Mile 253.6: Harrisburg

Trip Start Mar 05, 2006
Trip End Mar 11, 2006

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Flag of United States  , Pennsylvania
Monday, March 6, 2006

mile 253.6
3/6 1:39 pm 42 degrees F

I arrived at Harrisburg about twelve hours and I slept in a Courtyard Marriot parking lot, how ironic, I suppose. However, I managed to sleep for most of those twelve hours because I've been up for so many hours now. It was quite cold, but it was bearable, and by bearable, I mean free. As of right now, I'm feeling more unmotivated to continue this journey, but as I muster onward, I feel that I'm not getting the spontaneity I've wanted, but I've gained a hell of a lot of the wisdom that I desired from this trip. The options that people are giving me aren't the most exciting, but I suppose the reflection and analysis I'm performing after these decisions having a profound effect on me. Is it possible to experience regret when you don't make the decision yourself? Does the convenience of not having to deal with such trivial decisions mean that I have more time to deal with larger decisions? Is it ever possible to not be making a decision at any given moment? Insane, isn't it.

I think I've already answered these questions with evidence already. My Burger King post showed that it is difficult to regret a decision you didn't make, and you just deal with it and you attribute any frustration or anger toward the thing that caused the decision. This may be why gamblers blame the casinos or superstitions rather than blaming their own lack of restraint of compulsive risk-taking. At the food court at Harrisburg Mall today, I had the food lady make all of my decisions rather than rolling the dice (a new experiment). But I learned that in doing so, I actually helped myself because if I were to have chosen the dishes (I probably would have chosen the same anyway), but I would have wated so much time analyzing factors such as taste and texture and what I desired at that moment. In the end, it wouldn't have given me much more satisfaction, but I would have wasted so much time and effort into choosing a menu item. Perhaps in the future, I need to make some decisions quickly and to stop obstructing myself from making a gut decision. And lastly, it is never possible to not be making a decision. If I'm sitting there idly, I'm choosing to sit there idly. Even if someone told me to do so, I have decided to obey that person. Therefore, can I say that I'm truly experiencing a lack of control or that I'm allowing someone to make as many options as possible? I cannot say that. And that may be one of the reasons why I feel so unmotivated to continue this project onward, but I will attempt to do so as long as I can. One problem is that no one has any exciting options for me, but if I truly think about it, maybe my lack of motivation in explaining my situation doesn't elicit the response I want. And it's a vicious cycle of I'm not motivated - no one gives me exciting options - I no longer like this trip, etc. A bit of countertransference, in psychoanalytical terms. Oh, and I'm doing homework and catching up on my studies on this trip people - this is beginning to become pathetic, yet fulfilling.

Harrisburg Mall
Required 80 minutes
1: Explore Bass Pro Shops
2: Go to Arcade
3: Watch fish pond
4: Eat a pretzel
5: Read a book at Waldenbooks
6: Go to Toys 'R Us
Result #2
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