Rock bottom

Trip Start Sep 01, 2010
Trip End Dec 01, 2010

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Where I stayed

Flag of Indonesia  , West Nusa Tenggara,
Friday, October 1, 2010

Ok, I think this is a good time to write an entry as everything previously has seemed eerily perfect accroding to this blog, and I am officially at rock bottom. Or at least I hope so, because I wouldn't want things to get any lower. Gotta stay positive and yell "Hooray!" because it's all uphill from here but at least it will make for a funny story, and i'm sure at some point i'll be laughing too...(actually i think that point does come at the end of the story) After having my first fresh water shower in 7 days here on Lombok, I thought the worst of it was over. After mercilessly burning the candle at both ends (with tons of diving, yoga, and dinners out...constant activity) I reached a point of exhaustion on Gili T that i have never reached before in which I could no longer physically walk. Not being one to ruin anyones fun, or miss out on it myself, I pushed it till the point where I was sitting in a restaurant ordering food off the late night menu and going back and forth between crying and falling asleep, too tired to even chew the sandwich I ordered. Ryan had to go get a horse and cart to bring me back to the hotel or i would have happily slept in the gutter. (he found me in the dark asleep on a couch...sad yes?) the next day, I was pretty haggard, but slowly, found some energy at which point i proceeded to go on a sunset hike, and out to a nice dinner. (Really more of a slope than a hike. about 300 stairs. I had to send everyone to the top of the hike, but 10 minutes later i arrived to the beautiful view) We went to on to one of the "nicest restaurants on the island" called Scallywags which is exactly what the Fish salesman who told me Coral Trout is local and fresh is, because shortly after, I had food poisening. (Coral trout is not local to lombok) I stopped at the internet and if you read my last few tags for the photos of the last entry, this is me entering a tail spin...I spent a sleepless night running back and forth to the bathroom, which is located next to the compressor for the scuba tanks and measures in at about 110 degrees, and smells like tar. the next morning, every symptom that had been building for the last three days hit with full force. Stuffy nose, sore throat and the condition in which I suspect my snorkle mask was sucking my eyeballs out, became so bad i could only open one eye and had to turn my whole body to look at anything that wasnt directly in front of my face. but after taking numerous packets of herbs ryan aquirred during his bout of bali belly, i was packed and on my feet with the profuse sweating and staggering being the only thing giving me away.

the rest is a blur, and not worth mentioning at this time but we made it to Kuta lombok 5ish hours later, and i proceeded to melt into the sorriest lump of lonely homesick mess you can imagine. I laid in bed while ryan snoozed contentedly beside me, feeling like i was in summer camp in 2nd grade when i cried to my counselor and she sat me down to explain what being "home sick" was. Well, I now know this feeling better than i ever have before. I laid there wimpering and thinking about home. i miss my friends. my family. Charlie. (Charlie! Charlie! more tears). I miss Tillamook Cheddar cheese and Spicy mustard. I miss riding in cars, and sidewalks, and whole foods, and Brie, oh cheese! Florida orange juice, and my bed. my wave, my plants...assorted beers. the list goes on. I finally drifted into a dreamland of American Commercial products and awoke spent, unable to speak or eat. In a halfhearted attempt to bring myself out of it as opposed to sinking further and further into a deep dark hole like I wanted to, I agreed to wake up and accompany Ryan (or maybe least punish us both with my miserable presence to make myself feel better) to find Mauwi beach which supposed to be quite nice.

 I closed my eyes and barely held on knowing that soon, i would sleep in the shade, listen to music, cool off in the sea, be around surfing, read Walden, and find a happier place. After getting lost a few times, it started to occur to me this road to paradise was not going to be easy. As for the roads in lombok, they were paved once in 1962 (not actual fact) and have been thus left to crumble. My sick stomach and i held on, and we bumped along on the motorbike from hell at a crawling pace. My tailbone felt like it was about to poke through the skin and a voice in my head that i have ingored before said "Berit. Tell Ryan to stop and let you off the bike. Tell him you need to stand and rest for a moment before you continue" But as in the past the stubborn capercorn said, "We're almost there! just hang on a little bit longer!" and of course, we were almost there.

 around the next corner the huts were visible and as we pulled in i was ready to dive and roll...the next sequence of events is priceless. the bike sinks as ryan turns in sand, there is a pause which i can only think means exit the bike. as i shift my weight to the high side to look for a place to step....singe....a familiar feeling of flesh and hot metal. Yes. I proceeded to burn my calf on the exhaust of the first bike we've rented with an exposed pipe. On top of that...the new scar will be directly over the identical scar from Thanksgiving 5 years ago from my dads harley. I screamed, sprung from the bike, threw my helmet somewhere and fled unable to see anything to a dark little corner where i collapsed and sobbed yet again. This time however i was fianally able to utilize full volume.

