Sweet Home Alabama!

Trip Start May 08, 2006
Trip End Mar 07, 2007

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Flag of United States  , Alabama
Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Well Birmingham isnt that sweet but I had to say it.

Now i know
i said that I was going to Greensbow Alabama. But as far as i could
tell, there isnt a Greensbow Alabama. After conducting research I found
out that in the book Forrest Gump, it was actually set in Mobile
Alabama. It seemed more of a coastal town so i avoided going. Also in
the book Forrest goes to space and uses prostitutes, swears alot and I
dont think he has a son and I think Jenny gets married some other guy
and dosen't die. So its not as Hollywood as the movie. Forrest in the
book is more like the real Alabama.

I got the bus from Savannah around 8pm and sat next to my
Bubba. He was a 3rd league NFL player (a receiver) who had a book on a
player he said was the greatest of all time. Some guy called Rice. The
nicest person I have sat next to on the bus so far. He was heading down
to Birmingham to see his "little lady". When he asked where I was from
and I said I was from Australia, he then said "ohh thats the country
where you get all those nudy channels" I then proceeded to explain to
him that no that is europe and we only really have 3 channels. He then
said "Ohh it must be cold down there". I then explained that it was
below Indonesia and its hot right now. I dont think he had ever heard
of a degrees celsius. Some people just have no idea!

My bus was awful. It was an 8 hour trip, but was turned into a
13 hour one with "layovers". I had a layover from 1:30 in the morning
till 4:30 in Atlanta. The worst possible time in the world.  The seats
in the greyhound stations are this painful metal. And your lucky to
even get a sleep. Atlanta is one of a handful of stations that has a tv
in it. I watched some crappy Vin Diesel movie. America has the worst
bus system in the world. Greyhound has these terribly designed buses
with high windows and skinny arm rests so you cant lean your elbow on
anything. And an 8 hour trip becomes a 13 hour one with 8 stops,
meaning the bus driver turns on the lights and yells out "Get off the
damm bus fool, its cold" 8 times. The bus driver will also spend half
an hour after pickup of a person explaining every rule in the book.
Yelling out each rule in a threatening way and explaining after each
rule that he or she will kick your damm ass off the bus. Sometimes they
explain that they know karate or that they are just insane and want to
hurt somebody who messes with them. If you ask a question about
anything, that just click it. "Just get on the damm bus!" Thats just
the bus drivers. I will explain the passengers and the baggage system
another day....

Ive realised the South of the states is like the west of
Sydney... Bogans! people without teeth and mullets. Therefore I fit in

In fact Birmingham is almost identical to Campbeltown. For
those that do not know Campbeltown. Its referred to as Campberhole, or
Shambletown.  I arrived in Birmingham and checked into the cheapest
motel i could find. I was so tired and was in agony with an infected
wisdom tooth so i slept the entire day away. There was absolutely
nothing to do in Birmingham apart from sit in the motel and watch cable
tv. But i love cable tv. Its hard to decide between simpsons, Seinfeld,
family guy, futurama or scrubs, all on at the same time. I had a crappy
room with a broken remote and a broken up button on the tv, so i could
only go down. Was so frustrating!

I walked around at night, looking for a pub or something.
There is nothing around. You would thing every city or town in america
would have a maccas and everything you could imagine. But they dont!
Its all about 5 ks out of town. At huge megamalls. Theres also no
grocery stalls around at all. You might get lucky and find a petrol
station. Its just crazy. If you dont have a car and a laptop in the
states, your stuffed. Theres no internet, and no where close by to get

The next day proved this. I checked out of my hotel. The bus
to New Orleans was at night. I went to put my bag in the lockers at the
Greyhound but they were all broken, so i went to the visitors center
and they didnt want to help, so i went to the library to use the
internet and they wouldnt let me in with my bag because they dont allow
"clothes" to be taken inside. So very wierd. I ended up just sitting in
the greyound station for 7 hours. With all the homeless people.
Greyhounds are like the homeless shelters of the states, and when you
have a beard and a mullet you just get mistaken for one of them. Every
hour or so the police will come past and wake you up and check you have
a ticket and kick the bums out for a bit. Its like school. The police
are viscous. If there is no seats left and you sit in a quiet area on
the ground, instead of going hey buddy you cant sit there, they go
"Stand the F*(K up!"  and you crap yourself.

So many weird ass rules in the states. Im getting this
impression of the states thats like a Michael Moore impression. Its
very stuffed up and it just seems to be getting worse! Its a fast food
nation with no healthy foods available, the poor are all black people
or mexcians (90%) and everyone is very suspicious and no one wants to
help anyone.

But i still like it!

And now i can say ive been to ALABAMA!
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