LONDON CALLING

  London, England, United Kingdom
Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Hello guv'ners,

Did we mention something at the end of our last entry about looking forward to not being scammed here in London Town? Funny that.

It certainly has been an interesting 10 days - starting with an unexpected visit to the police station after getting well and truly ripped off by a smooth talking fraudster, and culminating in the fun and frivolity of celebrating the Birthday-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

Let's rewind a bit.

We arrived at Heathrow last Tuesday morning after a four-hour flight from Cairo. After our time in the heat and sand, we were looking forward to some cooler weather and, more importantly, a long hot shower and a chance to debrief after nearly three weeks of hard slog. As we previously mentioned, we'd arranged to rent an apartment in Central London. We'd found it on a reputable website and at £250 pounds for nine nights, we thought it was a pretty good deal.

LONDON TOWN

We contacted the owner while we were still in Egypt and after deciding he seemed genuine, we handed over our cash. But as soon as we made the payment, our mysterious business partner (let's call him "The Lying, Cheating Bastard Who Ran Off With Our Cash") ceased all contact. He wouldn't answer our emails and so by the time we landed at Heathrow, we hadn't heard from him in two weeks. "Perhaps there's been a miscommunication," we thought, "or perhaps he's been in some kind of accident and can't make it to the computer?"

With mounting fear we left the airport and caught the tube to the prearranged meeting place he'd given us - an address for the apartment. An address, it turns out, that didn't exist. Tired and hungry (we hadn't eaten or slept since Alexandria the day before), we searched the street where the apartment should be. Still with a glimmer of hope in our hearts, we asked shopkeepers, residents, people on the street, taxi drivers. We even went to the local cop shop who dashed our last remaining confidence that it will all work out in the end when a young bobby informed us that just 10 minutes earlier another Aussie had been in reporting a similar incident.

We realised then, we'd been scammed. It was probably the lowest point of our trip so far.

Thoroughly dejected, we phoned Chris' mate Dave T who kindly offered us a bed for the night. We made our way to his work and sat outside the train station waiting. Dave later admitted that when he saw us sitting there on our packs, looking forlorn and in need of a wash, Chris with his shaggy beard, he almost kept walking.

So we spent our first two days London homeless. Dave let us linger for two nights until we located, after much effort, a hostel with two spare beds. He'd kindly plied us with alcohol to numb the pain and offered us kebabs and pizza to satisfy our grumbling tummies. Chris even felt confident enough to don his kaftan (mumu). We were now ready to face the world.

"I FEEL A BREEZE"

Day three was moving day, making the trek from Dave's house in the south to our temporary home in Kings Cross. We had checked into Clink a converted 200-year-old courthouse which seemed decent enough. After dumping our bags, we headed to the local police station to report "The Lying, Cheating Bastard Who Ran Off With Our Cash". We gave a statement and were promised someone would follow it up. We had his bank details and some other personal information, so there was hope.

WHO IS THIS BUM? OH YEAH, IT'S LAURA!

That night, Chris' sister Laura arrived in town, which put a smile on our faces. We hadn't seen her since her surprise visit to Sydney in October 2006, so there was lots to catch up on and Chinese food and beer seemed like the perfect accompaniment. Predictably, she was horrified at Chris' excess facial hair, saying he reminded her of the "homeless guy" in the movie "Happy Gilmore".


So did he shave it off?


He most certainly did. First thing the next morning he took himself to the barber and returned freshly shorn, looking about 10 years younger, though sporting a slight BTL (Beard Tan Line) from his past couple of months in the sun. He was now ready to declare war on an army of ANZAC Day pints.

TOO MANY ANZAC SPIRITS

We met Laura, Dave T , Caroline's mate from uni Emily (who has just moved to London), Emily's boyfriend Dave and their mate Andy and started our Aussie assault on London's bars. After a slow start in Putney in the south, we slowly made our way north, stopping for a pint of Fosters and a glimpse of an AFL match, until we hit one of the city's infamous Walkabout bars - Aussie themed and typically corny - think fluffy kangaroos and boomerangs hanging from every available surface.

The one we ended up at, however, wasn't too bad - fulfilling all our patriotic musical requirements with hits from Men at Work, Crowded House and John Farnham. Later in the evening, there was even a minutes silence, and a rather impressive rendition of the last post.

