Road Trip-Days 3 & 4
Trip Start Jul 22, 2009
163Trip End Ongoing
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My life SUCKS!
Yesterday I rode over 225 kilometers in the rain, fog, and wind along undulating scenic roadway. I didn't have much of a scenic ride as I couldn't see anything through the rain covered helmet visor and the fog that often didn't let me see the car in front. Then there were the long waits due to construction.
But that not why my life sucks!
I stopped at a Starbucks in Monterey. Chatted with Melissa, who was having a smoke outside (I was dripping wet and wasn't going to sit inside) about my travels, and to a couple of homeless (it looked like) guys who were sitting outside having a smoke (they were on bicycles with all their worldly possessions) who had made comments about my motorcycle when I had arrived
I arrived at the KOA Campground after fighting to stay ON the highway due to the strong wind gusts that were trying to send me off into the ditch. After some trial and error I've managed to set up my shocks so that the suspension works well at high speeds. The rain held off the last half hour of my ride. I'm still soaked from head to toes. My boots must have had an inch of water in them. I'm cold and shivering.
But that's not why my life sucks!
I decide against setting up my tent, and get a Kamping Kabin. Put my stuff in the Kabin and take a walk to the showers. Haven't had one in 3 days. Showers open up to the outdoors. No heat in there. Going to be hard to warm up in there. Decide to take a walk around the campground. They rent these Airstream campers. Now that's a plan. A little more...OK...a lot more expensive, but I'm getting too old to shiver all night in a tent or log cabin with only a space heater. Besides, there's no way my riding gear and clothes would dry out in the Kamping Kabin with only a space heater. Rain was also predicted for today. Luxury accommodations is the choice for this stop.
Go back to the office and make the changes
Get up this morning after the rain stopped. It's after 9 am. Blue sky and sun. Put my tent out to dry. Forecast is for intermittent showers. Do I chance getting caught in the rain in Monterey? It's a half hour away. Decide against that. Clouds in the distance look menacing. With the tent dry I decide to take a ride to Seascape Village, about 5 miles away, for lunch and maybe some photo ops. The rain starts falling just as I arrive in town and the clouds look real menacing further north in that direction. I head back to the campground. Make a pit stop at the nearby beach for a couple of photos of Monterey Bay.
Spend the afternoon in the camper. Blue sky and sun most of the day with only a few drops falling. Where did all the menacing clouds go? Can't see very far north due to the trees. Went back to the office to check on the rental charge that seemed high. Yes, they made a mistake. They refunded $80.
I was exhausted. I had no energy. Brain fog
Now THAT's why my life SUCKS!
I can put up with the crappy weather and not seeing the sights that I planned on seeing. That's all part of traveling. I know I can't see all that I want and some days the weather won't cooperate. It's the being tired all the time that I can't take anymore. It's the feeling good for a few months then the unexplained crap periods.
Exactly 3 years ago I stopped working due to my fibromyalgia. I had no energy left. I feel like I'm back at that time and place. All I feel like doing is sleep and lie in bed. But I can't. I have to get back to somewhere where I can do that. My own place. But I don't have my own place. I can't afford my own place. I don't have the energy to work. What do I do?
But I'm so exhausted I can barely finish the road trip that I'm on.
So I've made up my mind. I get back to L.A. next week after the next three days in San Francisco (in a pre-booked hotel). Do my off-road BMW course one week later. For which I haven't the faintest idea why. Come back from that and pack up my things and head back to Canada.
I believe in and have faith in all that I'm doing but I just don't have the energy to continue. Being tired all the time is just too emotionally draining. If I'm doing what I'm suppose to be doing in life then I should have the energy to be able to do that. I don't. That must mean I'm doing the wrong thing.
A 4 month, 20,000 kilometer, 30 country, motorcycle expedition is just a "pipe dream".
I QUIT! ...because I don't have the energy to continue. Without a major shift in energy levels there's not much else I can do. I don't want to because I want to see how this story ends. I truly believe that Dreams do come true. I believe that fairy tale endings are possible.
Sorry...but I quit. :-(