Mallrat
Trip Start
Jun 28, 2003
1
13
15
Trip End
Aug 04, 2003
Edmonton,
Alberta,
Canada
Sunday, July 27, 2003
That's my new catch-phrase. Holy Canola! I just like the sound of it. It also helps that for a whole day it seemed like I did nothing but drive by canola fields. Welcome to Alberta. Holy Canola! (I think it's catching on).
I will start with an apology for a glaring omission I made during my last travelogue. Once I had returned to Dawson City from my trip up and down the Dempster Highway I had dinner at Sourdough Joe's Restaurant. The meal was nothing out of the ordinary but they do bake their own sourdough bread and buns. They are very good but the real attraction is their bread pudding. While in Dawson City you must have their bread pudding. I have now commanded it.
Erosion Pillar
Since leaving Whitehorse I haven't done much but drive, drive, drive. I've been taking my time to see various spots along the Alaska Highway that bad weather caused me to miss on the way up. Driving has been my primary activity so this travelogue will be lacking in action. But it won't be lacking it hilarity! The long hours in the car have given me some new insights to car travel. Such as...
90% of all roadside wildlife is crows picking at dead things.
65% of all conversations between campers start with the words, "Don't you worry. She's a good dog."
These are actual scientific facts people! I also made up a joke...
Q: Where does the King of The Beavers live?
A: In the Lodge Mahal.
The rest of my time was spent wondering whatever happenned to Mitsou. Seriously, I think I'm getting lonely. The highlights (and lowlights) on the way home between Whitehorse and Edmonton are as follows:
The Deli (Your Meeting Place) - Whitehorse
I stopped in here for lunch before I left town. This place has the Meatarians Seal of Approval. I had the Workman's Lunch that includes two sausages of your choice (I went with Caribou & Buffalo), a hearty helping of potato salad, and a heap o' sauerkraut
Liard Hot Springs
. A fine meal fit for a burly workman like myself.The Campground at Coal River, BC
I'll never stop there again. At the time it was the most expensive campground I had visited at $18.75 and they didn't include any toilet paper. You had to supply your own. The camping area was in a berry patch that was frequented by bears and the bathroom had all the charm and cleanliness of a 19th century lunatic asylum. If you're driving the Alaska Highway please avoid stopping here.
Liard Hot Springs, BC
It wasn't nearly as busy this time by so I stopped in for a quick soak (free). The water comes out of the ground at 53 degrees Celsius. I dare anyone to try to swim up to the hot spring source. It was painful. The treat of stopping here was noting all the bear warning signs. You see, Kevin Kingdon, the man who successfully challenged me to cross 70 degrees North, once spent a summer in the area doing some wacky geophysics research work. While he was here one of his fellow compadres was involved in a bear attack (he was a victim not a bear) at this very spot. Kevin made sure to send me the news report of the attack to scare the hell out of me
Muncho Lake
.Muncho Lake Provincial Park and Stone Mountain Provincial Park, BC
These parks are even more beautiful in the sunlight. The drive through them is incredible. For my money, this is the best stretch of the Alaska Highway. It's also the places where you will see the most wildlife (not just crows). On the way out I was treated to 5 elk and two large herds of Stone Mountain Sheep. The second herd would allow you to get within about 10 feet of them provided you remained in your car. I got some awesome photos (just not on digital so you'll have to wait).
Night!
The sun actually went down and stayed down on Friday night. It marked the first time I had seen darkness and stars in 23 days. That night I slept in my car on the side of the road 50km out of Fort St. John. I'm hardcore.
The Visitor Centre in Dawson Creek
I had stopped in to use the public bathrooms when I overheard some newly arrived tourists become quite dismayed when they realized that Dawson Creek was not the same as Dawson City
Muncho Lake Again
. They thought they were in the heart of the Klondike until the woman behind the counter pointed out that they were still almost 2000km away from their destination. As soon as I get home I'm getting a job for the Toronto Tourism Board. I can't get enough of people being dumb.The Peace River Valley, Alberta
Alberta Highway #2 makes two incredibly scenic crossings of the Peace River. Those looking for a scenic detour in northern Alberta should check out this road between Rycroft and Peace River. (hint hint lots of wide open canola fields too)
Grimshaw, Alberta
Although this town marks Mile Zero of the Mackenzie Highway leading up into the Northwest Territories it gets a small fraction of the tourist traffic that Dawson Creek, BC does. It's a sad little town. I did run into "The Man Who Didn't Fit In" while I was there. He's some former trapper who now runs the tourist info booth. He's a bit odd. I also checked out the local Antique Truck Museum. The collection is private and considered one of the best in the continent. There is no admission but they'd sure like a donation. And they'll talk your ear off (and try to sell you more and more of there stuff in the gift shop)
Sunset on the Alaska Highway
.Small town names along Highway #2 in Alberta
Just between Peace River and Slave Lake I went through: Guy, Enilda, Faust, Driftpile, and Assineau.
Disaster Strikes!
Well not a real disaster but it's pretty bad -- I ate my last can of Stagg's Private Reserve Chili. I guess I can still get canned chili in a grocery store but this was Private Reserve. You just can't get it anywhere! I'm lucky that my 2nd cousin Festus Hughes marries Luella Stagg, the Colonel's favourite niece.
Lesser Slave Lake
I didn't even know this lake existed. There is a town called Slave Lake on the southeast shore that is the centre of the cottage-like area for Edmontonians. The lake itself is very pretty and shallow enough that the water gets quite warm.
So now I'm in Edmonton. Crazily enough, Edmonton is halfway home. My first taste of "civilization" in quite a while
The Beginning and The End of the Alaska Highway
. And what does a cagey old sourdough once he gets to town after a long time in the bush? He goes to the mall! Yes, I'm currently in the West Edmonton Mall -- The World's Largest Shopping Mall. I had been here four years ago and after that amount of time the WOW factor has time to regroup. This place is still stunning -- stores out the wazoo, olympic-sized hockey rink, hotel, casino, indoor amusement park, indoor waterpark with huge wavepool, driving range, dolphin tank, small lake large enough to hold a replica of the Santa Maria and four small submarines (more submarines than the entire Canadian Navy), 3 different sets of movie theatres, two food fairs, and a larger restaurant area called Bourbon Street. The kicker is that whomever designed the Bourbon Street area has obviously never been to New Orleans before. There isn't one pile of barf on a curbside nor someone passed out in a pool of their own urine. There isn't even a window from where I can purchase a giant rum daiquiri!Really, the only thing this mall is missing is a full-scale working version of Voltron.
I've been here for a few hours. I did some shopping and checked out a movie. I finally broke down and saw "Terminator 3: Rise of The Machines." How completely soul-less this movie was. They should have never done this without James Cameron (or even Linda Hamilton). The only part I liked was the ending so long as they never film another sequel.
What shall I do for a topper on my mall experience? Hmmm... how about dinner at Hooters!
