Having It Masai in the Serengeti - Tanzania

Trip Start Feb 19, 2008
Trip End Apr 04, 2008

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Flag of Tanzania  ,
Tuesday, April 1, 2008

We left Dar es Saleem for a long drive to the middle of nowhere. As soon as we arrived it started to rain so practically everyone upgraded. I hit the bar and got drunk. I didn't get as drunk as my Manchester room mate who came into the room, collapsed on my bag and sprayed shower gel everywhere. He later denied this, but I know.

The next day we drove past Mount Kilimanjaro, made famous by the Pete Docherty song. It was behind a large group of clouds, but you could just make out the tip. The roads in Tanzania are not that safe. Mainly because the other drivers seemed to drive at ramming speed.

Later we arrived at Arusha Snake Park campsite. This place was the worst campsite we'd stayed at. The lights didn't work, the gents had a puddle of puke in it and my drinks bill didn't add up. At this campsite, as the name may suggest, there was a snake park. Or to put it another way, snakes behind glass cages. This park or small area also had a few bored birds (as well as tourists). This included a vulture who looked like he was contemplating suicide and a Steve McQueen style Goshark who tried to escape at any opportunity.

That evening we had our fancy dress party. My outfit was in the style of a sheik. I looked ridiculous. Pic attached. The lady I got an outfit for looked like an extra from a 70's episode of Crossroads. Needless to say, I got drunk or smashed to be more precise and I woke up in my outfit.

The next day we went to the Tanzania Cultural Centre. This was an expensive nick-nack store full of rich Americans and Canadians. This is where they sold Tanzinite, an expensive gem a thousand times rarer than diamonds. I thought I'd pick one up for 20. I was wrong. The price started at 200 - sorry Mum! The fellow Gooner and his Australian Mrs bought a ring. I got back to camp before them and told everyone he'd proposed when he bought the ring. Everyone went bananas. Oh dear. Some gags just aren't worth the hassle.

That afternoon we had our Masai Village walk. First we had a look round the Masai museum. The guide had so many questions on things he'd just told us, it was unbelievable. We were then left at a market to spend more money - which I did. It was alot cheaper than the Cultural rip off Centre. We then headed off to the Masai Village were I met alot of kids called 'Give me some money', 'I want a pen'. '2000 for a photo' and 'I want your top'. At this village there was a kid who had a beetle tied to a piece of string. When the beetle tried to fly off the kid started shouting 'Giddy Up!' The video is attached. The numero uno of this village had eighteen wives and forty-five kids. It begs the question, how does he find time to pester tourists for '2000 for a photo'? Valentine's Day and Christmas must be a pain in the arse. We later came across a Masai warrior who had thirty-six wives and nighty-seven kids. I'm surprised it hasn't fallen off.

Next up was the traditional Masai Warrior dance. My favourite warrior was the one in his traditional hush puppies and socks. It was as if he'd come straight from his desk job in the bank. Also they didn't seem to jump very high and appeared to laugh a lot. Members of our group joined in and jumped higher. The Irish lad asked one of the warriors what his stick was called. The warrior replied, 'a stick'.

Next stop was the snake bite hospital. There we found a man there who'd been spat at by a cobra. He didn't look very happy. Maybe we should have brought him some grapes or old skool lucazade.

Next day we headed off to the Ngorongoro Crater and the Serengeti. Our guide was called Geoff. A very patent and pleasant chap he was too. He had to be as he had the woman who asked too many questions in his land rover. The first wildlife we saw were two baboons shagging. I laughed in a typical school boy manner and was told to be quite. I think because my laughter caused the baboon to stop. I must have put him off his stroke. Before we went down into the Serengeti we had lunch just above the crater. Here a picnic stealing Kite and Eagle lived. They swooped down and stole a chicken leg from one of our group's mouth. The rest of us legged to the land rovers for safety.

Serengeti did not disappoint. We saw Zebras, Giraffes, Wildebeest (1000s upon 1000s), Lions, Maribou Storks, Vultures, Secretary birds, Mongooses and many more. That night we camped in the Serengeti. We were told not to leave our tent between 12am and 7am as Hyenas were about. That resulted in a pee bursting night of sleep.

We were up early the next morning for a balloon ride across the Serengeti. This was an experience, although slightly boring as we saw nothing about from a rabbit and hyena and it was over too quickly. We then went off to have breakfast in a 'Out of Africa' stylee. Very nice it was too.

We then went on another safari. This time we saw a leopard which sent to woman who asks too many questions into delirium. She stood out of the land rover holding her arms out a la Kate Winslet in Titanic. 'Can't you just feel the freedom, Al'  Later we saw Water Buffaloes and a Cheetah kill by two Cheetah brothers. That was amazing. We also saw a Topi - what ever that is.

On the way back to our next campsite at the crater, we stopped off at a place known as the 'Birthplace of Man'. This is where the first fossilized steps of man are recorded. Also the first fossil human shit was found here. All interesting and funny. When we reached the campsite we were told not to leave toothpaste in our tent as warthogs would burst in and eat it. Brushing up their tusks no doubt.

Next morning we were up early for a journey into the Ngorongoro Crater. This is quite a spectacle. Animals here are self sufficient, so they never have to leave. We saw Flamingos, Rhinos, Elephants - including an elephant's cock - see childish pic, Hyenas, Jackals, Hippotatomusses, Spoonbills, Falcons, Baboons and best of all a pride of Lions.

The Lions had two month old cubs with them, but were looking for a three month old cub which had gone missing. We waiting patiently as a lioness growled her whereabouts to the missing cub. Soon, through the grass it appeared. There wasn't a dry lion eye in the crater. Further up the road were two male lions, who hadn't lifted a claw to help look. Men eh?

On the way back Shite Puke campsite we saw a Blue Monkey crossing the road. I asked it 'How does it feel to treat me like you do?' It replied, 'That was Blue Monday.' I thank-you!  That night some of the group showed how tight they were without giving a tip to our guides, who had been excellent.

That night the Gooners and Scousers of our group went to a local bar to watch Arsenal v Liverpool in the champions league. Here we met the parents of give me money who were called 'Buy me a drink' and 'Give me a cigarette.'

This was our last night in Tanzania and a great place it is too. Next stop, one night in Kenya.

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