The party then moved to what we soon discovered was a gay bar, where birthday celebrations were under way for a mate of Dave T's. Several more pints later and a kebab pit stop later and we were ready for bed.

Last Saturday was the eve of the Birthday-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Chris headed off to do secret birthday business while Laura and Caroline did secret ladies shopping business, heading to the bargain Mecca known as Primark to pick out a lovely birthday outfit for mysterious celebrations the next day.

By evening, however, the sickness that had been threatening to take us for the past couple of days decided to move in and Caroline started feeling poorly. Fortuntely Chris had kindly organised a lovely hotel room for two nights as part of the celebrations for the Birthday-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named so we headed there and promptly passed out.

The next day was THE day. Caroline awoke from her most comfortable sleep in two months to a wonderful breakfast in bed followed by presents. Then we were off, Caroline in her new birthday outfit and Chris in an ironed shirt. Caroline's stomach bug was still giving her grief, so we hopped in a cab to our first destination, which Chris went to great lengths to keep a secret by providing directions, rather than giving an exact address.

Chris (to cabbie): "Please turn right here, now left here, the second right."
Cabbie: Oh, you're going to Jamie Oliver's Restaurant - Fifteen."

Well, the cat was out of the bag, and while Chris was annoyed that the secret had been prematurely revealed, Caroline was over the moon. A huge Jamie Oliver fan and an even bigger reality TV fan, she's been wanting to go to the famous eatery since it opened in 2002. But the grand, celebrity-style entrance she had imagined for so many year was well and truly dashed when she was suddenly overwhelmed by the need for a trip to the toilet and simply barged through the door, asked for directions to the ladies and blustered down the hall. She was later thankful Jamie wasn't there to see her less-than-spectacular arrival.

FIFTEEN THIS BIRTHDAY...

Lunch itself was delicious - an entree of gnocchi and a main of perfectly grilled steak all washed down with a bottle of Fifteen's own red. Dessert, though hardly needed, was a slice of the most delicious chocolate cake complete with candle.

ME, MYSELF AND EYE

Then we were off again. It had started to drizzle slightly, which had Chris worried as, Caroline was to discover, the next pit stop was the London Eye. More worrying for Caroline, however, was her fear of heights and the fact she's be in a glass bubble 137m in the air above the Thames. Despite forgetting her fear, Chris had thought ahead and arranged a glass of champagne to calm her nerves.

I'M SPINNING AROUND...

It took 30 minutes to do a complete circle and when we were back on solid ground, we strolled east along the Thames, stopping to ride the carousel in the rain before meeting with friends (Laura, Dave T, Emily and Dave, Jess from Famous, Jules, James and Laura who we met in Egypt and Eleanor from The Daily Telegraph) at a riverside pub called the Founders Arms.

DIRTY 30

Though still not feeling the best, we managed more pints and more cake before heading back to our last night in the hotel room.

For our final three days, London lived up to it's reputation, and put on a spectacular show of rain - deflating any hopes we might have of squeezing in some sightseeing before we left. Buckingham Palace, the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben will all have to wait until next time.

On May 1, we took Emily with us via the Eurostar train to Paris, then French wine country before heading south to Spain and Portugal where we pick up Chris' sister Laura before heading to Morocco. Update to follow soon.

Let's hope we have better news to report.

Love,
Chris and Caroline xx



P.S.

To everyone who sent me presents and cards or called or emailed to wish me happy returns for The-Birthday-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named: a very big thank you. It made my day to know you were all thinking of me and I felt extremely spoiled. Thanks mum for your lovely message - it was very special. And thanks to everyone who came to my birthday drinks - especially those who travelled a long way or left a lovely holiday in the snow just to come and give me a weird electronic bubble wrap toy that I'll cherish forever. I had an awesome night. Jules, my hair loves you - Caroline

Mum/Josey - Happy Birthday for May. We hope you had a wonderful day and our present is on it's way.

Both our mums: Happy Mother's Day for the other day. It was great to speak to you.

Maddie: Happy Birthday for April 27. Not long now before we can take you out on the town!

Luci: Happy Birthday for the other day - we're sure you celebrated in true Luci style.

Simon: Whaddaya think of my kaftan? I'm on board - Chris