It started with a Look, a Love Letter and a Kiss

Trip Start Dec 10, 2011
Trip End Sep 29, 2012

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Flag of Colombia  ,
Sunday, July 8, 2012

One week back in Colombia and here's what I managed to cram in. 1 week of couchsurfing, 2 apartment moves, 5 days volunteering, still zero alcohol thanks to the diet enforcement from Salmonella, 3 outdoor Zumba, well learning to have 'sex on the dancefloor’ classes, 2 classes of Spanish, 1 children’s party with ~400 kids and 1 date (well reunion). I feel like it’s been already 3 weeks and not 1!

It has been more than an interesting week here. I felt lonely, homesick. Tired, both physically tired and really tired of traveling being now six months into my trip. Really all of that did vanish, the minute I stepped back onto Colombian soil (not the homesick part). I said before that my heart was here in Colombia, in Medellin but there is more than one reason why my heart is here.

It all started with the country. Colombia; what an adventure, the different landscapes, the history, the contrast of reality versus perception of the place. Then the people; friendly and accepting. Then it was the feeling of worth when making a difference through volunteering and finding the bubbly confident Charlotte that was hiding for a while. Then it was a man, a Colombian and a 'paisa' (the affectionate term for people from Medellin).  Not only did this man sweep me off my feet but I, and I think he too, fell for each other immediately.

I have not written about this before because I would like to keep my private business, well private. Also because I wanted to protect people involved, but now I feel I have to write it down, record it somehow to never forget the time I fell hard into love, like falling into a deep sleep or into a well. The problem with this is now how do I bounce back, or wake myself up and climb out of the well?

They say "It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all". It’s true. One passionate romantic love affair in my life is good. Good for me, but why is the pain after so hurtful.  I knew what I was getting myself into when I started with this man. I lived in the moment and yes I returned because really I wanted to see him and I love him. As with anything in life, it’s a bit complicated and I would truly love it to work, but I know also it might not.

I can hold my head up high and say at least I tried. An old Chinese proverb gives a warm sympathy to loves lost, "If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." I did the real litmus test, I came back, I could not keep away I was thinking about him and Colombia too, for two whole months, however I came back but he did not fly back to me in response.

At least I let myself be loved again. As one of my friend’s told me back then and now, he put a big smile back on my face, and it’s true. I am stronger from this and I know, and have been told even by him, that I deserve better.  I can already fondly remember many memories and laughs we shared and I would like to thank him for making me experience new feelings I had not felt before.

Everything in life happens for a reason and if you don’t ask you don’t get, back to the ‘at least I tried my best’. I am not miserable, only a little sad, but remember before this wonderful, kind, handsome man of my dreams came along, my heart was already here in Colombia. So it’s not broken and is beating faster from all the other reasons why I’m here again and very much still in love with Medellin and Colombia.

So much so I changed my plan that was already changed, again. Also I have cancelled a flight, again. I counted exactly each calendar days I can stay here till my tourist visa runs out and I checked my funds too. Turns out I’m going to stay a total of 3 months this time. Well at least that is what I know and have decided at the time of writing. Having choices, these kinds of wonderful choices is not a chore; it is a complete pleasure to imagine and act upon the fact I can do anything I want and go anywhere I want. “…Explore. Dream. Discover”.  Mark Twain’s words remind me why I am on this physical and personal journey, I will keep living for now and in the moment and that’s surely going to lead me to more wonderful people and the future I imagine?

One lasting thought for everyone reading this… and if you have not thought about this before then act on it now!
Go confidently in the directions of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined”.

I did and I am!
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