All shook up

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  Chihuahua, Northern Mexico, Mexico
Thursday, August 14, 2008

Who am I?  Where am I?  The Etch-a-sketch of my existence has been shook, and shook, and shook again. Amazingly though, I've landed on my feet, exactly where I want to be- alone in Mexico.  What a trip!
 
I'm writing from Chihuahua and have tons to say, but mostly just want to post something to say I'm alive. I'll try to share more but I'm pretty overwhelmed and disoriented right now and the weird keyboard isn't helping matters.
 
Guess I should start with Phoenix, huh?  It was quite the weekend.  This incredibly strange set of conditions was created in my life- a vortex from leaving all things Tucson (family, friends, job) but also the opportunity for sanctuary in relatively familiar, friendly people and places.  I felt free but still protected and as a consequence had some pretty amazing experiences and interactions.  Closure, healing, and the opening up all of sorts of newness. Challenges answered by reassurances, and walking away knowing that Mexico has nothing to do with running away.  I know all this is vague, but maybe I'll find a better way to explain later.
 
Monday night I got on the bus to Los Mochis.  Even in Phoenix, everyone on the bus was already speaking Spanish.  The Greyhound swung into Tucson and I contemplated my one last chance to jump, but my feet never touched the ground.  An hour or so later, we crossed an invisible line somewhere in the desert and I was in Mexico.  (A bit of a crazy thing- no one so much as looked at my passport.  I didn't fill out a single piece of paperwork.  I'm worried about it and will check into it in Mexico City, but mostly I just feel sick from the privilege and disparity.)
 
I had huge, massive waves of what I'm calling "reverse, reverse culture shock".  Since arriving in Mexico I've had these amazing moments re-experiencing things from Tanzania I've missed SO badly, but wasn't even conscience of missing (Coke road signs and speakers tied to the tops of cars are on the top of my list today).  Not sure exactly how to explain it besides saying that everything in Mexico is being filtered through a Tanzania lens, giving me this profound "I've been here before"/déjà vu experience.  It's wonderful because it makes it easy to absorb it all, but the bad thing is that it makes it absolutely impossible for me to initiate any kind of interaction- I'm so stuck in Swahili it's ridiculous.  I'd like to get over Tanzania quickly (to the extent that that's possible) so I can let Mexico be it's own unique experience.
 
I am however, making peace with buses- a huge, huge thing for me after severe tramas in Africa.  Mexican buses are very nice (way nicer than Greyhound) and only hold as many people as seats (the novelty!) I've even been able to sleep.
 
Another thing that's pleasantly different from my experience in Tanzania is my attitude.   Because I'm a complete moron in terms of language and culture here, I'm actually having to trust people.   It may not sound like much, but I had this amazing interaction buying water from this guy in El Fuerte.   Realizing I had no idea what water should cost, I just handed him 20 pesos, and he just handed me change and water back.   I surprised myself with being fine with that.  So much simpler than Tanzania when I argued everything to death and swore the whole world was out to screw me over. Could it be that trust and willingness are more important than vocabulary and self-preservation?   What a mind-blowing thought!
 
Los Mochis and El Fuerte were my first two stops after the 18 or so hours bus ride from Phoenix.  I never thought I'd live to see places more hot, humid, and mosquito infested than Mtwara, but I have.  It didn't help that I was tired and lost for quite awhile.  I'm sorry to report that most of my time in El Fuerte was spent sleeping (went to bed at 2 pm), and that I was more than ready to leave on the train the next morning, but that's just how it was.
 
The train was awesome, but y'all know I love trains.  Because they have nifty amenities like restaurants and beds, they spin me into this fantasy of being able to live in perpetual motion, guided by solid track... in my head, it is a beautiful thing.  Even with all my enthuiasm though, this was a long ride- 17 hours.  In retrospect, I wish I would have broken it up and stopped in Creel.  I did see some beautiful scenery though (a lake outside of El Fuerte was more beautiful to me than the actual Copper Canyon) and got to go over bridges and through lots of tunnels.  My next train date is with this bad boy in DF- http://www.rcdb.com/ig354.htm?picture=4
 
About an hour outside of Creel, the train stopped and the porter gave a speech that I didn't entirely understand.  The end result was that everyone on the train was shuttled into buses and driven towards Chihuahua.  I was exhausted at that point, and admit that I had absolutely no idea about what was going on.  It was the middle of the night and I was half asleep.  When people got up and stumbled off the bus, I assumed we were in Chihuahua and followed them.  Mistake.  We weren't anywhere near Chihuahua.
 
It all ended up working out just fine though.  Cost me a little extra money, but that's okay.  I actually really ended up liking the town I got dropped in and survived just fine, despite the time of night and my Swahili-Spanish.   I will say though, that's it's a very interesting experience to go to bed with no idea where the hell you are.  (For the record, Google says it was Cuauhtemoc.)
 
Now though, I am in Chihuahua.  The bus ride was gorgeus, complete with a serenade from two guys playing guitar and acordian and singing, which made me want to scream "THIS is why I'm here."  I contemplated writing a note in Spanish mimicking the deaf people who get on the buses to beg for money... it would have said "I'm a gringa.  Please slap me upside the head when we get to Chihuahua.  God bless you." but even with my shaken confidence, I was just fine. I'm a very happy girl.   Staying at a great hostel with water, internet and laundry, that's right across from a train station and has a YMCA with a running track and pool nearby.  This is big time vaquero town and there are tons of leather shops... I have my eye on a pair of green striped tiger boots. :)
 
Well, already have written way more than I intended, and I want to get out and enjoy the city.   More soon.  Off to Mexico City sometime soon (might extend my stay in Chihuahua), and in Oaxaca sometime early next week.

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