TWO WEEKS IN D'NILE

  Cairo, Cairo, Egypt
Tuesday, April 22, 2008

TWO WEEKS IN D'NILE

Salam everyone,

We know this update is well overdue, and we're sorry, but you'll have to excuse us - we're on holiday.

GOIN' DOWN THE LONG ROAD...

It's not that we've been too busy basking in the sun or sipping cocktails or visiting the world's great monuments (though we admit, there has been some of that). The truth is, we've just been either in the desert, out of the range of technology, or at the police station. But more about our life of crime later.

The purpose of this entry is to fill you in on the two and a bit weeks we spent in Egypt - a land of contrasts if ever we've seen one.

PORNSTAR SHISHA

We left Tokyo on April 2 to make our way to Cairo via Heathrow. The 12-hour leg from Narita to Heathrow was itself quite pleasant, but a four-hour stopover in London stretched out to eight hours after our plane, ready and waiting on the tarmac to depart for Cairo, was refused take-off after suddenly becoming a "crime scene". Apparently the aircraft had earlier in the day carried a mysterious package from Beijing and police had decided to investigate - while we were on the plane. So while they did their bit, we passengers busied ourselves with free beer and pretzels for the next four hours. Though Chris, who had fallen asleep almost as soon as he sat down and slept through the entire ordeal, awoke on take off assuming we were landing in Cairo and was shocked to discover we hadn't gone anywhere at all.

Our arrival in Cairo, therefore, was delayed until the early hours of April 3 but fortunately our transfer was still waiting patiently and, after rushing through customs and pausing briefly to ponder how much business the shops selling washing machines and kitchen sinks at Cairo's airport could actually be doing, we were off into the night, zipping down the freeway past skyscrapers, tucked neatly between grand domed mosques and turreted temples.

We had almost three full days in Cairo before our official tour began and we spent them doing absolutely nothing. It was a nice change of pace from the previous two-months where we'd followed a pretty tight schedule. We spent our days wandering the streets of the old town, giving our bargaining skills a workout, familiarising ourselves with the local custom of Baksheesh (a monetary payment that falls somewhere between a tip and a bribe that's offered to people whether they actually help you or not) and generally coming to terms with the local men's blatant ogling directed at anything female with a pulse.

It soon became obvious that these guys really are sleazy (depraved). One day, after feasting on chicken shwarmas (the local version of the kebab, though more like a hot chicken roll than your regular doner variety) we were approached by a young guy, who started up a conversation by asking Caroline her name.

Caroline: My name is Caroline. What's yours?
Young man: My name is Muhammad, can I ask you a question?
Caroline: Yes
Young man: Is the hair under your arms long or short? Egyptian women have long hair under their arms and I have heard Western women have short hair. Do you have short hair?
Caroline: (stares back in shock)
Young man: May I see your underarms? Can I look at your armpits?

We walk away as the young man trots behind us begging for a peek at Caroline's underarms. We later discover that this was to be the most innocent request of the next two weeks.

On the evening of Sunday, April 5 we met with our tour group - out of 15, there were eight Aussies, three Canadians, and two Poms, a Kiwi and an American, plus our tour guide, a behemoth German-Egyptian called Shady.

CAROLINE TAKES A BREATHER

The next morning kicked off our first official day of sightseeing with a trip out to Giza to see the Pyramids. Now, the thing about the Pyramids is that they're not out in the middle of some vast sandy desert, as all those National Geographic photos would have you believe, rather plonked right in the middle of the choking city of Giza. Of course, the monuments were there long before the Papyrus shops and perfume hawkers, but now the urban sprawl has engulfed the famous site, creeping up to just a few hundred metres from the base of the Great Pyramid, the only survivor of the Seven Wonders. Still it's quite an experience to drive through Giza and see a triangular tip poke through the buildings and smog, unnoticed by the locals who seem nonplussed as they go about their business in the shadow of one of the most incredible engineering feats of mankind (not aliens as some conspiracy theorists would have you believe).