 Hands down the best cry I've had in years. Drooling, snotting, was awesome. Ryan sat helplessly a few meters away probably wishing he could go surf already, but not wanting to be too insensitive...He feels its best to let me work it out which is probably wise, because I'm sure he would only end up a punching bag. (maybe I need to invest in an actual punching bag) He did his best to comfort me and i did my best not to deck him (really Im aware none of this is his fault) and I sat there thinking about that time in college when i was on crutchs for three days and had to bite a towel on the floor of the shower while my mom cleaned the burn and scrapped the top layer off for proper healing. And just when i needed a mom more than anything, two decended upon me like angels. Amy from Austalia brought my a block of ice and some antiseptic wipes and listened to my tail of woa while giving encouraging stories of how we've all been there and it's al going to be ok. Meanwhile an indonesian mother with her little son sat on my towel pressed up against me with her hand on my knee while she fed her boy. It was at this point when i looked out over the ocean with clear eyes and had my ah ha moment...So this is what they mean when they look at you with that glint in their eye and say "three months in paradise? it won't be easy" How True....How True. Suddenly I felt like the giant Banana tree in my backyard at home who spends weeks sending up this giant shoot and then in about five mintutes unfurles a beautiful fresh green palm leaf.
Pain...Growth...Perserverance...everything is going to be ok. I even got back on that bike (i was sure i was getting a taxi home) and we began the ride home. The closing phase of this ordeal came when we pulled over to take the first picture in days and I opened my bag to find that my entire bottle of hand sanitzer had emptied into my backpack. I threw everything down with a curse or a few and threw my hands up and surrendered myself to the Gods. "WHY!?! OK! I'm DONE! That's enough already up there. We're done with bad luck. Got it? ENOUGH!!" and i think they really heard me. It looked like it was going to rain...but now the sky is blue. the hand sanitizer final brought me to the final phase of any horrible experiance. Being able to laugh.  no pictures. im spent. pizza.
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Mom on

My heart is breaking.........get some rest sweetheart. That is what you
need. I miss you so much.

Brooke on

I agree with mom...sleep, sleep, sleep, lounge, take it easy. I know how you love your sleep and you sound sound so busy no wonder you are physically (emotionally) exhausted!! I wish I had been there to give you a big hug. This is a normal feeling to have beeing in a foreign country with all the unfamiliar. Not to mention your brain is taking in so many new things so take it easy a few days. Meditate, find a spa, yoga, get something that reminds you of home...I miss you so much!!! Tomorrow we are going to San Diego for a week for vacation. We love you tons! MWAH. By now, I hope you are feeling better. I bought Abby's halloween costume. She is Super Girl with a cape. It is really cute. ok, gotta go but love you!

Mom on

Maybe you have mono. It sounds like it. Were you kissin' yo sista?
She had it you know.

Kimberly on

Great post. Love hearing the "real" of it. I always feel so confused when vacations are hard and I find myself missing my regular life! xoxo

beritjansen on

Hi! so, Mom don't worry. Everything is totally fine now. Leg is not great, but healing and we are at desert point waiting for waves that are supposed to come in tues or wed we checked into the nicest hotel for miles. The only place here with AC, they have American TV in the restaurant and we've been watching discovery channel a lot and there's a tv and dvd player in the room, so i've just been laying in a king sized bed with everything i need in reach watching shrek and girly movies. I think a few days of vegging is all I needed. it's all good!

Mom on

Sounds like just what the doctor ordered!

edward on

I hope you are feeling better!!

I love it though, totally making a movie of this scene when you get back!!
Keep that spirit high, and reflection will be a time filled with plenty laughs.

Peace, and be safe


Mom on

For Gods sake, do a new entry already! You can't leave it like this for tooo
long.........let's have some happy talk.

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