Bend over, this won't hurt a bit

Trip Start Jun 18, 2009
Trip End Jul 27, 2009

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Flag of United States  , Maine
Saturday, June 27, 2009

Thwap! The sound of the rubber glove tightening on the customs agent's hand rang in my ears and reminded me vaguely of plebe year.

Apparently, according to Julia, I act "all nervy" when answering the crossing guard's questions at the border.  And I answer them honestly.  Yes, we have alcohol; 8 bottles of wine, gifts from the SHBC at our Jack and Jill party (DO NOT GOOGLE THAT!).  Next thing I know, we're pulling over into the special lane and listing every state we've lived in.  New York, New Jersey, Maryland, Oklahoma, Texas, Nebraska, Ohio - is that correct?  Two harried customs officials were tasked with searching our car. 

The car packing is a work of Tetris art.  Julia has skillfully stacked and smooshed 40 days of clothes, food, tents, rainflys, tarps, jackets, poles, sleeping bags, foam mattresses, air mattresses, stoves, pots, pans, silverware, and - literally - a kitchen sink, into a car the size of a cereal box. 

Now we're taking off the bikes, the locks, the racks.  Opening the 5 doors and standing aside as they lift the oversized and overstuffed duffels onto the portable X-Ray machine.  I hope they got a hernia.  Maybe one did, because about halfway through they abandonded the effort and declared us kosher for passover.  Or maple of Canada Day, whichever works better. 

Dispirited, Julia loaded our myriad belongings back into the Versa, but much less artfully.  I went inside and paid Canadian tax and duty and whatnot on the wine.  They were all gifts, so we figure they cost about $10 each, right?  $40 canadian later, we should have just bought it there.  Lesson #12 of this trip: don't travel with liquor.  Drink it all right before you cross the border.

Welcome to Canada Sir and Ma'am!

Take off, hoser.
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