YES, THERE REALLY IS A SOUND AND LIGHT SHOW

The first thing you notice when you arrive at the Pyramids is the overwhelming number of tourists, streaming out of their air-conditioned buses with cameras aimed at all angles. The second thing you notice is the local "entrepreneurs" or touts, hoping to make a quick Egyptian Pound hawking everything from scarab beetle necklaces to Tutankhamun fridge magnets. Once upon a time you used to be able to climb to the top of the Pyramids but now, fortunately, it's forbidden. These days you just have to be content with the nightly sound and light show, complete with booming voiceover, so we're told.

The Pyramids were the tombs of the Pharaohs and there are three main Pyramids at Giza - the Great Pyramid of Khufu (the largest in Egypt), the Pyramid of Khafre (Khufu's son) and the Pyramid of Menkaune (Khufu's grandson).

The Great Pyramid is made of 2.3 million limestone blocks, weighing 2.4 tonnes each and once stood 146m when completed in 2570BC, but now stands 137m. The next largest, the Pyramid of Khafre, is 136m high and the one we chose to raid.

We entered through a small doorway in the base and descended deep into the ground, down a steep narrow corridor, hunched over and struggling to breathe through the thick, humid air. Then, after 50m or so, the ground levelled out and we were briefly able to walk upright before heading back uphill, almost having to walk on all fours as we climbed another 50m into the burial chamber containing the sarcophagus. For a brief moment, we were in the chamber completely alone - quite a surreal experience.

SPHINX KISS

Leaving the Pyramid sweaty and light-headed we headed over to the nearby Sphinx - which was kind of like meeting a celebrity - much smaller and less impressive in real life. There are many theories about the story behind the giant rock with a lion's body and a man's head with the most common being that it was carved during Khafre's reign and in his image. The crumbling nose is believed to have been the result of an attack somewhere between the 14th and 15th centuries.

...NOW YOU SEE IT

Not long after we arrived at the Sphinx, a dust storm swept in, obscuring the classic view of the Sphinx nestled in the shadow of the Great Pyramid - much, we imagine, to the annoyance of yet another convey of tourist buses that rolled in just as we were leaving.

...NOW YOU DON'T

The next day, we left busy Cairo behind and headed off in three jeeps for the White Desert - a surreal lunar-like landscape of giant mounds of limestone sculptures shaped like mushrooms, human heads and grotesque phallic symbols. The place was unlike anything either of us had ever seen before. Our entrance into the area had been equally as spectacular, all three jeeps racing through the desert, weaving through the rock formations at breakneck speeds in a race to get to our campsite.

WHITIES CONQUER THE WHITE DESERT

Sunset, though incredible, was the signal for the temperature to begin dropping rapidly and we huddled in thermals and sleeping bags to eat dinner prepared by our drivers, before positioning ourselves around the campfire to toast marshmallows and drink Egyptian Stella beer. We fell asleep to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers reverberating from tinny ipod speakers under a canopy of stars and woke up to a glorious sunrise streaming across the impossibly white sand.

DESERT BREAKFAST

Over the next couple of days we based ourselves at a Bedouin Village, a camp run by the desert people that live in the area. It was basic - concrete and reed huts, a temperamental water supply and toilets that only sometimes worked. But at night the Bedouin's knew how to party with singing, dancing and shisha around the campfire until the early hours.

EVERYONE SAY "OASIS"

During the day we explored local villages, small towns known as oases settled around natural water supplies. We splashed about in thermal springs, had lunch with the locals in their mud-brick homes and tore across the desert in our jeeps - sometimes with us clinging on for dear life on the roof!

GHOST TOWN OF AL QASR

We sand-surfed massive dunes in the Sahara and explored Al Qasr, a ghost town deserted for unknown reasons. Walking quietly through its sandy, labyrinthine streets, we definitely got the feeling someone was watching us.

