Notes from Drew and Ashley
Trip Start
Jun 28, 2008
1
26
36
Trip End
Aug 01, 2008
Milan,
Italy
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Berlin
- We arrive and Ashley immediately notes that Andrew smells awful
- Andrew apparently forgets how to estimate time, and we are horribly late meeting Dorothy
- Apparently, from evidence at the Checkpoint Charlie Museum, the Germans are adamantly against hiring people to proofread translations into different languages, leading to one of the most painful afternoons of reading of my entire life
- Drew actually speaks Spanish, is named Diego, and lives in Cancun based on Ashley's insistence that he is shakier than a Mexican space shuttle
- Andrew and Drew make the worst choice in the history of beer at the local grocery store
- Ashley buys magic spray, which is either children's candy or oral sex in a canister
- Apparently eating out in Berlin at a restaurant with only 8 customers but 40 tables is designed to take 3 hours
- Andrew almost started a fight with a double decker bus driver
- Guy from Hostel says. "It's like having a minty pole in my mouth"
- Andrew loses his patience while "leading the way" back to Hairy Mary's Bar
- Drew takes bottoms all the time
Prague
- We arrive at the train station, Boyink thinks he is being hit on by girl that asks if he speaks Czech, until Ashley points out that her pimp was disappointed that she didn't get Andrew's business
- The omnipresent Go-Go Club Sexy
- The guard definitely stared at Ashley's ass
- Andrew most certainly is bi-suited
- Ashley chases pigeon, pigeon wins the battle
- The valiant and courageous Drew and Andrew kill a bee at lunch
- Drew and Andrew can't make their boat go faster than two 8-year old girls
- Drew and Andrew get invited onto the high school kids' "party boat"
- People in Prague around 1200 were REALLY short
- Andrew gets left at the altar by two Quebecois, in the most painful way possible
- There are only 5 hot Czech girls seen in the entire first two days in Prague
- The nicest bathrooms in Prague were actually in a project
- Drew orates his manifesto on lesbianism
- Ashley is a pole, and Drew saves the day by buying shots and screaming
- Ashley gets a money shot (from a sandwich) in an outdoor mall
- Ashley may be pretty, but she's still a flounder to the artist
- Andrew starts a fight with a slow "tour group"
- Andrew goes on a long forced march to hang out with some girl who won't have sex with him and evidently doesn't believe in bringing keys with her
- Apparently the walleye syndrome is a big problem in the Czech Republic
Vienna
- Boyink's extracurricular activities mandate that all hotels leave out pamphlets discouraging child sex tourism, and detailing reasons why it is NOT ok
Added email from Drew received on 7/21/08:
"I just found the picture of the German guy who sat WAY to close to Boyink on the double decker bus with other seats available. I forgot that Andrew is an absolute magnet for creepy old guys who want to tap their foot twice in a bathroom stall. This warrants mentioning."
