Salem Hotels
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First South Indian Wedding!
Entry 12 of 23 | show all | print this entry |
First, please note that if you EVER have the opportunity to attend a South Indian wedding... GO! It was an absolutely educational, inspirational, fun, delicious, exhausting and engaging experience. I am so thankful to Harish's family for taking me in and extending the invitation to this yankee! In retrospect I realise, Ghomati (his Mom) really introduced me to south indian lifestyle my first week in India through conversation, food, directions, advice, tours, etc... she truly has been my Indian mother and I so hope to see her and the family again... as well as the many beautiful friends I met at the wedding.
Where to begin? Okay, so, after relaxing in the beach side town I can't seem to say or spell correctly, Mahabalapurum is how it sounds, I said goodbye to the ocean, had a delicious Nutella and banana fresh crepe at Yogis (excellent restaurant there), met up with drummer John and eventually shared a taxi back to Chennai. Now, India can be "done" (i.e traveled) extremely cheaply, however, somtimes, it is nice to splash out. For example, the 2.5 hour bus ride is 20 rupees or about 50 cents ($1 = 43 rupees). A taxi, which is an hour faster and comfy was 700 rupees or about $15 dollars split in have $7.50. And, yes, this was a big debate until i realised I spend that on taxis all the time just around Wellington let alone a 1.5 hour ride! It is so easy to lose fiscal perspective here.
So, back in hot, hot Chennai, I said bye to John, noting I can't wait to buy his CD when I am home as just his drum practicing on rooftops was awesome! His site is http://www.johndekadt.com/ and the cds are on Amazon (hey John, if you read this, does this pay you back for the whopping 200 rupee dinner, $5???) ha. Okay, so headed back to the familys house to let them know I was alive as I am sure Gomati was doubting with me off on my own. See, few Indian women would do what I am doing as most seem to stay closer to home and in a much more protective environment so it is absolutely foreign for them to see a relatively (looknig) woman touring around AND most Indians seem to enjoy group tours so my style of spontaneous travel is very bizarre to many here. Anyways, so after assuring them I was alive and confirming the train to salem plans (where wedding is) I was off to find a salwar kameez outfit for the wedding and to pick up my ticket to Maldives as I had to have hard copy, ugh!
They called their new "friedn" driver Shiva who I am absolutely NOT a fan of now. Yes, nice to have a regular face autorickshaw driver, but man, he said he knew where he was going (he should as it is a main road!) but it took over an hour in the pollution and heat to find the travel agency. We had to stop 5 times and finally I made him stop and hopped out and went up and found directions. Ugh, men and directions is an absolute mutually exclusive mix in any country I swear. So, sweaty, evil annoyed and running super late for my first shoppng effort, we found Hi Tours, I ran up stairs, avoided friendly small talk, turned down their recommendation for a budget spot in Maldives as they see an American and consider budget to be $150 Us a night - note I am looking for $15/night - and I was off to RMKV store.
After being fleeced by Shiva and now running late, I rushed around the store to find my first salwar kameez. Not easy. First they show you $100 ones, then quality drops and drops to my cheaper price range. Long story, but after lots of giggles and a whole store staring at me, I didn't find anything, so rushed to a bizarre huge store called Nalli, where only men work, so there I had 20 men on one floor staring at me, ugh!, then I found a store across the street and some cute girls, giggling about me as they do, helped me find a good outfit for the wedding. I rushed out, found an auto, back to the house only to have Gomati say something about how pretty it was, asked how much (about 1000 rupees or $25 for pants, long dress/shirt and scarf in chiffon) then say, "Where are the sleeves?" You would have thought I brought home a seductive lingerie, but I understand now that it may seem inappropriate but after all the effort was a bit crushed! Granted, sometimes moms views are a little more traditional then teen store assistants and younger ladies so... go figure.