MY HUMPS, MY HUMPS, MY LOVELY CAMEL HUMPS

Another night we took a sunset camel trek out to the desert - each of us taking our own steed but surrounded by the entire pack - including a few mischievous calves.

CAMEL KISS

After leaving the desert, we headed east to Luxor, a great city on the Nile where we spent out days seeing the sights and feasting on the amazing local cuisine.

CAZ AT KARNAK

We visited Karnak Temple, a sprawling complex of pylons and obelisks dedicated to the Theban gods, dating back around 4000 years. Most impressive was the Hypostyle Hall, which covers 6000sqm - reportedly enough to contain both London's St Paul's Cathedral and Rome's St Peters. The open-air hall contains 134 towering stone pillars that were once bathed in gold and colour under a gigantic stone roof.

PISSY CHRISSY

We took a boat across the Nile for dinner that night but unfortunately, during the trip over, one of our group, James, took ill and by the time we reached the other side he needed a good dose of sugar to get him back on his feet. Someone produced a can of Coke but with James horizontal on the deck and temporarily unable to sit up, a straw was required. Never missing an opportunity to help, Chris leapt off the boat, ran up the embankment to a nearby shop and came running back with the straw. Unfortunately, as he was making his way back across the gangplank, the boat drifted away, leaving Chris clinging desperately to the side. As his grip loosened, he gave one last bellow - "Did he get the straw?" - before toppling into the Nile.

Fortunately some locals were on hand to scoop him out but he had a rather soggy dinner.

DONKEY GRAND PRIX

The next day we visited the Valley of the Kings, the place where Pharaoh's were buried when it became apparent that the security at the Pyramids was a bit shoddy and the tombs kept getting raided. Our transport this time was the humble donkey - which is definitely not the easiest of animals to navigate as they are without the ability to obey even the simplest commands. Basically, as soon as we mounted our poor steed they were off, trotting through the jungle and up the mountain as fast as their little legs could carry them. It became a "Donkey Grand Prix" with everyone screaming "Yella" (let's go) to will their animal across the finish line first. Caroline's donkey, who stubbornly refused to stretch past last place for almost the entire hour's ride, got it's second wind right at the end and made a late dash to take out third place. It was an awesome experience - and the Valley of the Kings was pretty great too.

SAND DUNING...GNARLY!

The next day we headed off for Aswan (once part of Nubia) in a tourist convey. Basically, the Egyptian government has declared that all tourist buses heading along certain routes have to leave at the same time for safety - sometimes with up to 100 vehicles all travelling together in convey. We're sure they have it all figured out but we thought perhaps such a large contingency of tourists would actually attract the attention of terrorists rather than offer us protection.

THE BEDOUIN VILLAGE NEEDED A BIT OF TWEAKING

From Aswan we made a six-hour round trip south to Abu Simbel (almost on the border with Sudan), an impressive temple and giant statues built into the stone on the shore of Lake Nasser, a man made lake created by the building of the High Dam in 1971. Stretching 510km, it is the second largest dam in the word and would apparently wipe out Cairo and several European coastal cities if ever it were to break. For obvious reasons, it's a high-risk terrorist target with 15 per cent of Egypt's air force dedicated to protecting it.

ABU-SOLUTELY-SIMBEL

The impressive thing about Abu Simbel is that when the waters of the dam began to rise, the entire site was picked up and moved to a specially built mountain 210m away and 65m higher than it's original site - which is now completely submerged beneath the dam. The other interesting thing about Abu Simbel is that when the original temple was constructed by King Rameses II 3000 years ago, it was designed in such a way that twice a year (on Rameses II's birthday and the anniversary of his coronation) sunlight would stream through the doors and illuminate his statue. Unfortunately, when the engineers painstakingly reconstructed site 40 years ago, they stuffed up their calculations so the sunlight trick is out by one day. Sucks to be them.

