I feel like I am two Women

Trip Start Jan 01, 2011
Trip End Jul 04, 2011

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Flag of United States  , California
Sunday, March 6, 2011

 I feel like I am two women:
  One wants to have all the joy of living a passionate life. 
  Most of the time I want to live an adventure. 
  I want to travel and see the world. 
  I want to desire and feel desired by interesting men. I want to be courted.  I want to BE the exotic Brazilian girl. Beautiful and Real. Delicate, but with a strong personality. A bit of mystery... Flirty, but shy in a way.
  I want to make the rules as I go.
  I want to go to sleep at sunrise and wake up when the moon is coming out so I can party all night long!  
  I want to live... live and have no fear.
  I want to say "I love You" and still be able to leave when the time comes. 
  I want to grow old knowing that I have nothing to regret because I did, sad and tried everything I wanted...
And then some days I wake up and can't find myself. I look in the mirror and I see a little girl,  thirsty for life... Big eyes and that smile that just doesn't go away... 
And then I can't find that girl inside myself, I feel tired and I just want to give up to the routine, to the simple life, to things that can be planned and achieved easily.
  I want a big house, with a big kitchen and master bedroom.
  I want a stable relationship, and to be a house wife.
  I want to be awaken by my children every morning.
  I want to be safe and know what the next couple years of my life is supposed to look like. 
This 2 women live in the same body and they battle sometimes. 
 Most of the time the stronger, younger one takes charge and gently  tells the other woman that her time will come. That her too will get to shine and show the best of her to the world. 
 The meeting of this two women is a very dangerous game, the two universes can collide and they could destroy each other. 
 So it is very important that days like this of confusion are very rare. Maybe I should go slower on the wine.
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