Still moving northeast

Trip Start Jun 01, 2005
Trip End Ongoing

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Flag of United States  , Illinois
Thursday, June 23, 2005

Hello Friends and Neighbors,
It's Thursday, June 23rd and I'm in the middle of a cornfield in Casey, Illinois. I keep wanting to say the line from Field of Dreams, "Is this Heaven?" (no, Illinois). I'm staring out my window, in the shade of an 80 degree, nice beeze, kinda day. It has been a bit since my last entry so it's time to catch up again.

My stay at Tom and Lisa's RV resort was wonderful, productive and peaceful with only a few YIPES!; one of which was in a previous entry. Another yipe was Buck getting within inches of being hit by a truck while I was in Dixon (it was actually in St. Robert which reminded me of a Dog-man named Robert from my church class). The other was pulling the trailer up a steep gravel road out of Tom and Lisa's that required first gear, a running start, no stopping at the top onto the highway and alot of praying! Success!!

You've probably noticed that so far I'm not doing a lot (or any) touristy things. I mean I'm staying in places like Terrel, Arkadelphia, Dixon and Casey and not places like Little Rock, St. Louis or Chicago. Although I did see the Gateway Arch in St. Louis from afar while continuing to drive. And, tomorrow, when I head to Ohio I am staying at Wolfies Campground in Zanesville. Where? Although I do keep adding stickers to my trailer's US map once I pass safely through the state. But this isn't really a vacation for me, yet. It might begin when I reach Maine and hang around for a week or so.

But until then I'm visiting friends and family, taking care of business and learning the trailer. Power went out when I had the ac, fan, tea maker, foreman grill, tv and computer on; who knew, I'm used to a house with all plugs occupied and everything electrically humming along. I am also trying to either re-invent myself or remember who the hell I am. I have been a nomadic wanderer for 23 days and it hasn't happened yet.

I threw away or sold a lifetime of the Carroll's homestead possessions while trying to decide what to put into storage or what to carry in my trailer-backpack. It's funny what I stored and what I took with me. For some reason I packed my Dad and my brother's ashes.

I wasn't sure about Glenn's ashes until I arrived in Dixon and Tom asked me if I would accompany him while he let his ashes of Glenn go. We found a nice, tranquil spot on a country road and watched Glenn FLY!

The last five years of my life have been so incredibly ...hard, life altering, lonely and totally out of place. Don't get me wrong, I had some good stuff tossed in there. I went to Arizona and visited with my Environmental Education Mentor, Wendy and met the family of the professor I've researched forever, Ida Agnes Baker. I found a church that fit and flew to Boston for the weekend. Three magnificent grand-babies were added to my heart-safe. I got a passport and flew to Costa Rica and photographed monkeys, frogs and birds. And yet, I still feel so empty and lost.

I know that most of you will say that it's just the grief lingering over the loss of my Dad and maybe you're right. I hope so.

Well, tomorrow is another day on the road. I promise to keep my heart open to the abundant possibilities of good and will be talking to you soon.

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