The longest flight of the three

Trip Start Mar 06, 2005
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Trip End May 27, 2005


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Thursday, May 5, 2005

On the flight from Lima to Amsterdam, there was an elderly Hungarian lady sitting next to me. I knew she was Hungarian because she was speaking Hungarian to one of her travelling companions a few seats away. I addressed her in Hungarian, asking her "Are you Hungarian?" She answered, "Yes. But how did you know?" She thought I could tell just by looking at her, but it was, as you guessed, the fact that she spoke Hungarian that tipped me off. When the stewardess (I forgot what they are now called during these politically correct times - is it "actor"?) came around with the drinks, the little old Hungarian lady turned to me and asked me if I could help her order her beverage as she could not speak a word of any other language besides Hungarian. So I started translating the names of the beverages for her: "Okay, they have viz (water), cola (cola) and . . ." She replied "I don't want any of THAT! Get me a sor (beer)!"

When we arrived at the airport in Amsterdam, the line of people getting off of the plane was a bit slow. Looking over the heads of the people ahead of me in the gangway leading from the plane to the airport, I could see a sizeable man standing in the way, slowing down the progress of the passengers trying to enter the airport. I thought to myself "Why doesn't he just get out of the way?!" Well, it turns out that he was there for a reason: He was managing the drug-sniffing dog as it sniffed all of the passengers and their carry-on baggage. This was no doubt related to the fact that the plane was coming from South America. After I successfully passed the sniffer dog, I was still in a state of thinking "Wow, I can't believe that . . ." At that point, we came to another queue where, believe it or not, each and every passenger was body-searched. When the security officer found a pouch under my shirt, he thought he was on to something. Well, all he found was my hidden passport and plane tickets. (Too bad he didn't find the little notepad that I lost in Porto Alegre! I would have given him my stash of drugs for that!)

So, to conclude, if any of you are thinking of smuggling drugs from South America to Europe via Amsterdam, then forget about it. They're going to get you! The Dutch were quite polite about the whole thing, though. When they didn't find the drugs that I didn't have, they didn't assume that I was a good drug hider - like the Australian authorities did on my first and last trip to Australia a few years back. (A tip to the Australian customs officers: If a person is not carrying drugs, then he is not a drug smuggler - no matter how much you might want him to be. So do it the Dutch way and you can still win friends while keeping drugs out of your country.)
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