Nesting
Trip Start
Aug 08, 2008
1
11
17
Trip End
Ongoing
Mexico City,
Mexico
Thursday, September 25, 2008
For better or for worse, I haven't been doing very touristy things this past week. Factors:
-The few things I have left on my "must see/do" list are huge and overwhelming. I'd like to go to the legendary anthropology museum, for example (It´s massive and can take days to fully explore. I've heard stories about people getting lost inside), and go to Teotihuacan to climb a great, big Aztec pyramid, but I just haven't been up for those adventures.
-There aren't many people left in the hostel dorm anymore, so it´s been hard to find sightseeing partners, which, though not necessary, seem to make life as a gringa more enjoyable and make great motivators.
-A homesickness just barely bubbling up into my consciousness. It´s affecting me in weird ways- I´m constantly craving American food, for example. (Confession- I went both to Starbucks and McDonald's.) I know Mexico is getting to me though, because last night I ate Domino´s Pizza with some friends and I put salsa picante all over it. What the heck?!
-Training. This week is the most intense week of my half-marathon training- 18 miles. After this, it´s all taper- resting up for the big day. With the combination of my super slow running and the 45 minute commute to the park/pool, training eats up a lot of time. (I love it though, and like to think it balances out the pizza and McDonald's.)
-New friends. Been hanging out with this couple I met- a Mexican woman and a Dutch man. They've, in turn, introduced me to some of their friends, and have been incredibly kind to me. (They are the ones I ate pizza with.) Pizza with friends may sound mundane compared to climbing pyramids, but it´s a huge blessing, and I´ve enjoyed spending my time this way.
(As an aside- kindness, especially in it´s simplicity, is incredibly beautiful and everywhere in my life right now. Yesterday, I was damn near weeping because someone offered me a seat in the metro. While I was running on Sunday, a man slowed to stay with me, just to say, over and over, "congratulations!" I am grateful and am working on accepting.)
-Mental, spiritual, emotional crap. I´ve started to think, for example, about going home. I´m skeptical that there´s any kind of preparation I can do that will be helpful, but I´m trying. I think it´s a lot like being told by someone "Okay, in about a month and a half, we're going to chop off your right arm. Get ready." What can I do, besides be afraid? I´m constantly trying to remind myself that, deep down, as painful as it might be, I know that I´m not going to lose anything; I know that I have power I carry inside of me and that it can never go away no matter where I go, who I´m with, what I´m doing, even if I deny it.
...and now that I´ve raised that taboo-to-me subject of going home, an announcement: I´ve accepted a job at a ski resort starting the middle of November. I´m going to be living, of all places, in Driggs, Idaho, for about 5 months. A little anxiety about never having set foot in this part of the country, being away from my family and friends, coordinating this all from Mexico, whether or not I´m doing the right thing, etc., but all and all, it´s okay... if I just close my eyes and think powder.
So, yeah... sort of dealing with a lot right now. An annoying hinderance has been my preconceptions about what travel "should" be. My head tells me it´s evil to drink a Starbucks in Mexico City. Why? It made me feel good. My head tells me I need to go see/do certain things. Why do ANYTHING out of a sense of obligation? That´s crap. I refuse to live, let alone travel, that way.
A closely related struggle is deciding when to leave D.F. I know I´ve said it a million times, but I love it here. ...But now that I´ve reaffirmed that, I also have to say that I think I may need to leave soon.
This whole trip has been the metaphorical manifestation of what I experienced, physically, in the ocean a few weeks ago- being pushed and pulled, sucked in and spit out. Places have instantly repelled or grabbed me- sometimes both at the same time (as is happening right now with D.F.). I don´t know what it is (never been aware of anything like this before)... maybe intuition, maybe prejudice... but it´s strong and usually confusing. I just pray for honesty and strength to listen.
It´s going to hurt me to leave D.F., dammit. A precursor to the big arm chopping... maybe the equivalent of a finger or 3... and I have no idea where to go from here.
This is a private blog 
