Virgin on the Ridiculous
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Medjugorje,
Bosnia and Herzegovina
Monday, October 3, 2005
In Summer 1981, a time that gluesniffing was a big problem in the UK, 6 teenagers aged 15-17 from Medjugorje, a small town in southern Hercegovina, then part of Yugoslavia, saw a white apparition appear before them on a hill that told them "peace, peace, peace. Let there be peace". Now, the town is a major Catholic pilgrimmage site as apparently the white figure they saw was none other than the big VM herself, Mary. Dressed in white, as she always does, but we wonder what language she spoke to them in? Surely it should have been Arameic.... And kids never lie, do they - I never did. Honest.
24 years on and we were able to witness several white beings on the same hill. Some of them were called Mary and some may even have been virgins, as thousands of Irish pilgrims make a visit to the hill to cleanse their souls, or just to seek solace in the surroundings. Personally, judging by their skin tone, I reckon they would be better off investing in a week in Crete. Although some were so poor they couldn't even afford to wear shoes on the walk up and down.
As we walked up the hill we saw 5 blokes carrying their wheelchair-bound mate up, stopping at each station of the cross for a little service and a few "Hail Mary's". Tactfully, an American woman on the way down went to the 5 blokes and said "Isn't that heavy? Surely you would be better just carrying him!". OK, so he may have been physically disabled, but he wasn't bloody deaf and dumb you stupid woman...... Their response of "We would, but he farts too much when we do that" went completely unregistered....
Back in the town we visited a fairly newly-built church that would offer services in a multitude of languages. Also, a statue of JC himself was out the back, and another miracle happens in that a water-like liquid seeps from his right knee. His leg is plenty big enough to fit a pipe up, but I wouldn't be cynical to suggest that this would be anything other than an act of god. In able to perform other religious acts, you could buy many of the kitsch on sale. My personal favourite was the selection of vestments available for about EUR100. So, if any of you have any baptisms, marriages, or even fancy dress parties then I'm available for very reasonable rates......
