Beverly Hills. That's where I... wanna be?

  Beverly Hills, California, United States
Friday, July 18, 2008

The first thing I wanted to do when I woke up was throw on one of Dick's expensive bath robes and take a stretch outside overlooking the valley.

Feel that breeze

You just don't see this every day, and what better way to take that moment to the max than to not tie your robe and let it all hang out? Renee and I knew how rare this was, so it was time to break out the camera. After all, what man hasn't dreamt about a morning stretch outside in the nude? The photo shoot was quickly over when Dick shouted, "Good morning, guys!"

A delicious breakfast and three cups of coffee later, we were headed out to Hollywood.

Which way down Wilshire?

Wilshire Boulevard has always confused me, so I think it took us twice as long to get there. We had two goals for Hollywood: Chris Farley's star, and purchasing obnoxiously-cheap retro clothing for Renee.

My goal of the day

I had remembered the time 12 years prior when my father had taken me about as far up to the front of the Hollywood sign as you could get by car. Not this time. Time was money, and we wanted to taste the good life.

Beverly Hills is one of those places where it is exactly like what you hear it is. Prada, Gucci, Ferrari, wealthy noses up in the air at the passers by, you name it. No joke, I once saw a Mont Blanc pen in a store on Rodeo Drive selling for $18,000. The saleswoman at the counter told me, "It never runs out of ink." I still have yet to figure out how that's possible. You simply cannot go to the Hills without checking out Rodeo Drive and what the latest and greatest expensive boutique shop is.

Just feeling richer

All the while, I was yapping on about how we could never afford anything on this street ever. But moments later, I saw a sign that said "GRAND CLOSING - 75% OFF!" I couldn't resist. We walked in, and five minutes later, I walked out with a fresh Italian suit for $400. My first and only purchase from Rodeo Drive. There, I can say I did it. I was trying to explain the magnitude of this situation to Renee.

After going into Beverly Hills for the day, I had to rinse off all that money from my body. It was starting to feel a little dirty. Off the top of my head, I think we counted 19 Bentleys and 10 Ferraris. We hadn't yet utilized Dick's pool like it deserved to be.

Dip in the pool

We capped off the night with another satisfying feast and some laughs with Dick and Merrilyn. Dick pulled the infamous "I'm going to go inside for a minute" line. Sure, Dick, see you tomorrow morning.

The next morning, we had planned on an early departure for the San Diego Zoo. However, Dick wasn't about to let us out of there without a game of his favorite sport, Cornhole. My first reaction was "How does Dick even know about Cornhole?" When I think about this game, I think drunk, college tailgaters tossing beanbags wildly off-target at a hole on a plank before the big football game. Dick is almost 80 years old. "You been sneaking over to those UCLA tailgates, Dick?"

Cornhole with Dick

"BLAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAH! I WISH!" He would reply. I am reluctant to say, but he and Merrilyn absolutely embarrassed us out there. Dick was hitting 4 and 5 in a row, in consecutive games. Amazing. Look at this guy go. We were just mystified the whole drive to the San Diego Zoo. Meanwhile, Dick's smile was just a little brighter throughout the day, and that was cool with us.