Take Me home Country Roads

Trip Start May 08, 2006
Trip End Mar 07, 2007

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Where I stayed
The Baker House

Flag of United States  , California
Friday, February 16, 2007

Almost Heaven... North Panania
Blue Ridge Mountains, Bakers House and the Georges River...
Life is old there. Older than the trees.
Younger than the mountains, blowing wind through Revesby...

How good is John Denver! As you can see. I have a lot of time to sit and go insane and listen to the same songs on my mp3 over and over again and change the words to those songs. I can now sing Robbie Williams "Rock DJ" word for word... Scary....

I should have titled this entry - Why not to Go Greyhound!
This East Coast - West Coast trip was something out of a National Lampoons - Griswald Vacation. It involved a dog in a bag, a blizzard, a breakdown, a man being arrested, and a homeless korean lady singing me lullabies. A 2 day 20 hour journey became a 89 hour journey taking up 4 nights and 5 days.

Now going from East coast to West by bus is just insane. Like the aussie guy Murray I met in Nashville said. Its like just deciding to get a bus from Sydney to Perth... but more! I would never ever even think of doing that back home. But for some reason it doesnt seem that far anymore. Its only 2 days and a bit i thought. Easy! I will sleep most of it and save on accomodation. I have been having this weird feeling latley, that im like some sort of experiment  like the Truman show or something.... After this greyhound journey Im really starting to believe it.
I shall begin.
It all began well from Charlotesville. Left at 10pm. I fell asleep immediatley, getting 2 seats to myself, sleeping through all the little stops and waking up in the morning at Nasville. Got some breakfast and hoped on the next 8 hour trip or so to St Louis. Slept a bit more. Got to St Louis. 1 hour layover. Easy, got some food. Hmmm my bag must of been sitting in a puddle or something... All my clothes were drenched inside my back. Thats ok i thought. These things happen. It turned out to be a bad omen. There were loads of people waiting for the next bus.  I  wasnt worried because if there is too many people waiting, they just run an extra bus. Its good to get on the second bus because everyone crams on the first one. So i let all the impatient people through. Old ladys knock you over and people who were behind you suddenly are in front of you. Before I know it Im the 2nd last in line. Getting up to the bus and im told it is full and to wait until the next one. Me and 1 other guy missed it. There was a 6 hour wait! Blowing up! because it meant I missed all my connections and everything. Was also blowing up because my bag had been getting wet on the ride and all my clothes were drenched with stinky water. This 1 event set of a cataclismic chain of events that would change the entire course of history!

So im waiting. It turns out the other guy who is waiting has a dog. A chiwawa in a bag. I dont know how but this dog liked sitting in this back pack with its head sticking out. This guy ends up getting kicked out of the station for having a dog. Then he has no money and tries to get his mum to wire money to the station. I somehow get tangled up in it all because he doesnt have photo id and you need photo id to pick it up. I shouldnt have befriend the chiwawu! The station has no money to give so he and the dog our out in the cold. He devised a plan for me to smuggle the dog on board. I almost went along with it then chicken out. In the end after 8 hours of waiting we finally got on a bus and headed west. A right cuffufle!

I ended up sitting next to a homeless 60 year old korean lady who smelt like old bird seed and who was also asking me for money earlier. I dont know how she got money for the bus trip. She stunk so bad, I was literally dry heaving. It was alwful. I somehow fell asleep but was awoken by the korean lady singing me lullabies (in korean). She apparently used to be a cabaret singer at one point.
A guy was kicked of the bus at one of the stops. The police were waiting for him. I think they ended up arresting him. All he was doing was talking. But the Greyhound bus drivers are strung up so tight that you cant do anything.

I was almost brought to tears when the bus driver said that we had to stop in a place called Salina in Kansas because of a blizzard ahead. Some parts of the states had just gotten 14 feet of snow.
Our bus stopped and we were told there was at least a 24 hour wait. I was stuck with the korean lady! The place we stopped at wasnt that bad. Half the people went out and paid for hotels. I was tight and decided to sleep the night on the bus next to the korean lady. The place the bus stopped was like a huge 7-eleven type thing. There was a drivers lounge with a tv and movies. These stupid fat people wouldnt stop talking the entire time and smoking away. Then the tv turned to porn and it was the most awkward moment of my life. No one would change it and i was sitting there watching porn with this old fat black lady saying to me "uh huhh, ohh yeah, you like that dont you - why dont you strip down for all of us" She kept singing its getting hot in here and trying to make all the guys take their clothes off until one by one
they all left including myself. I think because of her i spent 10 dollars playing Big Game Hunter.

 Greyhound was so tight. All they gove us was a 5 dollar voucher to spend on food. People were blowing up. Somehow the homeless korean lady didnt stop eating. I think because she just annoyed the crap out of everyone until they gave her quarters.

The blizzard lifted, and at 3am the bus left.  Then the bus broke down.... People went from angry to bezerk and i was still stuck next to the birdseed lady.    
Another bus came along after a few hours. I hitched a ride. Ended up getting back on the old schedule. A day and a bit behind. Never to see the homeless lady again!! But i could still smell her! The smell of her and the smell of Vietnamese rice wine will haunt me to the day I

 I ended up making it to San FranCisco after 5 days without changing clothes or brushing my teeth. I ended up smelling of a mix of sweat and old bird seed. The funny thing was I felt rejuvanated after the journey. I did sleep almost the entire time. I read an entire book (the children of men - crap book) and I have successfully mastered bus sleeping and have successfully mastered the art of checking out of my brain entirely.

In the sounds of National Lampoons....
Holiday wooooo ooo ooooo oooo ooo ooo. Holiday wooo ooo ooooo oo oooo oo oo....

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