OUR FELUCCA

Returning to Aswan, we hopped aboard a Felucca - which was to be our home for the next three nights. Feluccas are basic sailboats, with no engines or toilets. There is a single deck covered in a large mattress, under the canopy of a shade awning. If there's wind, we move, if not, we don't. Our aim for the next three days was to make it down the Nile to the riverside town of Komombo.

JUST ANOTHER DAY ON THE FELUCCA

We had nothing else to do but relax. It between feeding times (the wonderful Nubian crew would prepare the most amazing dishes on board), we would read, listen to music, sleep or stop for a dip in the Nile. For three days we lived in our swimmers and sarongs, didn't brush our teeth or wash. At night we'd make a campfire on the shore, drink beer and listen to music. It was the three most wonderfully relaxing days of our life.

IT'S A HARD LIFE

One the second night, a few of us organised "Rameses Rave", of which we have vague memories of drunken charades, drunken donkey rides around the campfire and a very drunken conga line to the Bangles hit, 'Walk Like an Egyptian'. So incredibly corny, yet so much fun.





We were all bummed to have to disembark after four days of doing absolutely nothing, convinced we could cruise for another week. "Who needs showers or TV?" we cried. Yet, almost as soon as we returned to normal civilisation, we were rejoicing in hot water, dashing off to McDonalds and internet cafes and coffee shos and complaining when we couldn't find anything good to watch on pay TV. We are all secretly creatures of habit, it seems, who would rather fluffy towels and room service over going to the toilet behind a tree any day.

We spent one more night in Luxor, wandering through the markets to give our haggling skills one last workout. Chris bought a lovely red and white striped kaftan that he vows he will never wear because it makes him look like Wee Willy Winky.

Then it was back to Cairo to complete our journey through the backroads of Egypt. On our final day, we checked out the Cairo Museum where we saw 4000 year old mummies of Kings - the very same who had built many of the temples we had seen along the way. We also came face to face with Tutankhamu'sn famous mask and the rooms full of riches found in his tomb. He wasn't even that great in the whole scheme of things - just a spoilt little rich kid. The Paris Hilton of Ancient Egypt.

A typical woman, Caroline also made a detour to Cairo's famous Khan el-Khalili markets and sipped mint tea at Fishawis, a famous café that claims it's never closed its doors in 200 years. Which means the poets and writers who frequented the place a couple of centuries ago were there casually sipping tea and smoking shishas when Australia was being founded.

On April 19, we farewelled our group - many of who were continuing on to Mount Sinai and Dahab - and headed north by train to Alexandria where we were to spend our final two night in Egypt and where Caroline was to get her first look at the Mediterranean Sea,

CHRISTOPHER THE GREAT (AND THE DEATH STAR)

Alexandria, founded by Alexander the Great, was once home to the greatest library in the world. Opened in 3BC, it contained ¾ million important texts from all over the Greek Empire. The original library burned down and today the famous Biblioteque stands in it's place - an amazing piece of architecture, complete with a planetarium that looks very much like the Death Star from Star Wars. Only one scroll from the ancient library has survived.

THE CATACOMBS IN ALEXANDRIA

We also visited the Catacombs of Kom Ash-Shiggafa, the largest known Roman burial site in Egypt that was accidentally discovered in 1900 when a donkey disappeared through the ground. On the surface it looks like little more than a dilapidated stone building but when you descend down the spiral staircase through which they used to lower the bodies, a great labyrinthine cavern of rooms opens up, with human size holes dug into every wall like a great stone morgue. It was eerie walking through the silent rooms, often balancing on wooden plankways as the floors were flooded. We had visited towards the end of the day and for much of the time we were down there alone which was also slightly unnerving, particularly when the call to prayer came echoing down the staircase and reverberated throughout the chambers.

