Traveling vs. exile
Trip Start
Aug 08, 2008
1
7
17
Trip End
Ongoing
Oaxaca,
Mexico
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Itīs just that where Iīm staying is so comfy. I mean really, really freaking comfy- right down to the flannel sheets and bathroom acoustics for my pre-bedtime shower karaoke. How much Iīd like to make little cave out of my posada room, fill it with books, NPR podcasts, and tortas hawainas (officially my favorite food in Oaxaca), and just.... well, I donīt know.
Welcome to exile mode: where everything you want is opposite and detrimental to everything you need.
I tend to forget that I need (yes, need) human interaction... probably because Iīve come to take it for granted. In the US (having a job, speaking the language, living near family and friends, and all that good, "normal" stuff), interaction was something I was virtually guaranteed; I was "with" other people whether I wanted to be or not. Itīs a bit tricker here though, and I have to be careful and take care of myself (something Iīve promised myself Iīd do). If I followed my cave plan, things would get pretty nasty, pretty quick. I know this because I recently spent 3-4 days saying nothing more than "please," "thank you," "yes," "no," and "how much?" to my fellow mankind, and I started to go a little nutso.
My posada is run by two wonderful, mothering Mexican woman and right now Iīm their only guest, so itīs sort of like a homestay (a really comfy homestay). When breakfast interrogations ensued about why I wasnīt eating, why I was all alone, why I seemed so sad all the time, etc., I took the cue that I needed to get back out into the world. Feeling much, much better now, and think Iīve even placated my hostesses' fears.
Started Spanish classes on Wednesday, after being told by a very wise linguist, that the more and harder I struggle, the more Swahili will come out of my big, fat, I-canīt-get-over-Africa mouth. Big, scary step in terms of letting go (Iīm already feeling panicky about loosing Swahili), but itīs very cool to be learning something for the sheer joy of learning. (Iīm not sure Iīve ever had this selfish of an educational experience before.) It doesnīt hurt that the learning involves field trips to Oaxacaīs street of chocolate shops to see how cacao is processed into chocolate, complete with samples.
(In all seriousness, Mexico really is helping me find some closure in regards to Tanzania. So many areas of my life feel like they have finally been un-paused, after nearly 2 years of stuckness. Itīs wonderful and healthy just to be able to say really simple stuff like "this is different/similar to Tanzania" or "I like this better/worse than Tanzania" or "Iīve missed this/havenīt missed this at all," or (most of all) "Good god, Tanzania really screwed me up." Not sure why I couldnīt have done that in the US, but itīs easier here and now.)
...And then, last Sunday night, after an awesome 6-miler (through really old aqueducts, up Cerro Fortin, along the highway overlooking the whole city, through Parque Llano), at 8:00 PM or so, at Vips (the Mexican equivalent of Dennyīs), I told my very first joke in Spanish and made someone laugh! It was deliberate, and he (the waiter) wasnīt laughing AT me! SUCH an amazing thing... actually the best, most reassuring thing I could ever think of. Any doubts I have about learning Spanish or being in Mexico were erased in that moment, and I saw my cave woman fantasy for the crap it really is.
So yeah, I have to move out of the posada. Even though they cost only $1 less a night, itīs back to hostel dormitories, full of stinky backpackers, for me. ...but only for a few more days. Iīm going to finish up Spanish classes to make it an even week, and then (hopefully) Iīm off to a farm in the middle of nowhere (actually, here) to WWOOF. Have to finish this blog entry so I can e-mail them. Time to get uncomfy.
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