An epilogue of sorts

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• Entry from Arlington

  Arlington, Virginia, United States
Sunday, September 10, 2006

So here I am. Back in Arlington for two weeks now. My pack still isn't unpacked and I'm just now beginning to let everyone know that I'm back. I admit, I've been somewhat of a hermit these last couple of weeks. But it's not because I don't want to see friends. It's just that I don't think that I'm quite ready to give it all up yet. It's like if I acknowledge that I'm back and start seeing people and doing things that I did before, start picking up life where I left off, then it's really officially once and for all over. And that still feels weird. It's strange to be in familiar places, but not quite fit in them anymore. To look around me, at my friends and other people my age, that are so focused on known goals. Everyone seems to be on some sort of track, to have it all together. I know four people who have gotten married since I've been gone, and a couple others who look like their on that road. I've been living in a world where being with the same person for more than three days was a long time.

Life moves so quickly here. All of a sudden I need a plan, to think about my career. I'm asked where I see myself in five years. It's all rather overwhelming and I'd love to just jump back in time for a little while. But I can't do that, and I know that. So, as I learned to do while travelling, I just suck it up and keeping moving. I have my resume ready and informational meetings set up to start networking. I've traded in my threadbare travel skirt and pack for an interview suit and briefcase, my flip flops for pointy-toed heels. I've cut and dyed my long sun-bleached blonde hair into a professional brunette shoulder-length do with bangs. I still feel like I'm playing dress up and when I look in the mirror I hardly recognize myself, but that's looking professional I guess. And I'm looking at working with women's issues in a non-profit international human rights organization, so I have figured out what I want to do...at least for now. I'm also looking for a place to live in DC, so it's been fun exploring the area again. I do love it here; I still catch my breathe every time I see the Washington Monument lit up at night. And I am getting used to things again, it's just been hard. Every now and then I'll hear a song or a memory will pop up in my head that leaves me aching for that past existance. But I think I'm ready now. I'm ready to face this new adventure that they call 'real life'.

And anyway, I'll be back on the road again someday...