Day in the Mountains
Trip Start
Nov 08, 2006
1
24
229
Trip End
Ongoing
Um Phang,
Thailand
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
01 Lunch Before the Ride
. Her lips moved but I couldn't hear her over the roar of the engine I was still pouring gas into by throttling the bike. She shook her head vigorously, and waved her hands frantically, seemingly insisting that I was, in fact, not James Dean. She turned off the engine, which allowed me to hear the laughter of the 15 Thais watching our lesson. She showed me how to start the engine without giving it much gas. She suggested I note the purr of the engine in contrast to the angry squeal I had created. She only charged us 150 baht (less than $5) for the rental, which is a great deal considering I was probably going to do several hundred dollars worth of damage to the transmission. Now that I knew about my audience (members of which would run over and show me different things and make suggestions, and laugh a lot), and I was a bit nervous after my reprimand, it was almost impossible to get the bike started. I finally passed that portion of the lesson and we moved on to proving I could ride it without dumping it onto its sides or accelerating into a water buffalo. She sat on the front of the bike and told me to sit behind her while she pointed out what does what. Now seems like a good time to mention that when I use the pronoun "she" I use it loosely. Thailand has a number of what are often referred to as girly boys. They are very effeminate males who dress and act like women. In the States we may call them transvestites, or cross-dressers, or pre-ops, or I don't know what else, but I respect people's gender choices and I just refer to them as women
02 Dry Field
. But this particular guy/girl was at a stage that made it difficult to figure out how to interact with her. She had the dress of a girl, the small waist and long hair (and killer breasts), but she had the deep voice and slight facial hair that at times reminded you that there was more to her than meets the eye (and it lived in her pants). So I didn't know whether to put my hands on her shoulders, on her waist, or to hold on to the back of the bike. The cackles coming from peanut gallery made me even more aware of the possible strangeness of the situation. So as the motorcycle started forward, I still hadn't decided how to anchor myself to the seat. Well, Thai bikes are short, so I just put my feet down and stood up as the bike pulled away. So I was left standing bow-legged in the road as the woman on the bike sped forward. The onlookers thought this was the most hysterical thing that had ever witnessed. Rolling in the isles type of stuff. This caused the woman to look back and realize she was companionless and her look of astonishment and confusion was pretty entertaining. After all this, we finally got everything all figured out. I proved my ability on the bike, and Lindsey and I set off.It was a beautiful day and we explored the mountains and villages around Um Phang. It had been very difficult to make our way to this remote destination, but as we rode up and down the hills and through the villages, we were rewarded for our efforts
03 Field and Cows
. It was clear that the people we passed didn't see many Westerners, which means most visitors didn't get to see what we were enjoying. We passed rivers with water buffalo lounging in the shallows. We saw villagers washing clothes in the moving water. We saw thick jungle with pockets of rice paddies and grazing cattle. Aside from the dangerous dirt roads, inclines that were terrifying while both ascending and descending, and the various brushes with death, it was a beautiful afternoon. We rode back into town jostled to exhaustion. Lindsey had spent the last several hours alternating between walking down hills that terrified her too much to attempt on the bike, and squeezing me and holding on for dear life. This had pushed me up to the very front of the narrow seat. So my weight was not on the cushioning of my ass as it is supposed to be. My 175 pounds was being supported solely by my pelvis, which was perched on the 4 inch wide seat. So with each bounce and hard landing, my pelvic bone was being punished in a way that had me dilating like an expectant mother. I was at 10 centimeters when we finally reached our guest house. I demanded ice chips and collapsed into bed.
