees, lizards, rats, jungle squirrels and much more. Now that I was resonating at the same frequency as the rest of the jungle, it felts that all its life was coming towards me. I really, more than ever, felt my connection with nature that day.
I would say though that the biggest eye opener part of my Berbinzana experience was the semi-dream, semi-awakened state I kept on experiencing. I decided at some point, the 4th day actually, that I was connected enough with nature to sleep in the jungle. Alan a new friend who was doing the retreat with me, decided to do so equally. And so we were alone in the jungle. It was pitch black around us and all the crazy animals, insects, noises and pure mystery would surround us for a good 9 hours (from 9pm to 6am). The 2 nights I slept in the jungle, I kept on falling asleep, not realizing it and then waking up in my dream in the same hammock wearing the same clothes and having the same thoughts. Then what I first considered scary things started happening. Seeing scary faces, hearing my name being called from the jungle, receiving a scary deform baby on my lap while in the hammock, etc. Basically, I encountered most of the things I have been afraid of ever since I was 7 years old watching The Exorcist for the first time. The first time it occurred I was paralyzed by fear. I was trying to move, shout and tell the spirits to go away. I could not do any of those things and the more I tried, the more afraid I got.
The following night, I was compelled to return and this time Alan did not come. I was all along in the dark jungle. I now understood what was going on and had to face these fears to finally get rid of them. The scary things that happened to me that night were much heavier than the first night, but I decided to stay calm and accept whatever would happen. My brain would produce thousand and one paranoid explanations for any sound I could hear. But when connected in my heart, I could shut down my brain and simply feel other life force around me and truly feel that I was safe. It made all the difference in the world, I felt truly connected with all life around me. The next morning, I was completely worn out, but so happy I had finally face fears that have been haunting me since the early years of my life. I had a true working experience where the heart was simply braver than the mind.
This brought me closer to understand the knowledge that all life is energy and we are all interconnected, in one way or another. During this week, I opened my heart to keep on exploring more and more all the possibilities an open heart could bring me. And once again, as following my Ayahuasca retreat, I understood that the only way to increase our consciousness was through our heart.