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  Kochi, Kerala, India
Monday, January 5, 2009

Bang. I am a man of contrasts and juxtapositions, if I do say so myself, and to represent this in my travelling I have made a major change to the plans that I may or may not have communicated to some of you.  I have hit the South. I've hit it square in its ridiculous Portugeuse face.  Got a domestic flight from Delhi (yes, some of you may turn your noses up at the thought of flying within a country with such an extensive rail system that is an attraction in itself.... But the rail journey was sold out long before I had conceived of this travel detour - I have a train back though, it takes over 48 hours!), which went very smoothly, apparantly the company I flew with do not have the most attractive saftey records, so 'twas nice to touch down on an airstrip, pretty much on time, rather than a small village in the sticks, and then burn to death.  I got the idea to check out the south from talking to Anna in my first few days in India, she spoke of it favourably and I started doing some research and here I am. The plan now is to bus it up the west coast, with a few inland digretions, ending up at Hampi, before returning to Delhi (by then it will be like an old friend, an old noisy stinking twat of a friend).  Beat that sunshine.

Fort Kochin, or Cochin as its sometimes spelt, is big with the travellers and with the familys, probably because of its beautiful setting, interesting history, and baking hot sun.  It was invaded by the portugeuse ages ago, medievil times I reckon (I've got all the facts as you can tell), then, (I am speeding this up a little, I'm not here to teach, google it if you want more detail) the Dutch turned up and took over, then, they gave it to the British, Then I arrived.  We promptly, and with stiff upper lip, dredged the bay and made an artificial island out of all the crap and installed a rail system.  Thats what we do.

The place is an amazing mix of Portugeuse, Dutch, British, India and a little bit of Jewish architechture.  Christian iconography sits along side images of Shiva and Vishnu, auto-rickshaws speed by with "Praise Jesus" written across them, the place is covered in churches and there are Indian women dressed as nuns with crucifixes round there neck that all look like Mother Teresa and the other day I was standing outside a Synogogue in Jew Town, surrounded by people selling spices from garages.

Have done a lot of wandering about, really drinking the place in like a fine wine, I don't like wine, it makes my face turn red and I get drunk incredibly fast, like after a few sips, I'm sure Im allergic to it. I am also allergic to certain types of citric acid.  Apples and Kiwi's make my lips blow up.  ent down to the Chinese fishing nets on the shoreline, these are large contraptions that despite their name, were introduced by the portuguese, but they are probably based on a Chinese idea.  Otherwise the name is really stupid.  I'll put up a load of pictures of them but basically they are a massive net, attatched to stones as a counter balance, across a fulcrum very high up so the net is able to be hoisted (pirate lingo) up, out of the water, and then dropped back in again when the bounty has been collected.  Spent some time wit he guys on one of the nets and they told me all about and wove a sob story about how poor they are because of the low season and Tsunami etc, I helped them collect the fish from the net a few times and also pulled the nets up, and dropped them in, it takes about 6 guys all pulling ropes to get the net out of the water.  There were rickity wooden gang planks connecting the pulley area to the net area, I was loving it, I could easily do this, if the pay wasn't so shit.  Well in an uncommo act of charity I gave them about 7 quid between them.  Let me in with your activities and I'll reward you, approach my stationary auto-rickshaw in heaving Delhi traffic and show me your nakered hands and you'll get nothing.  I am a hard taskmaster.

The following days I wandered further, into Jew Town and Mattencherry, and found I culdn't get into the Synogogue cos I was wearing shorts.  What If Jesus turned up in shorts?  There would be no 2nd coming then would there?  I walked away knowing that they had doomed humanity, straight into a bookstore.  Some of you (maybe one or two people, probably in my family)  ma be interested to know that i've started reading in quite a big way.  When I was 8, Mrs. Dixon said that I had the reading age of a 13 year old, I was chuffed.  I kept a tight grip on that reading age for about 15 years, and have never really been into books.  I can feel that changing.

Books I have read since being here:

'Fight Club'
'Off The Rails In Phnom Penh'
'On The Road' - This is the first book I have ever read that upon finishing it, turned sraight back to the first page and read it all over again.

Books in my small library that are still to be read, or am currently reading:

'Quantum Of Solace - The Complete James Bond Short Stories' - Ian Flemming, nothing to do with the film.
'The Six Sacred Stones' - Released in the wake of The Da Vinci Code etc, the lead Character is called Jack West Jnr.  I think you can take a lot from that.
'Future Shock'
'The God Delusion'
'Fever'

I am looking forward to reading them all. Anyway, back to slightly more interesting topics.

Went to hire a moped, wasn't happy that I was going to have to leave my passport with them, but this is to be expected.  Never ridden a powered bike before, tested it out, needed to learn about the accelerator bite, the braking, the turning circle, its unpowered weight etc.  Drove it straight, and I mean straight, into the side of a van that was parked down the road, then accidentally pressed the horn.  Hit the front right hand side wing.  I returned the bike and walked on. Ill get one another day, somewhere with less busy roads. later thet night prderd a Kerala Fish Curry, and a kingfisher, a teapot is delivered to my table, along with a Pokemon mug, for collectors out there the featured Pokemon were Dragonair and Scyther, it was #25 of a set.  "Whats this?" I enqired, sensing a 'lost in translation' moment, "Licence problems" he replied.  Inside the teapot was a lovely foaming head.  Beer in a teapot out of a mug.  This must be India.

ent down to Cherai for a half day, about 22km from Cochin, to visit the beach there.  Was very nice and that and got through several of the stories in "Quantum of Solace", but really found myself getting annoyed the the groups of young Indian boys, who are exteremly rude. "Oh Rory, thats very short sighted, you are in a completly different culture" - Whatever mate, the blatent stareing at everybody, mainly the women of course was really bad here, much worse than anywhere else I've been, groups of lads just walked up to within 2 metres of sunbathing girls, and joked, pointed and laughed right next to them, for ages.  You would think they would get bored.  I watched a group literally follow a couple who had a small child up and down the beach, pointing and talking loudly, again, unbelievably close to them.  It really annoyed me.

I am off to Varkala tommorrow for more undeveloped beaches, and some tasty seafood. The people I'm staying with are both cross-eyed, what are the chances of that? They are married, and in their 70's I would say, but were they both like that from birth and met by chance? Are they distantly related? Did they both witness something a long time ago that left them both cross-eyed?  Are there dating agencies for people who are cross-eyed?  If their were it might be called 'Cross Dates', or 'Star Crossed Lovers' - 'Find love staring at the bridge of each others nose'.



P.S, about 30 mins ago I watched one of the family take a switch (thin wooden stick) from behind a picture frame and beat the shit out of a kid about 2 years old.  The unmistakable sound of flesh being whipped sent shivers down my spine - and screams from the kids mouth.

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