Saying Goodbye, Forever?

Trip Start Jan 10, 2013
Trip End Jun 06, 2013

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Flag of Costa Rica  , Limon,
Saturday, February 2, 2013

Well today is the day. I can no longer put off going back to the sanctuary and keep relaxing in lovely, little Cahuita. If today I can't stay, when there's basically no volunteers, then that's it, I won't be able to come back. To be honest I'm completely expecting that to be the case. actually feel so nervous, it's horrible.

I had a quick breakfast and then got a coffee before I got on the bus. I literally kept almost crying at the thought of not ever seeing Piphany and all the other sloths after today. I got in, feeling nervous as hell and saw Claire and Becky. I chatted with them for a bit and went round the back to find Matt as Missy had left her iPad camera reader with him for me. He wasn't there when I got to the kitchen so I helped with some vegetables. Chris said that they were ridiculously busy with only two of them and she was annoyed they hadn't called me back. There's now 4 of them but Chris and her boyfriend are leaving tomorrow. She told me that my poor clinic sloth was probably going to die today :( She was totally fine when I left and actually seemed way better. Chris was really upset with Marcelo because she said he hadn't really done anything about it. He told me later that he had no idea what was wrong with her and that because they have only very basic equipment and can't do tests he wouldn't be able to do anything to help her. So sad! Poor thing.

After I was walking to go and see Judy I saw Primo on the path. He said Judy had sent him to talk to me. He said that Judy told him that there were loads of volunteers coming tomorrow and that they wouldn't have space for me...He said that he loved my work on the project and that he really wanted me to stay but that Judy didn't need me. It's all just a bit confusing to be honest. Marcelo said to me later, when I was helping him change Miss Vickies bandages, that him and Primo both wanted me to stay, Rolo also asked why I was going he said I worked harder than anyone and cared so much. In a perfect world I would love to have stayed and just been Marcelo's assistant and just look after the sloths permanently. But obviously this is not my decision to make. I guess I just have to hope Judy might message me...

So once again I have to let something I love, something I probably love more than I've loved anything, go. I really felt so at home there and honestly wished I could have stayed forever, I loved the work and obviously loved the sloths. I know I'm good with them, I know that I'm good at the veterinary stuff even when I've had no training. And now I know I'll probably never see them again. I went in to say bye to Piphany, I love all of the sloths but I've always adored her. It sounds ridiculous but it was almost like she knew I was going, she was really agitated and kept trying to hold on to me, it was literally killing me and making it even harder to go. As much as I am devastated by Gigia's death, this is the one time I've been glad he's not here anymore. It would have destroyed me to leave him. I went and said goodbye to him where he's buried under a mango tree in tears.

So now I feel horrendous and I'm heading back to Cahuita to leave for San Jose. I made it back to Cahuita and kept listening to non-sad music so I didn't throw myself in front of a bus. I went for lunch at the chocolate place, which was amazing! Then I just chilled till I went to San Jose. I think being further away and not 30 seconds from the sanctuary will help. Especially as I'm going to be to be diving every day. I know this whole thing probably seems ridiculous, I think I sound ridiculous sometimes. But to me it was so much more than an experience, it was somewhere I really felt at home, doing something I imagined I could do for the rest of my life and with something that made me so inexplicably happy. So there you go.

I was so tired when I got to San Jose and it's bloody freezing! Ok it's 20 degrees but honestly it feels so cold. When I got to my usual hostel I saw I had some absolutely lovely messages from some of the girls who I volunteered with which really sweet and didn't necessarily make me feel better about it all but I really appreciated the support. So bed time on a really horrible day. Can I just rewind to August last year please?
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Hannie on

:( Rrr babe, thinking of you. If you're really this dedicated are there any other sanctuarys you could volunteer/work at in the future, maybe not just for sloths but it's obviously what you love doing. I just think if you have so much passion and love for that kind of work, can you not pursue another opportunity elsewhere?!? x x

blondesontour on

Thanks hun :) yes I could probably volunteer somewhere but it's hideously expensive. The working thing would be an issue because I have zero qualifications. I could probably get away with it in a developing country, but who knows. I was debating taking some vet assistant courses at home, so we'll see. As you well know I adore most animals but its all about the sloths. I'm sure I would love it just as much if it were other animals but I guess we'll have to see :S thanks for your support though :) really appreciate it! I guess ill have to see what happens next and what I'm going to do xxx

Missy on

You would love Pam and Batreach in Oz.
You stay for $50 PER WEEK in her home and the animals are fantastic. Plus you get your own project animal and you have a bit more homey feel than in CR since you stay in her loft. Tell her I sent you. ;)

blondesontour on

Wow that is pretty cheap and bats are cool (expect the psycho bat at the sanctuary ha). Dunno if I'll be able to afford it when I get home in June though :( flights are like £1200+... But I'll def look into it, thanks! Xxx

jess on

Hey moo, so sorry to learn that I know that must suck so much :( hope youre ok and feel better soon. Make sure you throw your all into rest of trip. Stay safe and have fun x

Simmy on

Aww, you brought tears to my eyes :( So sorry that you couldn't stay on, you're obviously completely in love with this job. Everything happens for a reason and things will work out how they're meant to (as cheesy as that may sound). The vet courses at home sound like a perfect idea! xx

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