We ate dinner, yummy as usual from Gomati's hard work in the kitchen, and then took a taxi to the train station - Harish's mother, father, and brother. The station was huge! Thank God I was with them. I was so spoiled with Venkatesh carrying my motherload bag and the station having few English signs. We make it to the train and.... Whoosh! there are 20 people at least running through cart, kids laughing, yelling, older grandparents sitting, baby crying and the man in charge ( a cousin i think) trying to make sure the group of 60 is all there, each with a seat/bed. About a zillion introductions later and the kids laughing at/with me (teens are hard to differentiate on that in any language!), I was on my bunk and we were off for the 6 hour ride to Salem. I was able to sleep a few hours, but I must say it was freezing AND the trains are nothing compared to Thailand ones which were a lot nicer. Granted, the Thai/Indian comparsion is silly I am realising but I thought it would be closest in comparison and isn't.
We arrived in Salem and were picked up by minibuses at 5am and bussed to the wedding hall. To my surprise there was a band with drums, horns, etc... playing and bright video lights documenting every move of our arrival (and I would soon find out, it would document EVERY moment of the 2 day wedding!). We unloaded, sat for a bit, then had a yummy breakfast of idly and various chutneys on banana leaves. so good. I was so tired so gave in to the delicious cream and sugar, oh, I mean south indian coffee! I love it as it is like candy! :) To be honest, I was in such a daze that morning, i can't recall everything, but the couple sat on the stage (in this big reception hall) with the priest who is wearing a white skirt of sorts (can't remember name of the traditional mail wrap) and is shirtless. Thank God, priests at home don't do that as the priests here seem to be 40 years younger! They sat around the fire on stage, and a zillion pics were taken and lots o family were up and off the stage. Tons of ritual was underway and I unfortunately didn't understand all, but enough to see the preparation for the couple to marry the next day was underway. Today was to be the official "engagement" if you will... or the official agreement by both parents for the marriage that is the next day. All of it was agreed to already, but this is the symbolic support for it.
After a long morning, I was roomed with a wonderful women at a nice hotel. Oh, it is amazing, the father of bride pays for everything including local transport, accomodation for guests, food, etc... I kept trying to pay and was almost forced to withdraw the offer sternly. My roommate who I, for the life of me can't spell here name, but think was Buvana, is a psychologist. We had great chats and rested a bit before returning to the wedding hall.
Noting that I was working on about 4 hours of sleep, and the heat itself can be draining, I was a little hesitant when I found out around noon that we were to be bussed off on a trip for the day. I was loaded in the minibus with about 30 others, including laughing teen cousins, and I eventually figured out we were headed to a few nearby temples. After 1.5 hours on the bus, I was ready for some fresh air. We arrived in Narkala where there are a few temples that many Indians, but few tourists, visit. The first was about 1000 years old and built into the sheer face of cliff about 300 feet hight. There was a fort on top of the mountain and below is this temple literally built into the rock as a cave. The complex is mostly outdoors and made up of beautiful stone carvings of gods, animals, and various beautiful designs. It was amazing just to run my fingers across these ancient carvings outside the cave temple watching groups entere and exit the temple in pure reverence and realising, wow, this exact process has been underway for over 1000 years. I also wondered how many others have stood in the exact same spot. I was the only "westerner" around so was very cautious about entering and stood back until they requested me to enter the cave. I followed a line of about 50 people into the dark walled cave and it led to another small room with a sort of pulpit or center stage for the priest. Everyone filed in and the heat was oppressive where you could literally taste the air and the incense burning. A number of rituals were performed and people handed over gifts of rice for the god, then the priest performed some rituals and everyone appeared deeply moved. As we exited, the priest handed out holy water as well as tapping each worshiper with a type of vase on on their head as a blessing. I avoided it as I always feel a bit uncertain in such moments but I think they appreciated my avoidance and respect. We exited and the fresh air was delicious!
