The Lambs, the Rocks and the Entertainers

January 26th - Australia Day. An official holiday which, once upon a time, was used to praise the day when the British Empire first set foot on the dust in New South Wales and decided it would make a fantastic prison for bread thieves. After the prisoners developed an aversion to the Brits however, it's been used to celebrate all that is Australian which - according to Sam Kekovich at least - is to eat a lot of lamb and drink a lot of beer.

01 Ready to roll

Well I didn't want to break tradition so after some evening celebrations on Thursday table hopping and talking to randoms in the Coogee Bay Hotel (CBH), Emer dragged me out of my bed and we went down to Coogee Bay Road for some Eggs Benedict. I decided I was going to live a little for once, so scrapped the saving for a weekend of frolicking instead. What ensued was a day in the CBH beer garden in the sun, drinking snakebites and watching some bizarre form of Brazilian martial arts where people do cartwheels around each other and play the same drumbeat for hours. There were some fairly cool summersaults and back-flips going on as well to be fair but it couldn't really distract me from the main spectacle - an entire pig on a spit with the meat being savagely cut straight off the carcass. All they needed was a knife made of flint and a mammoth hide for the look to be complete.

02 Me and some random band

After we were well and truly parched, we marched along the street to Five-Os for some lamb shanks and mash, before getting a bottle of Jim Beam and heading home for a quick change.

Out again then to (surprisingly) the CBH for some more drinks and some more chats to random strangers. Restlessness ensued and we realised that it was time to get into the club and see what was going on in there. After sneaking past the bouncers and avoiding the entry fee like a pair of seasoned ninjas, we entered the monolithic 'nightclub' to be faced with a foam party held within blow-up walls. So of course, we dived in only to get soaked with foam and, in Emer's case, trampled on and subsequently attached to a bag of frozen vegetables for the rest of the week.

03 The Patriot

Two hectic evenings then, and couldn't really face a third despite Ian's tempting offer for drinks in the city, so Saturday was spent lounging around and recovering.

I woke up Sunday feeling fresh and reinvigorated, promptly deciding that I would go and explore the city and check out what's 'goin down' in Sydney. Emer agreed to join me on my expedition, so we went to Hyde Park for a brisk stroll, and then made our way over to The Rocks - the oldest part of town. Walking through the various alleys and small roads, we came across a live jazz band who we sat down to watch for a bit when some woman in white jeans rubbed her fat arse all the way down Emer's arm while trying to sit on the step. Emer mumbled her disgust so she could hear. Hilarious.

04 Some crazy jumpabouty thingy

While the band took a break we walked down the rest of the street, bought some old-fashioned lemonade, took a few photos and perused the stalls in the market looking at wire robots, paintings, pottery and kangaroo scrotums among other things. The Rocks is beautiful - a welcome retreat from the modern, commercial CBD - with lots of pedestrianised areas, quaint old pubs, and a variety of fauna. God I sound like Alan Titchmarsh.

We continued from The Rocks down to Circular Key where we spotted a street entertainer just starting up his act so we sat down and watched him for a while. He spent most of the time making jokes and taking the piss out of people that walked by, but by the end of the show I had some serious faceache going on and, after leading up to it forever and a day, he actually did get up on that 9ft unicycle and juggle firesticks. He put on a great show. So after that it was time for a quick pint and some of the biggest potato wedges known to man, before preparing for another week of work.

05 Enthralled by the fireworks

06 Sydney Harbour Bridge

07 The Jazz Band

08 Random Rocks Street

09 Main Thoroughfare

10 The Market