Paris Hotels
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Crazy Night in Paris
Entry 22 of 108 | show all | print this entry |
So what do bottles of wine, girls from Austin, my fake engagement, lunatic front desk guy, discussions with 3 Paris Police officers and me all have to do with each other? I wouldn't have guessed either.
Let me start out by saying that I have heard lots of bad things about the attitudes of French people. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, but as it turns out French people are really pissy and they do really suck.
The day started out with a nice dinner (we got there late). I screwed up the wine choice at dinner (since I don't know crap about wine and the french waiter was being a dick) so we decided to buy a bottle of wine at a supermarket and drink it while we tried to find the Effel Tower. I think we got lots of looks and laughs because in between swigs of wine I would carry the bottle of wine in my back pocket, very un-french. Underneath the Effel Tower we ran into two American girls. Turns out that Elizabeth and Flin are from Austin and it just so happens that they are also drinking a bottle of wine under the tower (they were slightly classier, they were using cups).
They were there to meet a friend of their Rob. Rob shows up and we decide all to go to a bar. After bar hopping a bit, Eric wants to cruise home (it was 1pm, what a wuss). The girls invite Rob and I back to their hotel. A cab ride later we are underneath the Effel Tower again (the girls only knew how to get to their hotel from the Effel Tower). We start walking and it starts raining. An hour later, its raining harder, we are all a bit tipsy still, the girls were lost (no clue where their hotel is), we were pretty soaked, and its about 2:30am.
I should preface this next part by telling you how hotels and hostels work in Europe....they don't like guests. So if you have a room for two, apparently someone decided that only two people are allowed in the room. Now this isn't a law or anything, its just a practice that they seem to follow in Europe. Some places care, others don't at all.
So, we get ourselves to their hotel by another cab that we eventually flag down (finally!). During the time that we were wandering the streets, we developed our plan as to how we were going to get four people into one of these "two people" rooms. Our plan was this: the girls were on vacation, Rob and I are their boyfriends and we surprise them in Paris. Our story gets more interesting (the girls weren't satisfied with our story) when earlier in the night I had proposed to Elizabeth asking her to be my wife (so 6 hours after meeting some random girl from Austin in Paris, apparently I am now getting married).
So the girls walk into the hotel first with myself and Rob in tow. They pick up the key at the front desk and start walking upstairs. Rob was the last one and was almost around the corner when the front desk guy stops him. There is only one person working the front desk and he is this 40-ish year old French guy. We all walk downstairs and tell him our story. He immediately flips out and starts yelling. We argued with the guy for about 10 minutes during which he accuses us of being drunk, saying that we would be making lots of noise and waking up all the guests (he was yelling so loud the entire time that I had to tell him several times to lower his voice and quite down; we all spoke normally, never raising our voices once), and called us all stupid. Never in my life have I seen a human being act the way this french hotel front desk guy was acting. I can't even describe it in words, I would love to get a video of it, it would be insane.
So apparently 10 minutes was his blowing point. The guy was so pissed, he pulled out the only thing he had behind the front desk, a can of Raid (thats right the stuff you kill ants and roaches with). He pointed the can of Raid at us and threatened to spray us all with it (this guy was such a dick and was so pissed off I am surprised he didn't). He threatened to call the cops, we called his bluff and told him to go right ahead. He called our bluff and called the cops.
The thought running through my head at this point is: great, its now after 3am, I'm soaked, a really really pissed off french guy is holding us at gun point with his can of raid, the police are on their way, I don't know any of these people, and I am engaged.
We sat there thinking it would take the police forever. Five minutes later three Paris Police officers show up. The hotel guy starts to yammer and yell for 2 minutes at the police officers while we stood there having no clue what he was saying. Once it was our turn, the girls gave our side of the story. And by our side of the story, I mean the whole story about how we just got engaged and everything (great now we are even lying to the french cops). After trying to plead our case for a few minutes, the cops tell us that Rob and I have to leave.
At this point I thought "fuck it", I grab Elizabeth close and start making out with her as if we had just gotten engaged, after all I had to keep up the story right? The cops politely wait while we finish and then make plans for meeting up the next day. As the cops walk us out of the building, Elizabeth grabs me once more and starts to make out with me again. My only regret as I walked out of the building was that I didn't give the front desk guy the finger. That bastard.
It was now getting close to 4am, it was raining out, and Rob and I were on the opposite side of the city from where we were staying. We ask the cops if they would be willing to give us a ride to our hostels, they say no, but they would drop us off at the nearest taxi stop. So Rob and I cram into the back of the little Paris cop car and get a lift.
By the time I get out of my 3rd taxi in two hours followed by getting lost finding my hostel, all I can think about is wanting to see my bed. Turns out I couldn't even get that without a hassle. Eric, as usual, is passed out in his deep sleep and won't answer the door (I heard other people in other rooms waking up from my knocking, Eric probably didn't even move). Climbing five stories of stairs two more times eventually gets me into our room with the master key. When I walk in at 4:30ish in the morning, I was welcomed by Erics butt naked ass hanging out (it appeared brighter than the moon; Eric you need to get some sun bro). It was certainly the last thing on earth that I wanted to see before falling asleep. I should have markered his ass.
By the way, if you ever go travelling with Eric, definitely bring along one of those huge Magnum markers (the ones that have a tip the size of a pinky) and marker him up at night, he won't feel a thing, I wish I had one on this trip, it would have been classic.
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