Then, we were off to another temple of a major god called Hanuman, half monkey and half man. Now, although I have had many people share factoids of Hinduism with me, I have yet to learn the basics. With a religion that believes in one supreme being but also believes that that supreme being (aka God) is shown to man in over 300 earthly representations (Vishnu, Ganesha, etc...) all with at least one name each or maybe even 2 or 3, it becomes very very confusing to decipher. I fortunately had the cute teen cousins playing tour guide for me and what I could decipher was that today was a very holy day that happens once a year when the statue is cleansed. Worshippers, about 200 I would say, would purchase milk, rice, fruit juice and hand it to the priest at the bottom of the 50 or so foot bronze statue. Then, that priest would hand it up the scaffolding to the other 2 priests scrubbing the statue feverishly with the items handed over. When the coconut milk was handed over, there was this intense sense of anticipation with everyone, dropped jaw waiting for the moment, pulled their hands together in prayer and gasped as the coconut milk was splashed and poured over the statue. With the priests scrubbing away in and out of every crevice, with their hand, the audience was in prayer and I was told that if I made any wish it would come true at that moment. I tell you, I am not very educated on Hinduism yet, but the devoutness and enthusiasm of the worshippers I have seen is very intriguing. After that, we were off in the hot, hot heat of the afternoon for the 1.5 hour bus ride to the wedding hall for the next "function". The cousins tried some singing again but soon tired out.
That evening, many more people had arrived and tonight was the big night. Note, still my first day there but I felt as though i had been there 4 days already with all I had seen, learned, eaten, smelled, etc... head was so full. I arrived in my same salwar cummis, but soon changed into the beautiful royal blue with gold trim saree that Gomati had so generously given to me. An auntie of the groom told me to stand like a doll as she draped the saree around me. I think it is 12 meters of material. I have to say the process is an art form in and of itself. The result is truly beautiful. I felt so regal in in this fancy, feminine outfit and although a little awkward as with anything new, it was a great feeling. I then exited the changing room, which happened to face the 300 or so member "audience"/guests and everyone stared and smiled and gasped something to the extent of how pretty and soon enough my face was beet red and I had a video camera in my face which was a live feed to all the tvs in the hall. Soooo funny! It was amazing the change in how people interacted with me. They were friendly before, but now they glowed with delight to see me in Indian dress. It was great! I really thought I was going to cause a drama earlier when ladies kept asking where my saree was. I tried my best to be polite, but was thinking... do they realise how proud and excited I was to buy my first salwar cummis and hello... I am a backpacker! It was pretty funny.
Okay, totally rambling, but that night was great. Lots of ceremony on stage with the father of bride giving his daughter to the other family which was followed by a procession of the groom from a nearby temple through the streets back to the wedding hall. There were heart pounding drums and a great band playing as the groom and a trail of a hundred to two hundred people escorted the groom through the street back into the hall. Outside the doors his uncles began dancing and a party was officially started. More and more guests joined the dancing and I was soon pulled into the center dancing away in my first saree. It was great fun and a memory to never forget.
So much more to tell, but all in all the wedding was an unforgettable experience which filled my soul with a great appreciation for the beauty of family and friends being so close and the importance of family support through lifes big moments. I will say I had some interesting discussions regarding arranged marriage and found it hard to not think about that alot during each ritual. The second day the actual marriage took place and although not as big a celebration as the night before, a highlight was the games the couple plays to, as I was told, get to know each other. The family and friends sat aroun dwatching in a circle as the couple played little games with their feet, combing each others hair, etc.. It was fascinating to think they met a month or two ago, are getting married for life and the new wife is moving back to SEattle with her new husband in two weeks. I can't fathom the trepidation of changing all you ever knew overnight. However, my roommate pointed out to me that hey, the US has a 60 divorce rate so we don't have it right either.
Here in Cochin and off to Munnar in the state of Kerala, so much to write but not enough time. PEace, Lanah
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| 12. | First South Indian Wedding! - Salem, India Feb 10, 2007 |
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