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  Hanoi, Vietnam
Thursday, June 30, 2005

Vietnam. My god. The place has almost worn me down to a shadow of the man I previously was! I'm almost certain there is a secret operation by the communist bastardized goverment here that has decreed that 90% of the Vietnamese must at all times try to piss tourists off as much as is humanly possible. It's a social experiment, it must be! As soon as I step out of the door of my hotel, restuarant or wherever; they're on me. Verbally attacking me - "Hey you motobike", "Cyclo, one hour tour" "Buy fruit mister" usually while blocking my path, grabbing my arm or if I completely ignore them, they might kick me up the arse or ping fags at me! At first I was friendly to all Vietnamese, humouring them and being perfectly civil to all of them. Now, I've discovered this is a very bad idea, if you in anyway interact with them, they will not leave you alone for at least 5 minutes, incessantly questioning you - "where you go" "where you hotel" "how tall you" "how big your feet" FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ANNOYING FREAKS!! The thing is, I seem to get it worse than anyone else I've seen. In a restuarant full of farang, the hawkers will make a beeline straight for my table, and stand there for ten minutes bugging the hell out of me, then leave without accosting any other farang. What is going on here?

But alas, here we are. Still in this godforsaken country. The capital Hanoi is actually a wonderful place. The warren of narrow bustling streets in the ancient 'Old Quarter' is a hive of trade, exotic cuisine and near death experiences with crazy moto drivers. The tree shaded French colonial streets are lined with shops, every single metre of street front is a business. One street sells rope, another silk, another shoes and so on. All very ordered and very communist. The lake in the centre of town is epecially enchanting and early mornings and evenings will find it buzzing with activity, middle aged wimin bouncing to cheesy aerobeats, kids playing badminton, and clandestine lovers smooching. AND ANOTHER THING, the Vietnamese women - they're actually vampires! Most only come out at night, but those venturing into daylight, will cover every part of their body with long gloves, socks, hats, scarves, and thats in the 40 degree heat! Sun is not allowed to touch their skin. This is supposedly to make them more beautiful, but in the day, they look like colourful Kabul residents and in the evenings their skin is a horrible pasty white. They even bleach it to make it more white - FREAKS!

I can only blame myself for being here so long. Nha Trang was impossible to leave. I met some of the best people in my life there. Made so many new friends just from a couple of weeks there that plans are already afoot for more partying back in Europe. The crazy nights of the first week with the Dublin/Enschede/Copenhagen crews were the biggest bender and the best craic you can have with a bunch of people. After the usual rounds in the Guava, The Sailing Club and Why Not? Bars, we could then be found drinking Bia Hoi (50 cents a pint of farty beer on the pavement) into the daylight hours. Then usually for drunken fully clothed splashing in the sea or toyfighting on the beach and tossing moustachioed Irishmen into ponds! Best craic ever folks! Then I met a chick of the one in a million variety who made it even more difficult for me to leave for yet another week! I missed about 10 buses!

The most distressing thing of all, is that we have to wait here ANOTHER WEEK for our Russian Visas to come through. Can you imagine the logistical nightmare of having to deal with the Russian Embassy in a country as communist as this? No - you can't. It's worse than you can ever imagine. I've spent days on the net and in various agencies trying to sort it out and I tentatively went to the Russian Embassy today at 11am. It's only open from 4pm-5pm on Thursdays of-course! The hideously grey, completely unmarked or unsignposted building which took me and my useless moto driver over an hour to find, looked liked it could withstand a sustained US Airstrike and had 3 huge grey spiked and razor wired gates successivley leading to an enormously ugly building that looked like an elaborate prison complex. I'm looking forward to that later!

Just another thought along those lines - I don't think the Americans really knew what they were letting themselves in for when they attacked Vietnam did they? These guys have sucessively defeated the Chinese, the French, the British Royal Marines, the US and all other countries on their borders! Maybe they shouldn't be so hasty in the future eh! I am now finally starting to see why they were so focused on stemming the spread of communism throughout the world though. It would not be a very pleasant or enjoyable place to live in.

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