Ok, only Masquerades

  Phuket, Thailand
Friday, June 19, 2009

Thailand

We arrived in Thailand around 10pm on Saturday.  As we made our way from the gate through customs and past baggage claim we entered the “tunnel”, you know the kind at a football game, a premier, or the red carpet for the academy awards.  As we paraded through the tunnel, people offered us hotels and a free ride to their hotel, wow what service!  Was this the service we should come to expect from Thailand?  We had booked a hotel called Gold Silver Gardens, and that is what my focused eye searched the crowd for.  A man approached us holding a sign that said Golden Flower Gardens and he almost fooled me into leaving with him, then I realized that the name was similar but not exact.  We soon found our man, waited for ten to fifteen minutes and left for our hotel.  The first night, Saturday night, in Thailand was uneventful as we were tired from the day’s travels.  After enjoying our first English television in over two weeks, CNN International, we fell asleep.
 

Thailand

Day two, which is Sunday (up until now, days of the week had no real meaning or importance), started with more CNN, which mostly caught up on the latest in Tehran.  Then we hopped in a taxi for Bangkok.  One of our primary goals in Thailand is to obtain our visitor visas so we are legal when we go back to Taiwan.  This may sound simple but it takes more foresight and preparation than one would expect.  We met a Canadian, who lives in our apartment building, who also just returned from the Philippines where he applied for the same visa we were applying for and was denied.  This means he will have only 30 days and then have to leave the country for a visa run and return having to repeat the process every thirty days. We dropped the visas off on Monday and decided to head to Phuket for a beach getaway to return to Bangkok Friday and pick up the “hopefully” approved visas.
 

Thailand

We took an overnight train from Bangkok to Surat Thani, woke up to catch a bus to Phuket Island and to Phuket City where we would bargain with the local minibus service to take us to Patong Beach where we would spend the next three days.  I mentioned to Tania that if this all works out I should join some sort of logistical dream team.  The overnight train was pretty nice, comfortable; we woke to the cell phone alarm at 3:45 when we were scheduled to get off.  This was to be tricky because we had no idea what stop was ours and we only had a minute or two to get off at each stop, so if we missed it I would have to logistically maneuver us back and who knows what would have happened then.  We boarded the bus to Phuket around 7:30 and left promptly.  It seemed as though it was going to be a pleasant ride to the island but turned out being a hold on for your life, bus almost tipping over around corners roller coaster ride.  Tania loves theme parks and all the rides that go along with them, I don’t.  But, somehow I enjoyed and felt less nervous on the bus than she, although at times I did wonder whether our driver had not slept the night prior and had consumed a bit too much alcohol.  We made several stops and it seemed as though the bus we boarded was a mix between a tourist transporter, a school bus, and a local public transportation service.  I thought the best of it and soon, 4 ½ hours later, we arrived on Phuket City and it was pouring.  We were nicely greeted with the minibus team telling us the rates; we bargained and hopped in the minibus with four Australians.  Our minibus was full so I opted to take the front seat next to the driver, since it was the only one left, and we were off.  The venture to Patong Beach was only about five miles, five mountainous miles.  Everything was kosher until we had to descend.  Soon after we hopped in I do the usual: check my surroundings which include inspecting the cleanliness of the car, and observe objects in the car itself.  Along with every other questionably Buddhist cab driver in Thailand he had a little Buddha super glued to the dashboard, no big deal there.  But, to my surprise there was a box of new brake pads on the seat next to me.  I thought, oh good they maintain their vehicles in a meticulous fashion here on Phuket Island.  Then we approached an intersection where numerous scooters and vehicles alike were stopped and this driver was forced to use the brakes, instead of the now dreadfully noticeable downshifting tactic he previously used to reduce speed.  The squawking noise made everyone in the car aware, as was I, that these brake pads sitting next to me were not used for preventative maintenance.  We then joked of it until we all were holding on to each other as we descended a large winding road, far above the speed limit and weaving into the oncoming lanes because he couldn’t slow down fast enough  with a steel to steel grind.  It was risky but I would glance back, afraid I may lose sight of my impending doom, several times to check the pulse of my co-passengers.  Their faces mirrored that of mine. Somehow we made it down the hill without our pulsed going through the roof of this casualty causing doom wagon.  We checked into our hotel.
 

Thailand

The days that followed were devoted to growing the size of our stomach, becoming psychologically linked to the English version of Aljazeera, and one day of almost blistering sun (sunburn) on Patong beach.  This of course includes the major charade that will probably prevent us from returning to Thailand, its constant push of useless, cheap merchandise, and I don’t mean the harmless Mexican touristy town’s version.  This is something of a whole new caliber to which I had not experienced.  The people were constantly lying, tricking, and starting negotiations at ridiculous figures in hopes of getting 10% of their original offer.  If they do, they thank you and start fresh with someone new.  I read about this on the internet and in travel books prior to visiting Thailand but could not prepare myself for the wrath of blatant sex offerings (in front of Tania nonetheless, and with 5 X 7 laminate menus for me to choose from), custom suits for less than $100 that would be tailor made, a guy telling us about a fake ceremony that would prevent us from going down certain streets and we would have to get into their taxi to prevent trouble, and at every stand each keeper would say the word “watches” as we walked by the large display of watches pointing to them as if I were too much of an idiot to see that yes, there were watches and notice on my arm that, “OH” I have no watch and thank goodness this gentleman pointed them out because if he hadn’t I would not have known what they were. And if I were kind enough to stop and talk and listen to them patiently, which happened way more times than Tania could stand, I would kindly decline the watches and tell them I don’t wear a watch and then he would offer me “DVD sex”, at this point I walk away continuing down the street about 10 ft. to the next person who viewed the entire incident and thought he would be more skilled in pointing to his watches and try to get me to do the whole charade again, AAAHHHHH!. Get us out of Thailand and back to Taiwan where people are actually willing to help you instead of lie cheat and steal in order for you to get in their taxi! What a joke. The cherry on the sundae of not so tantalizing Thailand is the parade of young Thai hookers wondering the streets in the wee hours of the morning and during the day with obviously older and foreign men.  We even witnessed exchanges of funds after a sale, eeuuhhh.  Then as we left Phuket, the bookstore in the airport had books about this moral dilemma and books on “How to find and enjoy girls in Thailand”, it is pretty sad and the poverty is shocking.  And on top of everything the king likes to have his picture EVERYWHERE.   I am not sure if this is to remind his citizens of what a horrible king he is as they are begging in front of gold laden castles.  Oh, and we viewed a movie in one of the theaters and we had to stand and give our respects to his majesty during a 3 minute video showing pictures of him during his younger years, boy he has done something with his land, what a reign.
 I have always been open to other cultures and, as it may not sound, I did the same this time.  The only difference is the result, the intake of a culture that my body morally gagged on and Thailand continued to force its inedible culture down our throats until we vomited.  We even tried to leave early by moving our flight up a day!  Since this is a travel blog, you may be interested in going to Thailand and if you do I would say you probably can enjoy it.  Fly into Bangkok but don’t leave the airport and get a transfer to a secluded beach that is not a very touristy place and since the land is so beautiful and the beaches clean and water that perfect shade of blue, you may just have a great time and not have to puke, too.