End of trip.... or... not....

Trip Start Apr 21, 2010
Trip End May 31, 2010

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Flag of New Zealand  , North Island,
Thursday, May 20, 2010

Just when you thought my trip had come to an end..... and couldn't get more exciting....

We left New Plymouth on Tuesday morning, sadly, heading towards Auckland for my last night in New Zealand. We checked into the hotel... which was UN-FLIPPIN-REAL. It was the Skycity Hotel which is right at SkyTower, that big tower thing that looks like every other pointy thing in big cities. The Stratosphere/Calgary Tower/CN Tower of Auckland. And we were on the top floor of the hotel, so our view was absolutely outstanding. We only had an hour or so to get ready before we headed off to the theater to see AVENUE Q!!!! WHOO HOO!! The theater itself was incredible. Called Civic Theater, it was the most beautiful theater I've ever been in. Of course, the show was HILARIOUS, Shenan just about peed himself when they did the songs, "The Internet Is For Porn" and "My Girlfriend Who Lives In Canada". LOL and he thinks Trekkie Monster is the coolest monster ever. Which, of course, he is. If some of you who are reading this don't know what Avenue Q is..... just think, it's Sesame Street only for adults. Puppets having sex on stage, F-bombs... It's hysterical. Any show that says, "Grab your dick and double-click for Porn!! Porn!! Porn!!" is good in my books.

So anyways, we walk the streets of Auckland for a while, and then back to Skytower for a bite to eat. Because we hadn't had supper, we were starving, and didn't find a place to have something until after midnight. I had a BLT wrap (I know, BORING), but this is important for the latter part of this adventure. This little, boring, non-descript BLT wrap that initially cost around $10 has now cost $700 and counting....

So the next morning, I wake up, and immediately must make a dash to the bathroom to call Ralph on the big white porcelain phone. This is how my day began. So as the morning progressed and my Techicolor Rainbow of Stomach Contents is continuing to fly forth, I am now laying on the bathroom floor, praying for the release of my life.  I mean, I had a fair bit of wine the night before, but not THAT much bloody wine. And what was strange was that, my head felt fine, my whole body felt fine, with the exception that every oraface of my body was evacuating itself. Then, the pain started. Like, I had just got a shank to the gut like a drug deal gone bad, wrenching stabbing pain in my stomach. This is when Shenan determined that it was time to see a doctor. We're now at 7 hours until I have to be at the airport, starting the check-in procedures for a 14 hour flight to Canada.

We, of course, get lost because Chops has a skill for it, and because he knows Auckland like I know Dallas, TX (which is not at all), and in New Zealand, they don't label ANYTHING. The road markings are so insanely miniscule, they don't mark anything properly, and when they do, it's useless information. I mean, they'll state the obvious, like "Rumble Edge Lines" or "Uneven Road Surface", but heaven forbid they say, "HOSPITAL: THIS WAY". So we finally make it to Auckland City Hospital to the emergency ward. Where, of course, being from Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada, I figure we're going to be waiting there for the next 3 weeks to even get asked what the problem is. But, to my amazement, they have a nurse right there who asks you all of your symptoms, takes your blood pressure, gets you to fill out a quick form, and then you're whisked down the ward to the emergency beds, where I was instructed to put on a gown and lie down, they immediately had an IV in me to take samples and give me something to rehydrate me, and within 10 minutes, I already was being seen by a doctor. Unbelievable. So anyways, because they had sent all of my body juice work to the lab, we had to wait until the results came back, and it ended up that they had to retake my blood because something went wrong with the initial vat they took from me. But they kept me pumped full of wicked-good drugs, and even gave Shenan coffee while he was sitting there, and I was checked on and had someone at my side almost every 5 mintues. It was incredible. And after they got me stoned on pain meds, and I got starry-eyed and sleepy, they even turned down the light in my little bed so that I could sleep. LOL So cool. So then they determined that it was food poisoning. FOOD POISONING. From my little BLT Sangwich.

SO while in my hospital bed, stoned off my ass, licking the bedrails, I now have a decision to make. Do I fly out tonight, or do I push my flight back. Doctor didn't advise flying out, but said that, as long as I wasn't throwing up like crazy, she would give me the green light to fly, but it certainly wouldn't be a comfortable flight for me. And after talking to the nurse, who described in gory detail about when she had a stomach flu and had to fly, and had to shit on descent and they wouldn't let her get out of her seat, and the feeling that you're going to poo your pants.... you know, that pretty much sealed the deal for me. Thank you, nurse Betty and your descriptive accounts of in-air bowel discomfort. So Shenan phones up the travel agent, and she cancels the flight just in time for the deadline, which is 5:00, an hour before I'm supposed to be at the airport. He also rings up my medical insurance company to start the claim through my medical insurance, since it was the very last day that it was good for. (he's so good, doing all this for me. I was so stoned, I would have probably told them that I was a ballerina from Uzbekistan and I rode a pink pony to New Zealand)

So I got discharged from the hospital a little after 5:00pm, so I was there for a little over 4 hours. Then we drove back to New Plymouth. It only took us 2 minutes to drive back, at least for me, because I was in a coma in the passenger seat the whole way. I haven't had that much sleep in a long time, which is good, because it helped the discomfort pass, and now today, I feel MUCH better than I did yesterday. Still not 100% and SOLID, but gettin there, at least I can eat real food now, and not just crackers and water.

So as it turns out, of course, being the OPTIMIST I am, I did NOT get cancellation insurance on my policy. Take it from me first hand kids.... GET THE CANCELLATION INSURANCE. LOL Seriously. I NEVER travel without medical insurance, but I took the cheap way out on the cancellation insurance. Der. But it ends up it's not near as much as I thought it might be, and because we contacted the airline before the cancel deadline, I can reschedule for much cheaper. But the next flight out is May 30th. So my adventure will continue for another week and a half. Can't see it being incredibly interesting though, we're probably going to stick pretty close to home. Talk about timing, eh?

So that's my story. The adventure continues......
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Hoose on

Is it wrong to say that this is by far the funniest entry in this blog? I mean, sorry about your discomfort and all, but I personally laughed my bag off courtesy of your wonderful ability to articulate intestinal misfortune.

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