You utter utter utter utter Utter idiot

Trip Start Jun 02, 2013
Trip End Aug 30, 2013

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Flag of United States  , Oregon
Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Last day of the TAT.

Today the route was divided into 4 sections, 2 easy and two difficult. You pays your money and you takes your choice.

Given how hard this has been the last few weeks I thought perhaps the route had saved the easiest til last. I chose the two difficult sections. How hard could it be when speed is my friend? What could possibly go wrong?

As Andy's Murray said at the weekend, why is the last gasp the hardest?

It is like the route has said "OK now I will put to the test everything you have learned"

Apart from the brutal heat of Utah this was one of the toughest.

The GPS route was wrong and for large parts of the day there was no mapping at all. I re-routed maybe 20 times.

Add to that I was on my own. Although it was not the remoteness of Utah or New Mexico, it was still a bloody long way off the beaten track to walk after a puncture or broken leg.
At one point I turned around eight times to retrace my steps over one junction and to try to find the way forward.

Just to keep up the tradition I even fell off in a puddle.

It was as hard is it gets. Up in the high forest of Oregon. Trees down, trails washed away and wrong routes.

Then the end was in sight. Port Orford. The most westerly point of the lower 48 states. The End. Finito. El Finale. La Fine. Koniec.

A few miles of road section and Robert is your Father's brother.

How hard can it be?

How on earth have I survived my time on this planet and learned so little?

Why me? Why do I have so little common good sense when it comes to not being a complete and utter arse.

 I've arrived. I have achieved something. Not sure what but more than most people. Picture of the sea, find a motel job's a good un. Off to bed. But no.

 Port Orford is a bizarre port with no shelter for its fishing fleet. A 100 feet of beach and a hydraulic lift to get the fishing boats our of the water due to the high winds.

Given the shit day that I have had I rather cleverly decide that a picture of my bike resting close to the Pacific would be a fitting finale to the trip.

So I find an access road and ride onto the beach. 

I get 50 feet from the Pacific Ocean and the bike stops. Not only does it stop but I can kneel down on the sand whilst sitting on the saddle and to get off I don't need a side stand to hold the bike upright.

I am a complete and utter utter utter utter utter utter knob. Stuck, bloody stuck, stuck, idiot, knob. Idiot stuck. Idiot. If Bill was here we would have been crying so much it would hurt.

I can't move. I walk to the port official who has been watching the idiot on the beach and I beg. I beg to the food cabin near the beach. I beg to the fishermen in the port, I beg to the nearest hotel owner. I beg to locals. I beg to tourists. I beg to people in town with a 4x4. Funnily enough no one has a 4x4. In fact they all do but what they are too polite to say is that they don't want to get it covered in sand for some Limey utter utter utter idiot knob utter idiot who though it would be cool to ride into the Pacific Ocean.

4 hours to dig it out with the help of three tourists and travel the 100 feet to my super cool hotel overlooking my buried motorised bicycle,.

 Its been a hard and emotional day. I wish Bill has been with me.
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Glenn on

Congratulations on your determined accomplishment. You and Bill seen the US in a way that very few of us has done. If you are doing some other events while you are here, keep the updates coming! You GOB (good ole Brits) have been and inspiration to me and many other wannabe cross country adventure riders! Great blog!!

nickd on

You've done it, many congratulations, forget boorman and MacGregor you and Bill are now my favourite 2 wheeld travellers so I expect next year you will be having a crack at Australia - Indian to Pacific.
The irony of getting your bike stuck on the beach is not lost but I did laugh so hard I nearly peed meself. If I was on the quad I would have been stuck in the sand next door.
HRH is going to feel like she is meeting a two wheeled Sir Walter Raleigh when you see her...just remember to give her a potato.
It's been emotional..cant wait to catch up with you both back on our nice easy welsh lanes.

Jeff@starcitypowersports on

Nice to see you made it! We enjoyed your updates.


Who ever doubted Stainless Dave would be there right to the end.


Harby on

Well done Dave, you made it mate. I have to say that I pissed myself laughing at the denouement though - we've all been there! Something that seems like a good idea at the time then turns out to be a total act of muppetry. Your self-deprecating humour has been a highlight of your blog.

BA Lynn on

I just wanted to tell you what an awesome time I have had reading the blog. I’m not sure why you guys split off at the end; you two are the Morecambe and Wise of the motorcycle world. (I was gonna say Lennon and McCartney but that is too cliche.)

When I would read about your experiences, part of me would feel bad about this country. But on the flip side, I think it was a good thing that you were able to see real America. The America that is so far removed from the Kim Kardashians, Britney Spears, American Idol and all the other pop culture bullshit associated with us (which is truly the ugly side of the US.) I know the majority of the world believes all Americans are self absorbed, rude, materialistic and just overall obnoxious. But hopefully this trip changed at least your view on that.

Also, I am very inspired by what you guys did. It wasn’t easy and I’m certain it wasn’t cheap, but you now have another amazing story to tell and you were able to see things that many people will never see in their entire life. Much respect to you both of you; it definitely took some stones to take off on that trip.

Anyway – sorry for the super gay post. I hope to see you guys before too long whenever I get another chance to get back to the UK.

Lesley and Brown on

Many congratulations on completing your incredible journey across the USA. Sorry but we laughed so much at your beach escapade that we too nearly needed a change of underwear. We too have done some stupid things on our travels and trust us after a couple of days this will be one of the highlights of your trip. We crossed the same mountains as you the day become not on such extreme terrain but by hot rod standards it was just as bad! We ignored all the warnings and took the forest road across, encountering massive pot holes, gravel, rock fall, land slip but no trees across the road. Oh and only 2cars came the other way in 2 hours! However we made it unscathed! Good luck with the rest of your trip.

davidpower on

"you two are the Morecambe and Wise of the motorcycle world."

That is the highest accolade anyone could ever give, Lynn. You are a true Anglophile to know and appreciate the comic genius of Morecombe and Wise.

Thank you.

Maddie on

Can't believe it's all done and so much sooner than you thought. With the frequent journal entries it feels like we've come along for the ride. Have a safe trip back - don't do anything silly!! Wishful thinking I know! X

Ashers on

Don't think that just because you have finished your trip you can finish your blog, its part of my working day now!!!
Well Done Chap...

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