From the Sublime to the Ridiculous

Trip Start Feb 26, 2010
Trip End Feb 26, 2011

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Where I stayed
In Patricks Drive in St Kilda

Flag of Australia  , Victoria,
Monday, September 27, 2010

When we woke at about 5.45am we discovered that we were totally surrounded by huge trucks and big strapping truckers, most wearing Ugg boots, filing in to the service cafe for breakfast. We were on the road ten minutes later heading towards the Great Ocean Road – the 243 km long stretch of road that hugs the coast between Torquay and Warrnambool on Victoria's South coast.  We stopped at Anglesea (to compare it to the one we know in Wales), and had a stroll on a few beaches.  We were really impressed with the scenery, especially between Anglesea and Apollo Bay and as the weather was overcast the sky and the ocean blurred on the horizon which added to the dramatic seascape.  We even managed to see a double rainbow set against the rocks and amazingly got to drive through it.  We could have touched it (Andrew edit – no bloody pot of gold though, someone has been lying to me... Mum.... Dad....)! After driving in land for a while, still on the B100, we came out on the other side of the cape and were back on the coast heading for the 12 Apostles, the 12 limestone crags which tower majestically out of the ferocious sea.  We cooked egg and sausages in the car park which was no mean feat in the really blustery conditions (Andrew Edit .... I cooked egg and sausages and made tea, while the lady lounged on the inside of the van), (Erica Edit – Andrew I did do the washing up and it was freezing!).  After we had filled our faces we went down to the lookout point and I felt the earache starting as the wind was howling and biting at our faces.  The 12 Apostles were really spectacular and we couldn’t stop taking photographs as the sea ceaselessly erupted against them casting huge clouds of foam skyward.  It was quite literally a breathtaking view.  We stopped at a few more lookout points further along the road including London Bridge and the Grotto but the 12 Apostles stood out as the main draw without doubt. 

Time was ticking by so we headed back to Melbourne for our evening’s entertainment in St Kilda.  It took about 4 hours of solid driving along the M31, and by the time we arrived in St Kilda it was starting to get dark.  By some strange stroke of luck our friend Patrick from the other night just so happened to live on the same street as the Elephant and Wheelbarrow British Pub that was going to be tonight’s venue.  So we cheekily gave him a call to ask if the parking spot that he had offered us the other night was still going.  He was still at work but said he would be back within the hour, that it was still fine to park there but that he didn’t know where the parking space was and didn’t know if you needed a special permit to park there. Hmmm. I was beginning to panic as we were due at the pub at 6.30 and it was 5.45 at this stage, if we then needed to find alternative sleeping arrangements we were in trouble. Patrick arrived back from work at 6:30 and found his two stalkers almost sitting on his doorstep having checked out where he lived his local parking options and seemingly where his local drug dealers lived as we saw quite a few people buying out of a downstairs window. For accommodation it turned out fine in the end, Patrick turned up and after a few phone calls to his flatmate directed us to a tiny car park in the street behind his flat.  By now it was 6.45 so we thanked him and legged it to the pub and the very cheesy but totally irresistible 'Neighbours Night’ hosted by none other than Dr Karl Kennedy himself!!! (Chris from NI (who we met in the Philipines) had also recommended it as being a complete cheese fest but if you ever watched it just go).

Now neither of us have watched Neighbours in the last 10 years, our last memories of the show include Des and Daphne, Scott and Charlene, Bouncer and at a push Toadfish (I’m not joking) so we weren’t sure what to expect especially when the word ‘trivia’ started to be banded about.  (Andrew edit – I thought Helen Daniels was still in it!!!). We got our neighbours stamp branded to our wrists at the door and then we were shown to our tables in a room at the back of the pub.  We quickly got chatting to the couple already on our table, Matt and Helen from Burnley, who were lovely and then we were also joined by another two couples (one couple from Southampton and a Irish girl with her Aussie friend) who were all equally nice too and, bonus, a couple of them had seen the show pretty recently phew.  So our team was assembled and Matt was chosen to be captain of ‘Erinsborough Neighbourhood Watch’ as we named ourselves

Next it was time to find out who the special guests for the night were going to be and the cheers started as Dr Karl Kennedy, Irish Connor and Dylan Timmins took to the stage.  We were a little disappointed not to see Harold ‘Jellybelly’ Bishop there but hey you can’t have everything.  We also hadn’t a clue who the latter two were so had to rely on the rest of the team to explain.  The crowd then got to ask any questions they liked to the stars, one of which included "Karl, if you got the chance with Susan in real life would you?"  Also Karl phoned one of the crowds mums back in England and she was put on loud speaker for all the bar to hear.  The questions then started and it became apparent that the couple from Southampton were first in the queue when it came to the brain department.  Plus it wasn’t just Neighbours trivia but general knowledge too which made it a bit easier for us with a slight gap in our Neighbours knowledge.

 At the midway point the stars did a meet and greet with everybody, moving round the tables and we managed to get pictures with all of them wearing the bright pink cape made to measure in Vietnam and we got them all to sign it ( Andrew Edit – I think in a haze of drunken stupor part of our task from Sonja and Col, apart from naked picking up of the van, had been to go to Neighbours night, never having been one to shirk a challenge again we aced it and got the photographic evidence that every man loves a pink cape!!).  Apparently it is the first time any of them had signed a cape, and definitely a pink satin one.  The place was heaving by this stage with a really crazy mix of people and the atmosphere was amazing. When we say amazing it was a bit like a summer night in Tenerife, women getting their boobs signed, everyone on the dance floor and just a generally giddy atmosphere. (Andrew Edit – as a bit of a pessimist as to if this was going to be any kind of value for money I have to admit I loved every single bloody minute of it, it was cracking!!).

We then continued with the quiz and then the prize giving began.  Two singletons were then asked up on the stage to kiss for what seemed like a week and won trips to The Great Ocean Road and Philip Island, there was a dancing competition, singing competition and then the quiz results were announced.  WE ONLY BLOODY WON THE QUIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Our prize was tickets for the Official Neighbours Tour the next day (Worth $65 per person).  We were all hysterical, it was hilarious.  We were then treated to a set from Dr Karl’s band which I have to say were great.  The dance floor was packed with simply adoring women and appreciative fella’s. We started wqaving the cape in the Audience and despite being knocked back by the bouncers to get it on stage, Dr Karl asked for it to be thrown on to the stage so we wore it for his finale, his encore to ‘We are the Champions’ in true Freddy style. All the crowd were screaming and it ended with lots of women wanting their picture taken with the fat lad and his cape (that last bit was an Andrew edit). I can’t rave enough about the evening we both had the best time.  No trip to Melbourne is complete without experiencing this night it was quite simply fantastic fun.

Walking back to the van down Fitzroy Street somehow we got lured in to a bar,( Andrew continues) with a much cheaper red wine price than Neighbours we headed into a completely dead but very dark bar. We were soon greeted by a seven foot tall transvestite, and three clearly straight but exceptionally drunk work men on the dance floor who were abusing the transvestites. It was such a random mix we felt relatively normal and at home straight away. We were still on high from the Neighbours night and as Erica hit the dance floor I settled down with two men over six foot five wearing fake boobs, heels, wigs and decided to settle on probably some of the most boring conversations you could have with a transvestite “How long have you done this for? How much do you get paid? Is it just for the money? What are your working hours?  Straight or Gay? Are you thinking of gender transformation? Are there any jobs going for fat trannies with big boobs, because I could live here you know?”
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farknash on

Now that sounds like my kind of evening!

Envy. Terrible thing...!


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