THE VIEW OF THE MEDITERRANEAN FROM OUR ROOM

On Monday, April 21 it was the beginning of the end of our time in Egypt and we probably shouldn't have expected it to be without at least one final obstacle. Early in the day we had gone to the bus station to buy tickets for the night bus to Cairo airport. Our flight to London wasn't until 8am the nest day, but we decided we could survive an eight-hour wait in the departure lounge. Now complete cynics, we tripled checked that the tickets we had purchased would take us all the way to the airport and the cashier reassured us. "Yes, most certainly, all the way."


The four-hour trip took us through Cairo and we caught one last glimpse of the pyramids though the traffic, looking more like a crudely lit themed Casino than the sole survivor of the Seven Wonders of the World. Then, at our fifth ticket inspection for the journey, we found ourselves in the middle of a commotion - it turns out our friend back at the ticket booth in Cairo had only given us tickets to Cairo city and not the airport for which we had paid. We begged and pleaded our innocence but the driver wouldn't budge. We had to hand over the final 20 Egyptian Pounds ($4) we were saving for a snack during our long wait at the airport to buy (bribe) our way through the final checkpoint.

It ended up being a long night. Chris managed a few hours sleep but Caroline stayed on guard, not at all liking the way the cleaners and security guards were huddled in the corner, whispering and gesturing in her general direction.

After watching our final Egyptian sunrise it was time to board our plane to London. We had rented an apartment in the middle of London for our 10-day stay and while we had enjoyed our time in Egypt and seen many incredible things and met some great new friends, we were looking forward to a bit of normality again, like regular showers, traffic lights - and not getting scammed.


Talk soon,
Chris and Caroline



P.S.
Beck: Congratulations on your engagement! We are so happy for you and Michael but totally peeved we won't be there for the nuptials. How the hell is Caroline supposed to organise a debaucherous hen's night of booze and strippers from the other side of the world? And thanks for the birthday present - it arrived at Laura's after she returned home but we'll be seeing her in a couple of weeks in Lisbon so I'll collect it then.

Soph: So sorry we missed your birthday a couple of weeks ago - it kinda fell during a few days of limbo while we were floating down the Nile. Hope your THIRD birthday cake at Famous was simply delightful.

Simon: Skydiving? Please explain.

Pen: Brainteasers usually require reading into the obscure.

Jack: Thought of you the whole time I was in the Nubian region - Caroline

EGYPTIAN BUTCHER

ON A PERSONAL NOTE:
Caroline is doing ok, but really just wants an afternoon to sit down on the couch and watch bad TV. She's a bit anxious she'll be missing her first Big Brother in eight years and would love just one hour alone with her beloved GHDs. Chris has decided donkeys are his new favourite animal and has lost 13kgs since being on the road. He's also been growing a beard ever since we were in China. He thought he might wait until he could show his sister in London before shaving it off. Did he or didn't he? Tune into our next blog to find out.

WORST. TOILET. EVER.

THINGS WE LEARNED IN...EGYPT:
1. Eggs, bread, cheese = the Holy Trinity of Egyptian cuisine. It takes approximately three days to seek other grub gods to worship.
2. The sand you thought you left behind in the Sahara can turn up in unusual places three weeks later in London.
3. Bathing in the Nile can help tone down the odour of not showering for three days but not eliminate it completely.
4. It's actually not that unusual for guns to be pulled out at breakfast and passed around alongside the sugar.
5. A woman could be wearing a hessian sack, gumboots and a bag over her head and still be propositioned at least a dozen times between walking from her hotel to the cab waiting outside. In that way, Egypt is much like race weekend in Bathurst, just with fewer burning cars.
6. At a hotel you can open the front door yourself, carry your own bags to your room and turn down your own covers and still the porter who followed you will ask for money as a tip - and you're expected to give it to him.
7. A windy day will quickly put an end to the question of what an Egyptian man wears under his kaftan.
8. It's not entirely true to say that an apple shisha a day is good for you.
9. There is something quite animalistic, yet freeing, about going to the toilet in the desert.
10. Walking like an Egyptian is far less dramatic than The Bangles would have us believe.