Hell on Earth

Trip Start Feb 17, 2012
Trip End Apr 28, 2012

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Where I stayed
Jormand Hotel Apartments Dubai
Read my review - 1/5 stars

Flag of United Arab Emirates  ,
Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Dubai - wow. For a place that likes to list itself in the same line as Paris, London, NY - what a let down. Not. Even. Close.

Whilst there are a few worthwhile site in Dubai to see, they are few and far between. And by far (you can't start a sentence with and) I mean far. Dubai is a a stretch of city that is about 50kms long. With only one metro line that goes down the strip, be prepared for some walking. The metro pretty much just connects the shopping centres. Sounds easy right, not so much fun in 37 degree weather. Anything else worth seeing is about 15 - 20kms apart. 

I'm also staying in what can only be described as a shithole, see the review for details. As there is no real complaints department, hopefully I can sway other travellers not to stay here. Paybacks a bitch, motherfucker. I've had a pretty good run with places I've stayed throughout the tour, no real rotten eggs, but that luck had to run out at some point.

I think if you were living the 7 star life over here, you'd rate this place highly (or anyplace in fact). But in reality, for a lot of sizzle, there is not much sausage. It's dirty, dusty, hotter than hell and the majority of people are foreign pimps and thieves. 

Let me be clear, the Emraties are lovely people, well educated and very well spoken. Unfortunately for them, they are a minority. Although, before you feel too sorry for them, its worth nothing the average, Emratie net worth is 15 million AUD. Average that is. Not bad eh?!

Head down to the Dubai mall around 9pm on a Thursday night (note the weekend is Friday/Saturday here) and check out the valet parking. Its an endless line of Bentleys, BMW, Masaratti, Lamborgini, Ferrari, Porsche, Hummer, etc - some more pimped then others. As it's not really a boozing culture, the Dubai Mall is the current scene to be seen. 

Oil makes the world go round, they'll be building this place for the next 20 years or so at least.
Unfortunately, the 85% of the remaining residents, the vast majority of people here are from a country (that shall remain nameless) that have basically shat all over their home state and are keen to repeat the process here. Net worth being several zero's less and attitudes to work being vastly different.

As such, its difficult to buy into the culture here and get a feel for Arabian way of life. The best part about Dubai, is getting out of the city itself and heading out to the desert for some dune bashing and belly dancing (no, not me you idiot). Was also able to get tinnies out there, so was happy watching the sun go down, sinking cans, smoking the shisha.

The heat, god it takes it out of you. It's like feeling hungover without the party - tired, lethargic, forgetful - that or I've been bogged down with Alzheimers.
Is it worth leaving the airport for an overnighter - yes, probably once in your life. But for me, both Abu Dhabi & Dubai are in the 'been there, done that' category. Didn't really do alot for me. Highlight being that Mosque in Abu Dhabi, now that was worth an overnighter.

As this is the end of the road, I don't really want to go out on a low so thats enough of Dubai.

It's been a hell of a 10 weeks, (Russia, Paris, Iceland being the top 3) I've certainly seen some sights (where do I even start ?! too many to list, see previous entries for details) and met some great cat's along the way. 

That's very clever. Thanks. How's that working out for you ? What ? Being clever. It's working out great, thanks for asking.

Keep it up then, right up.Now a question of ettiquete, as I pass do I give you the ass or the crotch.

Oh, and a final apology for the (un)lucky individual I happen to be sitting next to on flight EY5115. Don't be fooled by the nerdish glasses and book combination. Unbeknown to them, I've got a 14 hour drink-a-thon planned. They are going to need a wheelchair at Kingsford Smith to get me off. 

What, no more of these boring, bullshit rants left.
Oh and a free plug to Icebreaker gear. Those clothes must be made of kevlar as they are bullet proof. Very warm in cold conditions, stink proof and tough as nails. Highly recommended, icebreaker.com for details.
I'll throw in one more entry, a best of type awards list. I've had alot of downtime, the mind does wander into some strange, unexplainable places.
No, thats a wrap. Unless you want to go on holidays again and annoy us all ? Sure, as soon as I figure out how to get paid for this. Big thanks to everyone I've met along the way.
Don't we all. Indeed. And then I woke up.
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My Review Of The Place I Stayed

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